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Original poster

DD has vodka stashed in her room - advice please!

172 replies

Namechangeteentroubles · 28/10/2022 22:05

Back story; DD in Y10 has recently started at a new school after years of hating her own school, anxiety, friendship issues etc. We had a very very rough time with her these last couple of years, lots of therapy etc. She was miserable. She has adapted very well to the new school and has a great group of friends and is behaving much more like a regular teen girl. It has been a huge relief.

She has been invited to her first party at a friends house tomorrow and has been really looking forward to it for a couple of weeks. She has been quite open saying that some kids in her school have drunk alcohol and it is possible they might try to sneak some in etc. She said I can trust her etc. I’ve never had reason not to before. She has always been very well behaved. However, younger DD2 just told me that DD1 has told her that she has vodka (bought with a friend from someone at school) and a vape hidden in her room to bring to the party tomorrow. She is apparently not planning to drink it herself, she is bringing it for a friend and the vape is for someone else. I am livid but haven’t done or said anything yet. I will look for the vodka when she is asleep but once found I’m not sure how to approach this…. I guess she shouldn’t be allowed to go to the party but I actually also feel bad her for her because she finally has a social life after years of misery and she was so looking forward to this…. Any advice appreciated……

OP posts:
LazyJayne · 28/10/2022 22:09

Tell DD2 to bore off

TheLightSideOfTheMoon · 28/10/2022 22:11

I’d let her keep the vodka but say no to the vape.

One hideous hangover and she won’t touch vodka again for ages.

Whereas a vape can become an incredibly dangerous habit.

PeekabooAtTheZoo · 28/10/2022 22:12

Yeah DD2 is out to make trouble for her sister. Whether it's true or not, your real issue is DD2. She is going to irreparably damage her relationship with DD1 if you go into DD1's room looking and DD2 could also have lied to you about it. I would just let this work itself out and if DD1 comes back drunk, chores with a hangover the next morning are the usual cure to stop her doing it again.

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sleepyduvetcat · 28/10/2022 22:12

Let it run its course.

Annabananna1 · 28/10/2022 22:15

Ah she is at that age.
It's normal.
Is she a sensible enough kid?

Say nothing. Prepare to deal with a drunk teenager. Black bin bags on the seats of the car.

I think many of us have been there.

Original poster
Namechangeteentroubles · 28/10/2022 22:16

DD2 actually was crying her eyes out before she told me. I had to coax it out of her. The whole thing completely stressed her out! She wasn't really trying to out DD1 as such and has made me promise not to tell she told me. I'm not sure I am ready to let DD1 go to a party at someones house with vodka....

OP posts:
Deadcatsboneytale · 28/10/2022 22:18

Buy Dd1 some alcopops such as WKD they are not as strong as vodka

Original poster
Namechangeteentroubles · 28/10/2022 22:19

Annabanana, she is usually quite sensible but she is only 14. Vodka is just so strong. She has never drunk before. I wouldn't be so worried if it were beer (and I have explained to her about alcohol content). The vape worries me less but maybe it shouldn't.

OP posts:
VisitingThem · 28/10/2022 22:19

How much younger is DD2? I agree with pp that this kind of stirring is going to hinder their relationship if you rise to it.

With regards to the alleged booze the hangover will be the natural consequence of that!

Helpmeheal · 28/10/2022 22:20

I remember doing this at her age (i dont drink vodka now!). I guess it's part of growing up.
Agree with what @Annabananna1 said.

SavingsThreads · 28/10/2022 22:20

Bin the vape and water down the vodka. Don't let on to either.

Original poster
Namechangeteentroubles · 28/10/2022 22:20

DD2 is only 12

OP posts:
titchy · 28/10/2022 22:22

Deadcatsboneytale · 28/10/2022 22:18

Buy Dd1 some alcopops such as WKD they are not as strong as vodka

Yeah this. Chat with her tomorrow about peer pressure, how alcohol lowers inhibitions and makes people do things they regret, and HOW TO DRINK SAFELY - ie from a bottle you have brought that you keep hold of all
The time, and that when it's finished you surreptitiously fill with water or coke.

Swap the vodka for breeders or something similar.

MarshaMelrose · 28/10/2022 22:23

I got drunk on gin at 14. Just the word makes me feel sick 50 years later. And the smell...🤮

It's just normal teenage behaviour so don't go too hard on her.

Original poster
Namechangeteentroubles · 28/10/2022 22:23

SavingThreads: I was thinking of replacing the vodka with watering not saying anything.

OP posts:
SD1978 · 28/10/2022 22:23

DD2 is telling tales and trying to cause shit.... no 12 yr old is going to be wringing their hands and crying at the thought their older sister has a quarter bottle of vodka and a vape.....regardless, I would be having a more generalised chat with DD1, regarding expectations, behaviour, and consequences if she breaks your trust and is drinking, etc at a party.

Bouledeneige · 28/10/2022 22:25

Seems kinda normal to me on the part of DD1. Let's not over-react - that's what teens do.

Because my older DD is Instagram friends with my best friend's 16 yr old DD (16) - I saw Instagram vid of her drinking vodka and dancing on the kitchen island - vaping too. All seemed pretty normal to me.

DD2 is stirring it and the tears are a bit manipulative no?

XanaduKira · 28/10/2022 22:25

PeekabooAtTheZoo · 28/10/2022 22:12

Yeah DD2 is out to make trouble for her sister. Whether it's true or not, your real issue is DD2. She is going to irreparably damage her relationship with DD1 if you go into DD1's room looking and DD2 could also have lied to you about it. I would just let this work itself out and if DD1 comes back drunk, chores with a hangover the next morning are the usual cure to stop her doing it again.

I agree with this.

XanaduKira · 28/10/2022 22:26

Namechangeteentroubles · 28/10/2022 22:23

SavingThreads: I was thinking of replacing the vodka with watering not saying anything.

Now this is genius- although I'd worry about the future and her thinking she can handle a lot more vodka than she actually can.

Bouledeneige · 28/10/2022 22:27

Btw I was the youngest of my family and when I wanted to get my sisters in shit I'd go to my Mum crying, pretending to be reluctant to tell.... Crafty minx.

I'm nice now...

MrsMitford3 · 28/10/2022 22:27

I cant believe DD2 is getting grief

DD1 (age 14) can not bring vodka to a party

I would 100% take it-I have 3 Dc-now thankfully past this stage but the problem with spirits is you get very very drunk before you know it.

All mine knew my views on that and I would tread carefully but what happens if the host parents know your dc brought it?

Or if another child gets very drunk and ill?

Original poster
Namechangeteentroubles · 28/10/2022 22:27

I am upset at the lying as I asked her if I could trust her at this party etc. we've had a few conversations about it. She said very convincingly I could. She never really lied before but I guess all teens do.😩

OP posts:
Daisy95 · 28/10/2022 22:31

Oh god I was drinking vodka at every party at this age, can't touch the stuff now 😂 all teens lie especially about this stuff. I was so close to my parents and still am. I do think this is just normal teenage behaviour. Glad she's she is getting on better at her new school

Regularsizedrudy · 28/10/2022 22:32

If you genuinely think she hasn’t drank before have a frank conversation with her about what a bad idea starting off on vodka is. Ask her to hand over the vodka and vape but I would still let her go.

PutinIsAWarCriminal · 28/10/2022 22:32

Bloody hell, from the responses here I must be the strictest parent on the planet! Absolutely no way in hell would my 14yo have a bottle of vodka in their room to take to a party and me be cool with it and let it run its course. Really dangerous and irresponsible parenting here. Mine can have a glass of wine or a beer with us with our supervision occasionally, but that's it.

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