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Original poster

partner does not accept daughter

289 replies

Dom1990 · 16/01/2023 17:35

need some advice my girlfriend who was great with my daughter at first does not want to be around my daughter, her words are i want to be with you does not mean i need to be involved with your daughter.

when i have my daughter ( twice a week ) she used to stay in the bedroom or go out now she's will just watch tv and create an atmosphere.

she does not agree with way i parent and says I baby my daughter acts a bit babyish for her age, may be true i'm
not sure, my daughter has no behavioural issues and i have only received good comments on her behaviour from family and school can not speak any more highly of her.

my parter gets jealous if i sit in my daughters bedroom with her and play and says she always comes first,

there was a time she come out the bedroom and didn't even acknowledge my daughter was here and once she left i questioned her and she said well" she didn't say hello to me either"

when i ask my daughter what she thinks of my daughter she said she likes her she does not notice that she does not enrage with her yet but i'm sure she picks up on the atmosphere.

my daughter is turning 8 soon.

anyone else experience similar situation, my worry is this will get worse not better

OP posts:
UWhatNow · 16/01/2023 21:50

kitcat15 · 16/01/2023 21:33

Why are you even asking this….you sound like a shit parent to be honest🙄

Because he’s a bloke and some men see getting their dick wet as more important than their kids. It bothers their conscience slightly enough to ask the question but not enough to realise that even asking the question is a sign that their parental instinct is non-existent.

Chantelle302412 · 16/01/2023 21:52

I’m back again haha,

if you don’t want to
walk away from the relationship

  1. have a serious conversation go from there with that
  2. do something fun and spend quality time as couple
  3. spend quality time if she becomes willing as a family of 3 if not I would be willing to leave the relationship
  4. and do not do less for your daughter just to benefit your partner.
  5. these are the most important years of your daughters life and the ones she will remember so keep going.

I’m with someone like I said In my last answer and yes it’s hard at times but there’s one of my partner 3 of us and he has to share himself between 3 and his view is I see you two every day I don’t see him
so when he’s here I do overcompensate
it and I understand it and really I’m understanding it more and more as time goes on. she shouldn’t be making your life harder or a child’s life uncomfortable.

Nowthatlovehasperished · 16/01/2023 21:53

Does your girlfriend have an emotional age of 6?

This smacks of petty jealousy. She will drive a wedge between you and your daughter.

I think the girlfriend needs to go sorry. Your daughter is much more important.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families General parenting
PeterRabbitIsNotHere · 16/01/2023 21:53

CuddlesPleaseTiddles · 16/01/2023 21:49

It's not bottom of the pile though Peter rabbits. bottom of pile means coming last. Here the little children should come first, because generally, children come before parents own needs. Wouldn't your small child come before a man you just met? It's one of the basics of parenting and it's instinct to most people. And for the record, keeping a record of who comes first is so strange and immature. This isn't a race? It's a partnership.

None of the messages on here mention partnership. The misogyny against the GF, the hatred and lack of understanding. Mostly from people who have no experience of what they’re talking about.

AlwaysAReason · 16/01/2023 21:54

The reality is, even if both parents are living and parenting together, the child has to come first, for both parents. It's a no brainier for most parents. In an emergency, I don't know a single parent who wouldn't save their child first, and not a single parent who would want to be saved by the other parent over their child, for example.
So it's not just a step parent issue at all.
The partner has choices if they can't accept that their partner is a parent first and a partner second.

Crumpleton · 16/01/2023 21:54

How lovely that you seem to have a good bond with your daughter.
While you're 100% entitled to have a relationship it doesn't sound as though this person is the one for you.
Do you live together?
Is it possible on the nights you have you daughter that it can be just you two?

Does sound a bit odd, maybe immature that your DP is jealous of your time spent with your DD.

Longdarkcloud · 16/01/2023 21:55

You owe a duty of care to your DD — a child is for life and not just until they are replaced by another relationship — so your GF will just have to go. With her attitude there is no way you can come to an understanding.
Please act asap before your DD is damage.
And don’t worry if DD is not grown up for her age, children vary and I’d cherish her childhood as too many children grow up too quickly and become mini teens before they’re teenagers.

Whatwouldnanado · 16/01/2023 21:55

Get rid. Every minute more you let this position persist the more potential damage you are doing to your child. Put her first.

clpsmum · 16/01/2023 21:55

Floomobal · 16/01/2023 17:37

I would dump her, because she sounds like a bitch, and your daughter should come first. She’s 7

This

alwayslearning789 · 16/01/2023 21:56

No question about it OP

Leave.

Emmamoo89 · 16/01/2023 21:57

Ditch the girlfriend.

MsDogLady · 16/01/2023 21:59

Dom, your partner is a spiteful, immature woman who despises your child. DD is aware of P’s rudeness and rejection, but doesn’t want to rock the boat or displease you.

What a horrible way to be treated in her own home. This will be damaging her well-being.

End this relationship asap.

CuddlesPleaseTiddles · 16/01/2023 22:01

Peterrabbits "None of the messages on here mention partnership."

That's usually the assumption when beginning a relationship potentially solid enough that the op has raised this as a question. Obviously he's not talking about a one night stand here! Like I said, using language like coming last, being second, bottom of pile makes it sound like a competition. It's not, at least when mature people are partnered in a relationship.

WisherWood · 16/01/2023 22:04

But it’s very hard to be so obviously at the bottom of the pile. Just another point of view on this very one sided thread.

I've never felt like I'm bottom of the pile but I do know that my DP's child comes before me. Personally, I think it's a pretty good second. And yes, sometimes it's hard but what you never, ever do is take it out on the child or whinge that the child is prioritised over you. Of course they are. You have to recognise that you are the adult in the equation. So shelve any jealousy you might feel and just recognise that a good parent prioritises their child.

I do make sure I spend time 1 on 1 with my DP. I do talk to him about us making more time to spend together. But in our case his child is with him 24/7. In this case, it's nowhere near that. And I also think that no-one should be calling this woman a bitch or a cow, or any of the other misogynist names that have been thrown at her. But she is in the wrong. And so is he.

WisteriaLodge · 16/01/2023 22:11

PeterRabbitIsNotHere · 16/01/2023 21:41

This thread is awful. I wish there was more understanding of how hard it is to be on the other side.
I say again, the child is not the problem. But it’s very hard to be so obviously at the bottom of the pile. Just another point of view on this very one sided thread.

No it's not awful, children come first in a new relationship and if the other party has a problem with that then they should be shown the door. You're grown up enough to deal with your feelings and if that makes you feel put out then so be it, that's part and parcel of what being an adult means. This is a 7 year old girl who needs stability and love and if the new partner is being nasty to the poor DD then she should fuck off.

MrsLighthouse · 16/01/2023 22:14

And she calls your daughter babyish ? What a brat herself. Honestly l’m surprised you’ve even asked for advice. Dump her. No brainier. Your poor child 😥

Comedycook · 16/01/2023 22:18

It's fine not to want to date someone with a child.

What's not fine is dating someone with a child and resenting it.

Largethighsbadeyes · 16/01/2023 22:20

I haven't read any further than the title because I don't need to.

Get rid of the partner your daughter should be your priority.

weRone · 16/01/2023 22:21

This can only get worse once your daughter is old enough to pick up on this.

I think you need to think about your values here. Who is more important to you: your child or your partner?

I know who I'd side with!

lieselotte · 16/01/2023 22:23

samsonthecat · 16/01/2023 17:38

Get rid of your partner. Your child should always come first.

This.

StrychnineInTheSandwiches · 16/01/2023 22:24

PeterRabbitIsNotHere · 16/01/2023 21:41

This thread is awful. I wish there was more understanding of how hard it is to be on the other side.
I say again, the child is not the problem. But it’s very hard to be so obviously at the bottom of the pile. Just another point of view on this very one sided thread.

It's really simple: if you can't handle a partner putting their child first then don't go out with a parent. Or at least go for someone whose kids have flown the nest. Feeling sorry for yourself because a 7 year old is taking some of your boyfriend's attention away is not a good look.

weRone · 16/01/2023 22:25

PeterRabbitIsNotHere · 16/01/2023 21:41

This thread is awful. I wish there was more understanding of how hard it is to be on the other side.
I say again, the child is not the problem. But it’s very hard to be so obviously at the bottom of the pile. Just another point of view on this very one sided thread.

with all due respect, I get that it is hard.

I've never been keen to date someone with a child - so I gave the single dads a miss, a child would be a dealbreaker.

onyttig · 16/01/2023 22:33

PeterRabbitIsNotHere · 16/01/2023 21:53

None of the messages on here mention partnership. The misogyny against the GF, the hatred and lack of understanding. Mostly from people who have no experience of what they’re talking about.

Show quote history

Tbh, I agree that there’s another side to this story - and one in which the OP probably doesn’t come out the poor, misunderstood father whose nasty GF is just petty and jealous and evil.

BUT, frankly, it doesn’t matter. The relationship isn’t going to work. If we heard her side of it, I’m pretty sure the answer would be the same - she should end the relationship and move on with her life.

The general glee to denounce the woman as an evil SM is not surprising either. Nor is the one-dimensional picture of the GF painted by the OP. No one is going to want to even consider that the GF’s version of events may barely be recognisable when compared to the OP’s tale of an irredeemably awful woman he chooses to live with. But there are better places to put your energy in fighting any of this stuff.

All in all, this relationship is not a go-er. Best for everyone to end it asap.

Terven · 16/01/2023 22:35

Obviously your child comes first. End this relationship.

PatientlyWaiting21 · 16/01/2023 23:07

It’s a no from me.