Are there any absoute rights and wrongs in parenting?

[seeker]

Apart from bottom line safety issues?

I have been thinking about this because I consider myself by nature a relativist, and the mumsnet consensus is to end most discussions with something like "each to their own".

But I was on a thread recently when I felt very strongly that someone's viewpoint was just wrong. Not a different point of view, but wrong. And I said so - expecting to be flamed - but somewhat to my chagrin I was reminded of my insignificance by being ignored!

So, are there any parenting issues that people feel are absolutely right or wrong - or is everything except basic safety things like car seats and smoking over babies heads and not leaving your valium open in the cot a matter of opinion?

obm, yes i saw, it STARTED like that but then dissolved a bit into a thread about smacking....

I think we're in a rather weird time at the moment. On the one hand, you have adults who are afraid to tell a random misbehaving teenager on the bus to sit down/shut up for fear of retribution. So we have these rampaging teens who are not afraid of anyone or anything.

On the other, we have parents who say that it's okay to hit their children (and I'm not going to apologise for using the word 'hit' - smacking is hitting).

Is it the case that the unruly teens have never been disciplined? Or is it that the only discipline they recognise is violence?

Or is there some kind of middle ground? That's what I'm aiming at.

I have to caveat all of the above because my DS is only a baby. Just musings

Meeely, yes: because smacking is an examplar of something that one might feel strongly enough about to speak up.

I didn't mean to be doing that.

I can dislike both methods of parenting.

I don't think they're opposites.

I also despise the Supernanny-by-the-book parenting. But it's not the opposite to the other two either.

We can be crap parents without being crap parents who hit.
God knows.

I know

Wavers indecisively towards there being things that are absolutely wrong again.

I wonder why smacking/hitting has almost a special place in the pantheon of crap parenting. Because I think there are other tings that are just as bad. Perhaps worse. Depending on the protagonists.

Looking back I barely remember being smacked (although I believe I was), but I do remember being humiliated. Not actually by my parents. Not often (lovely parents) and mostly inadvertently, but I remember it vividly.

Meely2 - that's what I'm puzzled by. We are programmed to believe that it's wrong to be judgemental - but maybe, just maybe, sometimes we should be. Maybe as a society we need to show that there are things which are just downright unaccceptable. And maybe that starts with us as individuals.

TFM - I agree with you. Having said that, I think that humiliating a child and hitting them are on the same spectrum but I'm too tired right now to explain any more.

wrongs
leaving babies to cry it out
smacking in any form
any type of belittling at all

its best to aim for a great relationship and attachment and to build the childs self esteem,so that they feel good about themseleves and want to behave well. imo

TFM

what I said already re comparitive evils.

Hitting (or whatever you want to call it) is an gross violation of a person's right to safety, security and autonomy over their own body. Those rights don't come into existence at 18 - they are inalienable.

Being brutally honest about my own failings - I would struggle to say it to someone in a RL situation, but I believe I/one should. Not just regarding hitting either.

is a gross violation - not an

What Seasidmama said, esp. about one's rights not beginning at 18. What I've been scrabbling for.

I agree.

I think you can talk about parenting methods and the minutaie of naughty steps and taps on hands, etc, but if you don't treat your children like people, you're on the wrong track altogether.

All this talk of being bad and give 'em an inch and they'll take a mile - it sets up these artificial boundaries in families - and, as I say, if you expect a child to play up, nine times out of ten, they will.

minutia.

Bunghole.

SEASIDe.
And I did like An Gross Violation. Sounded legal.

Ah, you have a blocked nose too?

this is my stance on the subject

you are jokey-cokey though vvvqv? just to confirm, like.

Not about the minutia I am not. Everything else though.........

but which minutia specifically? Out of all the minutiae available. New name is very ..um.. like new Toyota 4x4 for domestic use btw.

LOL! It doesn't mean 4x4 though!

Just about the spelling of minutia, nothing else

When the going gets rough.
When family life goes... off-road.
When you need to know they're safe.

Shizaru. By Toyota.

ROFL - not helpful - trying to bf my very little person!