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Original poster

Husband wants to go travelling for three months when DC is five

129 replies

Lilyyy · 10/12/2022 21:53

DH has told me he’s going travelling across South America with friends when our baby is 5, currently she’s 7 months.

He’s given me lots of notice as he says he is going to start saving.

part of me is annoyed because this will cost a lot and will have an impact on things we do as a family, plus that I’ll be expected to be the sole parent for three months. He doesn’t see the problem as he’s given me a lot of notice.
would you be annoyed or am I being unfair?

OP posts:
PuttingDownRoots · 10/12/2022 21:57

Tell him thats fine, as you are planning a six month sailing trip when your child is four.

MolliciousIntent · 10/12/2022 21:58

Save a bit extra and send the kid with him.

ElfDragon · 10/12/2022 22:00

What Puttingdownroots said

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velvetstars · 10/12/2022 22:00

Wtf did I just read ?! That's not a thing. You can't unilaterally opt out of parenting for a 3 month holiday on your own just because you give some notice.

Absolutely not.

LiftyLift · 10/12/2022 22:02

No chance would he be spending family money on a three month trip away. That’s what you do before you have children, not after.

Amammai · 10/12/2022 22:03

I think as PP has said. Agree , as long as you have the same opportunity at some point! But seriously, when your child is 5, assuming you might be working or could possibly have another child, do you have family/friends etc who would help with school runs/clubs etc not to mention of it falls over a birthday/school holiday etc- parties/prepping. . There is a lot to consider!

NerrSnerr · 10/12/2022 22:03

Have you asked him who is going to do his share of the parenting? How will you balance that with work etc or is it already expected that you'll be doing it all anyway?

NuffSaidSam · 10/12/2022 22:04

Go with him. Will be a great experience for your 5 year old.

Original poster
Lilyyy · 10/12/2022 22:08

He doesn’t want me and DC to come as this is a friends holiday with the boys, and he hasn’t considered how I am going to look after our child while balancing full time work 🙄something I need him to tell me. He just sees it as oh I’ve given you four years notice so that’s fine

OP posts:
Remaker · 10/12/2022 22:09

You don’t just announce things like that to your spouse. Him ‘saving money’ means everyone in the family sacrificing. He can’t just go away for 3 mths for a holiday. Why can’t you save and all three of you go somewhere for a month or two - surely that’s what normal families do?

pollutemymind · 10/12/2022 22:09

There's a thread similar to this somewhere about husbands leaving for holidays

Womeninthesequel · 10/12/2022 22:10

Bet you anything you like the holiday never happens.

Phineyj · 10/12/2022 22:11

He has a very odd idea of being a dad. And is rather clueless - primary school is the hard bit for childcare, not the baby years.

Remaker · 10/12/2022 22:11

Do the other ‘boys’ have children?

Phineyj · 10/12/2022 22:11

I mean, yes it's cheaper. But much more fiddly to manage.

Miriam101 · 10/12/2022 22:12

I suspect he will have changed his mind about this by the time it's meant to happen but my response right now would be: no fucking way mate. A "friends holiday with the boys" that lasts three months is something you do when you're either literally still boys (or thereabouts) or child-free. A "friends holiday when you've got kids" is a weekend away in Cornwall. Or- even better- a night at the pub. He sounds like he's fantastically immature to think this is ok.

LimeCheesecake · 10/12/2022 22:13

your Dc is 7 months old - are you still on mar leave and the bulk of the childcare falls to you? You are at the stage when dc is your job, so he sees childcare is your responsibility, not joint.

As PP said, who does he expect to do his share of parenting when he’s away, or is he telling you that once your out of the mat leave stage, he’s not intending to step up and do half anyway?

GrumpyPanda · 10/12/2022 22:14

When he mentioned it's four years away, did you say to him "oh - you mean after our divorce then?"

coldec · 10/12/2022 22:15

I would tell him if he wants to spend his marriage living the single life to fuck off now. I'm happy for couples having separate holidays etc but not for three months. That is is a pisstake on all levels.

FoxtrotOscarFoxtrotOscar · 10/12/2022 22:16

GrumpyPanda · 10/12/2022 22:14

When he mentioned it's four years away, did you say to him "oh - you mean after our divorce then?"

😂

Original poster
Lilyyy · 10/12/2022 22:18

I thought it was a piss take, but he’s so convinced it’s not and because it’s so far away I was doubting myself

OP posts:
Tuichi · 10/12/2022 22:18

I don’t have kids, regularly do holidays separately from my dp and wouldn’t be happy at all if he announced this. Three months is extremely indulgent unless you’ve got your own extended trip pencilled in. Something like this should either be an adventure both choose and go on together or you go for a shorter period. I’d be miffed left looking after the house, pets, etc., for such a long time let alone a child.

Morechocmorechoc · 10/12/2022 22:19

I'd like telling him he can find new accommodation upon his return.

jay55 · 10/12/2022 22:32

Make sure he saves enough to pay for a nanny whilst he's gone.
Such a twat.

Abouttimemum · 10/12/2022 22:34

I couldn’t imagine wanting to be away from my child for 3 months. Nope. Weird. So it’s ok saying, yes go ahead and I’ll do the same, but the wanting to be away for that long? Can’t get my head around it. He can crack on but I wouldn’t be hanging around when he got back.