When did this etiquette change at kids parties?

[SantaOnFanta]

I remember as a child in the 1980's it was the thing at the end of the party to sit in a circle and the child opened everyone's presents and said thank you.

Now no presents get opened at parties and you rarely hear a thank you afterwards.

At what point did this all change?

Presents opened as given at my parties but that wasn’t consistent and at some parties they would sit there all wrapped up to be taken home. As a child I found this a rather stuck up way of doing things. It looks like you don’t care about the gifts.

Not sure what happened there🤔 I was going to say indifferent dismissal of the present you bought them and could be very embarrassing and hurtful in front of everyone. Thank you’s should always be sent though.

Yes I'm a child of the 70s and remember the opening gifts at the party thing but the parties were usually small and in the birthday child's house. Now more are larger numbers and held in halls, soft play etc etc
Mine were born 99 and 2005 and they didn't open presents until we got home from the venue as there would be over 30 at the party and they were chaos! However, I made a note of every gift and who it was from and then made Thank You notes and got the children to write what the present was and add their name. As they grew older and parties became smaller they still wrote notes. One party, my daughter had to sign over 60 notes! They're adults now but I still expect them to phone or at least text and they do. I think it's rude not to say thank you.

It’s slightly weird that no one says thank you anymore but I’ve kind of got used to it now.

I remember as a child in the 1890's it was the thing at the end of the party to sit in a circle and the birthday child got a bowl of gruel with a piece of bread whilst we just brushed the soot off our ragged clothes but, to be fair, they did always say thank you.

How things have changed.

I was born in the mid 70’s and this was definitely a thing at primary age parties. I remember being so worried about the reaction to my gift, or if they received duplicates - I actually think this is why I don’t like giving gifts to this day!

Parties were always at home, there were circle games like pass the parcel as well the obligatory musical chairs/bumps and dead lions. Richer people had an entertainer come to the house - I remember magicians with actual rabbits and a Punch and Judy show.

We did it the old way OP growing up. I actually prefer it opening the presents after the party. Then the focus isn't on the gifts and embarrassing reactions. I used to write thank you notes.

We did this at my daughter's party (not quite a circle, more a seething mob of children all wanting their present to be opened next - they are all around 4). I had been expecting to take the presents home for her to open, but the same happened at her friend's party too. It was a nice break from the games and they all had fun with the wrapping paper.

I have been trying to remember what we did in the 80s but can't!

I don't get my kids to open my presents at their parties because they might not like it/ already have it/might get two of something and are too young to be diplomatic. Always say thank you afterwards but to some extent if youve done a big class party I guess the present and the party giving sort of cancel out a bit.

Didn’t happen in the 60’s when I was a child, not in the 80’s when my children were small and hasn’t happened with my grandchildren either. Birthday child always said goodbye and thank you as party guests left

Their presents that should say not my presents!

I had birthday parties in late 80s/early 90s, and my parents made me wait until the party was over&everyone had gone home, before I could open presents.

The reasons were because it was boring (whole class parties=30 presents, so long time to open all gifts), and to avoid any awkwardness due to economical differences regarding presents.

I don’t remember any parties where the host opened the presents in front of everyone.

Agree. It's rude and grabby to open in front of friends, but also rude not to say thank you - especially now that (unlike in the 80s), phones and email make it so easy.

Opening presents at parties was definitely a thing where I lived in the 80s. Always at the start of the party as people were arriving and it gave the birthday child chance to thank their friends properly.

Only had 1 party like this and it was awful, the birthday child had a shed loads of presents from friends and family and most of the party was just watching it.

We don't open presents at parties now but we do send a generic thank you message for the gifts

Agree there's a lot of potential for it to go wrong and have feelings hurt.

It took you 40 years to realize it wasn’t a thing anymore? Lol

i don’t recall it being a thing for a very very long time and I’m a 80,s baby as well.

I would find it so cringe to sit around a circle opening gifts and thanking each person. Pressure on those who can only afford something small.

I never saw present opening at parties. I was 80s birthday parties.

I've never heard of that. Think someone in your school must have done it and then everyone followed their lead. It's really not a thing.

I compared Dutch party etiquette with English party etiquette with a Dutch colleague. We living in NL and Dutch colleague was living in England.

English party: child is delivered to venue with card and present. Present is taken away. Party takes place. Parents collect at the allotted time. A short while after the party a thank you letter is received. My colleague described this as being like a receipt!

Dutch party: child is delivered to the venue with card or present. Present is immediately opened and thanks given straightaway. Later on a car pulls up outside party goer's home. The car contains about 15 children. Party goer gets out. There are many excited farewells. Car pulls off with the rest of the party goers.

We were both baffled by the other's etiquette until we got used to it.

We never do it. ASD kids are brutally honest for a start, despite being reminded constantly! And there's often a huge disparity in the cash value if gifts, and some people don't bring any. Not fair for attention to be brought to that.

The etiquette both before and after was slightly different, in my experience.

When I was a kid myself in the 70s, children opened their presents one at a time as the present givers arrived. They thanked the givers straight away and I don't think they usually wrote a letter as well. Thank you letters were for people you didn't see in person on your birthday but who sent you something, like your granny or auntie.

When my DC were at the same stage in the 00s, most parties didn't seem to involve any present opening on the spot. You gave the present to the birthday person or their parents, it was put on one side and they opened it later and thanked you in a note or a phone call. This was also around the time giving money instead of a thing began to creep in, though mainly for older children and teenagers, so there might have been an element of not wanting anyone to feel embarrassed if their gift of money was obviously less than someone else's.

But at one party when one of my DC was (I think) around 5 or 6, we put the presents aside as we had seen happen at so many other parties, only for one of the children to ask as they were getting ready to leave, "but when is X going to open his presents?" We had enough time to spare to do it there and then but I did feel a bit wrong-footed - I'd only been doing what I thought was currently the done thing.

When we were small and had parties at home we used to open the presents as they arrived. I remember the faintly awkward vibe as I opened the third identical present when I was about 5 or 6 and wasn't quite sure why-they were matching dolls and as far as I was concerned having 3 matching ones was wonderful (they were definitely triplets).
But when they moved to being trips away we didn't open them in front of our friends. As now the majority of parties aren't at home I guess that is at least part of it.

I'm a child of the 80's and remember doing the circle present opening thing OP. Nowadays, my DC usually have parties away from home, so I collect any gifts and send a group photo of all the kids to the parents at the end of the party with a thank you.

I had birthdays in 1970s and parties every year up until I was 11 and I never opened presents like this!

it was just as and when!

Some kids in my class I think did this but most just handed them over as and when.

I’m sure we all said thank you for the presents but it certainly wasn’t a given and pounced on if you didn’t!