Toddler won’t hold my hand or tolerate reins

[Creamypumpkinsoup]

I’m unsure if there’s a way of encouraging this. I’d prefer not to use the pushchair but he won’t always hold my hand (sometimes will but sometimes refuses) and will not tolerate reins, have tried the backpack ones but got nowhere. Any ideas?

Unfortunately this is where you need to be firm.

He either sits in the pushchair, holds your hand or wear reins.

Dont let him walk with no option.

If he cries he cries

How old? But mine get the choice- either they walk nicely holding hands or they go in the stroller, if there’s a tantrum so be it. Rinse repeat a few times and by being firm and consistent they do learn and by 18-20 months ish mine would both walk holding holding hands pretty much all the time, and if they don’t it’s only because they’re tired and will therefore only give a very brief fuss about going in the stroller.

How old is he? Can you trial him walking in a safe area? My DS had to be on reins as he was not safe at 2 (though fine by 3.5) but my DD is pretty safe - though unbelievably unbelievably slow - at 2.

Yeah, this is a battle I’d pick tbh. What pp said.

Pushchair then? The problem is that I struggle to manage him plus pushchair so either he’s in the pushchair or he isn’t if you see what I mean.

he is pretty speedy - 22 months.

Don't back down.

Pushchair or reins. Don't let a 1yo take charge.

Ok I’m with the others at 22m. Wedge him into pushchair or reins and no other choices.

He either goes on reins or holds your hand or goes in his pushchair.

Those are his choices. I'd offer an either/or.

He will scream and tantrum but that's what parenting toddlers is like

What does he do when you put reins on? Mine used to just sit down and refuse to move for a while, but that got boring so eventually he'd get up and walk. Or I'd carry him.

If you need to get anywhere quickly he'll have to go in the pushchair. 22 month olds are not known for their amenability.

What do you mean he 'won't' hold your hand? He's 22 months, so if you decide you are holding his hand, then just hold his hand. Does he throw himself to the ground?

Pushchair until he is walking safely with you in that case. Practice walking safely with him by taking him to a park or somewhere where you can leave the pushchair while he walks with you. I used to walk my eldest down the street and back to our house just to practice hand holding and crossing roads. When we actually needed to get somewhere she went in the buggy until I was confident that she could walk safely x

Hold his hand with one hand, push the pushchair with the other. If he fights his hand being held, and is therefore not walking nicely, he gets one warning, and then he goes back in it. Do this as many times as necessary.

@2reefsin30knots you take his hand but he yanks it free or like you say yes flings himself down.

There is no way I could hold onto a toddler and push the pram. So it is pram or nothing. I don’t massively like using the pram but needs must.

Would he hold onto the pram? Means he's close enough to grab if you need to.

Sadly no … he appears to be a free spirit

The problem is he’s unpredictable, like most toddlers I guess. Sometimes he’ll walk beautifully holding my hand but other times (this afternoon!) just point blank refuses.

Have you tried different reins? My DS was the same and a bolter so we needed reins. But he'd just flop down on the ground like when you put a lead on a cat. Then we tried a wrist rein and it worked a treat. He even became more amenable to hand holding as a result.

I sympathise with you op as i have a refuser as well! A bit earlier than you need to leave the house (so it gives you time not to be late incase tantrums pursue) ask him nicely in an upbeat way what he wants, give him an option of reins or hand hold. Toddlers love to have some control. If he denies both (as mine has form for doing) than firmly say if you don't pick one you will go in the pushchair. Tell him you can have a lollypop at end of journey if you choose one. This worked with my stubborn toddler who was refusing a pick up across a very fast busy road with no crossing, he got a lollipop at the other side and I haven't had any further issues since. Sometimes bribery works and I only needed to do it once.

What do you mean he won't tolerate reins?

He wears them. If he doesn't walk with them, he has to go in the pram.

In my house, they are not optional as I'd rather my daughter didn't run into the road and die.

This is non-negotiable.

If he can't be relied on to hold hands, then you have to insist on reins or use the pushchair.

And keep doing it until no longer unpredictable.

Yes I know that dealing with tantrums is exhausting, but this is a safety issue on which no compromise is possible.

I recommend you don't try to negotiate, just stick with pushchair for now and try reins again in a couple of months

everyone, what I asked in my post was if there was a way to encourage hand holding or rein wearing.

Also if you can wrestle him into the backpack style reins and take him out the house so quickly distracting him as the tantrum begins saying wow loook at thay car what colour is that etc , he may forget he has it on. We did this as well and he got used to wearing it and started asking for it eventually! They can also keep their favourite cuddly toy in it etc.

That’s @Caughtupinsomething , unfortunately he doesn’t really seem to respond, I’m not totally sure how much he understands. He just says no. I’m fed up of hearing the word no

Even a little treat as soon as be has it on and emphasising that he has it for being a big boy wearing his big boy backpack.

This is a situation where you make the decision - because the alternative is likely to be a toddler who has been run over.
So he holds your hand or reins - and you decide which and stick to it.
If he tantrums you either wait for the tantrum to finish and then he holds you hand or reins. Or if you have had enough you strap him into his Pram. Pro tip - wait for the intake of break before a large scram. Push firmly abs quickly in the chest area and then you can strap him in.
Hes a toddler - he has no logic (or very little), no impulse control and no understanding of danger. You must win this battle of wits - you can and you will. You are in charge not him. And that is perfectly ok. Believe in your natural authority as his mother.

This is one of the "joys" of being a parent. Take control, be consistent, ignore any tantrum. Tuck under arm if needs be, but never ever give in. Not once. Your son will soon work out you mean it and life will be better...until the next thing (but you will have the right tools to deal with it).

You've got this!