Are there any absoute rights and wrongs in parenting?

[seeker]

Apart from bottom line safety issues?

I have been thinking about this because I consider myself by nature a relativist, and the mumsnet consensus is to end most discussions with something like "each to their own".

But I was on a thread recently when I felt very strongly that someone's viewpoint was just wrong. Not a different point of view, but wrong. And I said so - expecting to be flamed - but somewhat to my chagrin I was reminded of my insignificance by being ignored!

So, are there any parenting issues that people feel are absolutely right or wrong - or is everything except basic safety things like car seats and smoking over babies heads and not leaving your valium open in the cot a matter of opinion?

Haven't seen that. Where is it?

Smacking is lazy parenting for parents who cannot think of other ways to communicate with their children.
It's an easy, but very short-term fix which teaches your children absolutely nothing about right or wrong

For the record, I would like to disassociate myself completely from Xenia's comments about class. ( I knew I couldn't agree with you for long, Xenia!)

Also for the record, I would like to say that it seems to me that the abuse on this thread seems to be coming from the pro smackers - I have never called anyone I disagreed with a "foaming loon" (good phrase though - if it's not copyright I'll use it in the future) or told them to removee the plug from their arse.

"I am also 100% sure that the lower your class the more likely your parents will smack and punch you. Any survey or stages would show you that."..........
what a complete load of tripe xenia and also then you have the gall to post this.... "...even if you did a survey on here perhaps even based on how well the smackers spell or badly compared with the non smackers, you would find the same."
who exactly do you think you are?????? you really are the most annoying narrow minded idiot i have ever had the misfortune to come across.
and as for you monkeytrousers, words fail me, you really think you are the dogs bollox dont you? both of you also have no clue of life in the big world outside of your "cushy little educated superior bubble"......
i think perhaps you should get "educated" yourself on the subject of class and abuse, throughout the ages before you attack others.

oh and just for the record i have a vast amount of knowledge on this subject, both personal and through research. and i do not think that the more educated you are makes for a better parenting style, quite the contrary infact, at least in the council estates that you so nicely mentioned xenia parents are less likely to hide their "parenting mishaps".

lol @ the comments about 'lower class'. Delightful.

I'm not a fan of smacking, as it happens, but the casual way people are bandying around the notion of 'reporting your parents', and using school to encourage that message makes me very glad I HE.

By monkeytrousers on Fri 08-Feb-08 08:10:27
If education wasn';t a factor parenting classes wouldn't work - but they do.

But monkeytrousers, those are classes specifically aimed at teaching parenting skills. It does not follow that my PhD in medieval Latin will make me a better parent.
Most people who are considered educated have not done parenting classes; on balance, I suspect those are more likely to be offered to people from the lower strata of society.

cory - yes, your PhD in Medieval Latin should make you a better parent, because the deep analytical skills (the whole point of education ) that a PhD enables you to acquire are transferable skills that you should then be able to apply to all aspects of your life.

If you don't realise that, that makes me wonder about the quality of your PhD.

My dh goes to a medieval Latin translating group. I will make no comment on the parenting skills of the people involved!

stleger - LOL.

But it is the PhD (ie level of analysis required), not the particular subject under study, that matters.

A PhD in any arts/humanities/social science subject offered by a standard British university ought to have enabled its holder to develop high-level analytical skills that are transferable to all areas of life.

And yet, being a good parent isn't necessarily going to go hand in hand with a PhD, because most people with those kinds of qualifications are still human beings, with failings and foibles just the same as the vast majority who never even contemplated Uni, let alone a Doctorate.

having phd makes you a goo parent becuase you have better analytical skills?

dear lord!

people on coucil estates thump their kids left and right!

jesus christ

can i ask....how up your own arses do you have to be to be a good parent?

Anna, I think we should allow for the fact that people with less formal education may well have acquired transferable skills through other means.
I grew up with many friends from working class families, and it seems to me that their parents were very far from lacking in transferable skills. It was just the medieval manuscript side of life that they were a bit shaky on.
My best friend's Mum worked at the conveyor belt of the local egg-packing factory, her Dad was a lumberjack. They were some of the best parents I have ever observed. I often think of them and try to model my style on theirs. But I really wouldn't have trusted them to edit a collection of leonine hexameters

custy, I agree entirely!

SueBaroo - I agree, there is no guarantee and there is more to being a good parent than education.

However, education does afford individuals greater abilities to reflect on their thoughts and actions, and to change their behaviours.

Thank goodness, because otherwise the human race really would be doomed .

cory - absolutely, I do not for a second believe that a PhD is the only way to acquire transferable analytical skills.

Oh, I don't think we're doomed. Most educated folk think we've been around for a very, very long time, with hardly any education at all

Actually, I question whether the point of a PhD is to acquire transferable analytical skills. If it is, it doesn't seem to have worked in all the cases known to me personally.....I do realize that I am extrapolating from the particular to the general though.

Mn is really becoming a bit 'them and us' recently.

Really? My perception is that many human civilisations have come and gone and that education and insight have been key to their success.

Ah, but Anna8888, you said the human race would be doomed, not specifically human civilization.

I happen to think that human civilizations are always in the process of growth or decline, and education is just one part of that.

/pedant

Sadly, most of us who dwell in the world of academe would be a little wary of equating education with insight.

I think Seeker has a point. Anyway, I didn't do a PhD because I wanted transferable skills to use on something else, but because I wanted to become a specialist in my own little narrow field. Because it's fun! Doesn't make me think I'm a better person.

Of course, I want to be a good person and a good parent, but that is a thing apart.

I do think Mumsnet is becoming very polarised and there is a lot of ill-natured prejudiced comment on 'the other half'.

I have also worked in academia and that wasn't my experience at all - it was all about insight and transferable skills and being able to look at the world through different eyes to shed light on our experiences.

Most working class people are thick than middle class. Their parenting is worse. They are more likely to smack.

However parents of any class and any brain level are morally wrong to hit a child.

If people who are in favour of smacking want to give me their class and income level I bet I'm right too. The less you earn and the lower your IQ the more likely you smack. We are educating people out of physical violence at home but it is taking a while.

By Xenia on Fri 08-Feb-08 11:03:45
"Most working class people are thick than middle class."

I'm afraid your posts on this forum are not providing much evidence of that.