My child is one of the unpopular kids

[workiskillingme]

As much as it pains me to admit it my 7 year old boy is not popular amongst his peers and he's starting to notice and it's breaking my heart
He has been invited to a couple of parties since they started school three years ago and is never asked for a play date. The teacher has never reported any issues of him being mean to other children , he doesn't smell he's clean and he's a happy chap generally
I just don't understand why nobody wants to be his friend and it's very upsetting

@Cuppasoupmonster

So you have a weird mother (perfectly acceptable term judging from your previous post) and you’re now tarnishing us all with the same weird brush?

Right. No, no you’re mother hasn’t had any mental effect on you at all has she? 🤦‍♀️ oh dear…..

*your

Sorry, wrong tag!!

‘Weird’ children, ffs. You’re clearly not that ‘normal’ with the things you say and how you say them on a thread with an OP concerned for her child.

I remember quiet children, introverted kids probably, shy kids, very loud kids, kids that played differently to others, kids with limited interests, kids with dyslexia etc. Some nasty kids called them ‘weird’ or refused to talk/play with them. I’m not a nasty cow so I wouldn’t call kids weird. In fact a few were later diagnosed with autism/adhd/ocd which explained their social difficulties or behaviours. Another I found out was being sexually abused by her stepfather, another one was in foster care as her parents were alcoholics. So no, not weird, just different or going through some terrible shit.

No wonder some children are unwelcoming to other children though with such dreadful role models.

Quite, some very sensitive people on here, I’m not surprised it must be hard to struggle socially. But parents need to teach children these skills, and if you don’t have the skills yourself that can make things really hard for them

I had this with both of mine. I’m convinced it was me! I’m socially awkward. I found it incredibly difficult to get more than a superficial chat going and never made any lasting new friendships at school gates. It wasn’t helped by the fact my old school friends were there picking up their kids so I gravitated towards them as a group rather than my own children’s class mums. My kids were fine while in school it was the play dates and a few smaller parties where they missed out sometimes.

Did you not have unpopular kids at school when you were 7?

No, I really don't think so - it was a friendly school and although a few kids would have had the edge socially, it was another few years before the social pecking order kicked in in a negative way.

@Cheesetoastiesz

Unpopular and sensitive now. Ahh you’re “up there” and the mumsnet cohort is “down there”. Got it 😎.

Seriously I would suggest some counselling over your mother issues. She hasn’t just rubbed off on your siblings, it’s just you lack insight. One moment we are discussing children being unpopular and the next minute you’re baring your soul IN CAPITAL LETTERS over your childhood. 🤦‍♀️

Any more insults? This is getting amusing.

Are @Cuppasoupmonster and @Cheesetoastiesz the same person? Cuppa replied to something directed at cheese. 🤔

A friend of mine has always had quite popular children but she throws money at it. She invites kids round or takes them places and pays for everything to be amazing. She throws the best parties with expensive party bags. Also makes sure her kids have all the best stuff and somehow it does work - albeit meaning the mums and kids who fall for all this are quite shallow to say the least.

If we were it would be a lightning speed name change. But no we’re not!

Holy moly people are sensitive tonight. Anyone would thing this wasn’t a general chat forum, and that an anecdote about a roast chicken was ‘baring my soul’

Well I’m confused now 😂 god knows who I’ve replied too. Over and out ……

What an odd post, I’ve never mentioned my mum on here

Poor reading skills seem to go hand in hand with poor social skills from these posts so far.

How embarrassing for you

Not sensitive, I just thought it was a bit unnecessary to a parent who is trying to help her child.

I wouldn’t say I struggle socially but I don’t really care for your opinion of me. If I do struggle socially, I’d rather that that display behaviour like yours. I would say you don’t have a good grasp on social norms from your responses though.

Was a bit MUCH THOUGH. Clearly a core memory 😂!

I think this site attracts allsorts to be honest. Certainly it used to be very “boden” but the demographic has changed quite a lot in recent times. More mixed.

Hardly unnecessary, seems the OP doesn’t understand you need to teach these skills, and if she is lacking herself (which seems likely based on the updates) that might be the cause of her child’s struggles.

It’s seen a lot on here, parents with limited social skills then having kids with limited social skills as they don’t push themselves out there to help develop their children. A small world is often lorded on here, but it also means your kids have a small world too

I'd invite more than one. Pick a popular pair and create a bit of interest by holding back on the last place. Popular duo can help choose.

A friend of mine has always had quite popular children but she throws money at it. She invites kids round or takes them places and pays for everything to be amazing. She throws the best parties with expensive party bags. Also makes sure her kids have all the best stuff and somehow it does work - albeit meaning the mums and kids who fall for all this are quite shallow to say the least.

This entire comment is sour and unpleasant.

Why did you reply as if it was aimed at you?

Kids often model these behaviours, and unfortunately many on MN are unpopular themselves (hence the reliance on a forum for advice) so then have children unable to make friends well too.

Apparently, I was unpopular as a child. I wasn't aware of it but my DF sat me down and said "Anna, you are unpopular". I said I didn't think I was, but he "You are, you need to be nicer. The other children don't want to play with you"

I still don't know who these 'other children' were. I remember a childhood with lots of playdates. I certainly wasn't the most popular child, but not the least popular.

I can only think that it was a case of 'monkey see, monkey do'.

It's always worth having an out of school friends circle - clubs, activities, neighbours even.
This kind of introspection around your kids is hard to avoid, but even the knocks teach resilience and are good ways to talk to your kids about how to interact with others. Not all kids know this instinctively, some need to be taught.
In a few years time they will be at high school and this will be history (and you'll have a bunch of new things to worry about!)

@workiskillingme , having friends outside of school can be a lifesaver in situations like this. Beavers/Cubs, sport activities, clubs, etc are all great for finding friends outside of the classroom.

When friendship issues arise it’s good for children to have a separate group of people to spend time with.

For some children, it does take a while to find their tribe. It hurts, but helping them develop resilience makes a big difference.

My daughter in her whole 7 years wasn’t invited to any party, even we had hold her bday parties in our house up to 7 yrs old - people came but never invited her back.
it never bothered me or her..