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Original poster

partner does not accept daughter

289 replies

Dom1990 · 16/01/2023 17:35

need some advice my girlfriend who was great with my daughter at first does not want to be around my daughter, her words are i want to be with you does not mean i need to be involved with your daughter.

when i have my daughter ( twice a week ) she used to stay in the bedroom or go out now she's will just watch tv and create an atmosphere.

she does not agree with way i parent and says I baby my daughter acts a bit babyish for her age, may be true i'm
not sure, my daughter has no behavioural issues and i have only received good comments on her behaviour from family and school can not speak any more highly of her.

my parter gets jealous if i sit in my daughters bedroom with her and play and says she always comes first,

there was a time she come out the bedroom and didn't even acknowledge my daughter was here and once she left i questioned her and she said well" she didn't say hello to me either"

when i ask my daughter what she thinks of my daughter she said she likes her she does not notice that she does not enrage with her yet but i'm sure she picks up on the atmosphere.

my daughter is turning 8 soon.

anyone else experience similar situation, my worry is this will get worse not better

OP posts:
Topi226 · 16/01/2023 20:55

This is terrible!.
Bitchy and childish comes to mind.
Break it off. Once your daughter is a teenager or adult even she will be fully aware and will cut contact with you for allowing this to be normalised. It is not normal.
If she sees your 8 year old as a threat now it will get worse and she will end up bullying your daughter. Poor thing.

AllOfThemWitches · 16/01/2023 20:57

As an aside, what's with all the misogynistic language being thrown around on this thread? 'Bitch' and 'cow' mainly.

Screwedupworld · 16/01/2023 20:58

Seriously get rid. Major red flag 🚩 that she is jealous of an 8 year old! Personally I would never date anyone who didn’t see me and my son as a package deal. He will always come first. Like your daughter should to you.

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Crayfishforyou · 16/01/2023 21:00

Your poor daughter, you need to ditch the girlfriend. I’m a step parent and I wouldn’t dream of being that way with my step child. They were here first, if I didn’t want anything to do with them I wouldn’t have started dating their dad.

DarkShade · 16/01/2023 21:01

Awful behaviour. She is ruining your and your daughter's prescious and limited time together. Neither of you will get a redo at her childhood.

PeterRabbitIsNotHere · 16/01/2023 21:02

I agree with the poster who said about the other side. Not every experience of being with someone with children is great for the other side and often there is a huge amount to say on both sides.
The child is not to blame.

Moomoola · 16/01/2023 21:03

She gets you fro 5 days and is jealous of your daughter having you for 2 nights?
she is wierd.

Newbie20 · 16/01/2023 21:10

I had this but with my children's other parent, he was jealous of how much time I devoted to our children and got grumpy that I loved them more than him. It will not get better unless you address the elephant in the room and tell your partner that yes your child comes first and always will, if she has a problem with that then she knows where the door is. If she chooses to leave then it clearly wasn't meant to be. If she wants to stay then she needs to make an effort with your child.

Noonesperfect · 16/01/2023 21:11

Your partner sounds extremely childish, immature and selfish. You know deep down she is not a keeper. Your daughter needs you to step up and put her needs first. Get rid!

AlbertaAnnie · 16/01/2023 21:17

Your daughter should always come first - ditch her red flags all over

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 16/01/2023 21:20

!00% dump her. Your daughter comes first and your partner is a jealous shitbag.

CuddlesPleaseTiddles · 16/01/2023 21:28

Remember cases like Arthur? They all start like this. "oh you're baying her too much. She needs a little discipline. Let me handle it for a bit.. Etc." Run for the hills. Your daughter is your first duty. She deserves your love. A father is so important in a little girls life. She's at an age this will impact her and your relationship badly.

CuddlesPleaseTiddles · 16/01/2023 21:29

*babying

Chantelle302412 · 16/01/2023 21:29

Dom1990 · 16/01/2023 17:35

need some advice my girlfriend who was great with my daughter at first does not want to be around my daughter, her words are i want to be with you does not mean i need to be involved with your daughter.

when i have my daughter ( twice a week ) she used to stay in the bedroom or go out now she's will just watch tv and create an atmosphere.

she does not agree with way i parent and says I baby my daughter acts a bit babyish for her age, may be true i'm
not sure, my daughter has no behavioural issues and i have only received good comments on her behaviour from family and school can not speak any more highly of her.

my parter gets jealous if i sit in my daughters bedroom with her and play and says she always comes first,

there was a time she come out the bedroom and didn't even acknowledge my daughter was here and once she left i questioned her and she said well" she didn't say hello to me either"

when i ask my daughter what she thinks of my daughter she said she likes her she does not notice that she does not enrage with her yet but i'm sure she picks up on the atmosphere.

my daughter is turning 8 soon.

anyone else experience similar situation, my worry is this will get worse not better

@Dom1990

hey I will reply as a girlfriend of someone who has a 9 year old from a previous relationship.

i think your girlfriend is behaving terribly first of all. I think she must feel jealous and probably built up a resentment.

i have felt like this at periods
of time in my own situation because I have felt like the spare part. To tell you the truth it was amazing for me up until I had our daughter.

you need to sit her down and talk to her and I would also probably suggest create intimate time for the two of you to go and do something or just spend designated time together so she feels like she gets time cause that’s what it is for me
yeah I get my partner monday-Sunday every other week as he only has his son every other weekend but we tend to
do nothing and when his sons around it’s all let’s do this that and the other so I’ve said we need to now do more together as a 2/3/4 and create better times so maybe it'll
work for you and her.

my partner does see his son twice a week anyway every week for a couple hours on a Wednesday evening and then at football
sunday mornings and it bugs me when he says he never sees him cause he does.

it might just take a little bit of a decent conversation but i understand where your both coming from. ive behaved like
your girlfriend and have been in a foul
mood twice around the 9
year old and although I couldn’t shake
it. Yes I feel like he favours the 9 year old
ober me and my daughter 24/7 but at
times he’s just trying to be good to us all and he has to be good to three of us and present.
so
she Should understand that too

kitcat15 · 16/01/2023 21:33

Why are you even asking this….you sound like a shit parent to be honest🙄

Soothsayer1 · 16/01/2023 21:34

This woman is awful and you shouldnt allow her around your daughter imo

Yoppi · 16/01/2023 21:37

There are enough people out there who will accept your daughter as part of the package.

Sack this horrible woman off, put your daughter first otherwise she'll start to realise she's not at the top of your priorities if she hasn't already. The fact you've even let this happen so far and are asking what to do makes me think you don't prioritise her enough.

Twillow · 16/01/2023 21:38

That's really mean and selfish. A child of 7 comes first, she will always be your daughter and will remember the conflict and atmosphere if you allow it to continue.

Stormyinside · 16/01/2023 21:39

Your “partner” sounds like a complete bitch, if she is petty and needy enough to be jealous of an innocent 7-year-old then you have waaaay more trouble on the horizon.

PeterRabbitIsNotHere · 16/01/2023 21:41

This thread is awful. I wish there was more understanding of how hard it is to be on the other side.
I say again, the child is not the problem. But it’s very hard to be so obviously at the bottom of the pile. Just another point of view on this very one sided thread.

Thoughtful2355 · 16/01/2023 21:41

Dump her before your daughter gets the gist that your girlfriend hates her. She wont want anything to do with you and your gf otherwise

LexMitior · 16/01/2023 21:45

@PeterRabbitIsNotHere - there are literally tons of men in the world. You do not have to date one with children. If you do, you will become part of their emotional lives.

This woman is an immature fool. She should stop whinging and wise up and ship out.

AlwaysAReason · 16/01/2023 21:45

PeterRabbitIsNotHere · 16/01/2023 21:41

This thread is awful. I wish there was more understanding of how hard it is to be on the other side.
I say again, the child is not the problem. But it’s very hard to be so obviously at the bottom of the pile. Just another point of view on this very one sided thread.

I disagree with you completely.
On the other side is an adult who is ignoring a child and getting jealous of her parent spending time with her.
It may be hard to be "bottom of the pile", but the OPs partner is being unkind to a small child. How hard is it to say hello, get on with something else while the OP is with their child, even if they feel left out?

PeterRabbitIsNotHere · 16/01/2023 21:47

AlwaysAReason · 16/01/2023 21:45

I disagree with you completely.
On the other side is an adult who is ignoring a child and getting jealous of her parent spending time with her.
It may be hard to be "bottom of the pile", but the OPs partner is being unkind to a small child. How hard is it to say hello, get on with something else while the OP is with their child, even if they feel left out?

Show quote history

We’re only hearing one side. As someone who’s been through this, it’s a whole heap of upset and layers and layers of difficult situations. I would never recommend getting involved with a man with kids, but if you do, it’s the hardest thing you’ll do.

CuddlesPleaseTiddles · 16/01/2023 21:49

It's not bottom of the pile though Peter rabbits. bottom of pile means coming last. Here the little children should come first, because generally, children come before parents own needs. Wouldn't your small child come before a man you just met? It's one of the basics of parenting and it's instinct to most people. And for the record, keeping a record of who comes first is so strange and immature. This isn't a race? It's a partnership.

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