Toddler won’t hold my hand or tolerate reins

[Creamypumpkinsoup]

I’m unsure if there’s a way of encouraging this. I’d prefer not to use the pushchair but he won’t always hold my hand (sometimes will but sometimes refuses) and will not tolerate reins, have tried the backpack ones but got nowhere. Any ideas?

Aw @Creamypumpkinsoup don't be annoyed.

Sometimes you do have to channel your horrible strict Yorkshire Gran though tbh.

Cheap babyway pushchair is good for this situation, the type that fold up almost as small as a walking stick. I managed to carry this and walk with DS and we didn't have a car. Then whip it open if needed as a form of restraint!

I’m stressed @Avidreader69 Because I have said this repeatedly.

He does not run around in the traffic, he is carried or he goes in the pushchair. Yet people keep telling me what a shit parent I am (and I recognise no one used those exact words but things like why is he making the rules, it is very simple) are clear in their meanings. They are probably right but I’ve got the message now and it’s what I’ve said anyway,

So if he's carried or in a pushchair already...what are you asking?

Title.

The only way is to insist, I don't think there's a magical solution. You are bigger than him you need to be firm. If he can't walk safely then you need to use pram until he can. My son is nearly 4 and autistic, he can't reliable walk safely so we still need pram a lot. It is tiring to physically restrain them but sometimes you need to for safety.

Fine.

Keep repeating the hand holding and go for it. Ignore the tantrum. Be consistent.

Keep putting on the backpack. Ignore the anger, its only because he can't do what he wants. Let him throw the tantrum. Be consistent.

Don't overthink it.

I don’t think there is a magical solution at all. I literally wondered if anyone had any useful ideas or suggestions for encouraging hand holding. If there aren’t any, that’s fine, he goes in the pushchair.

If you have a heavy pram definitely consider getting a lighter more agile pushchair

Definitely not a shit parent!!

I got rid of the double buggy too early when I had my second or dd would have stayed in longer.

Luckily I had a pram with a sturdy hood so she would sit on that.

Ds stayed pretty much in his buggy till he was around 4.

He would get out and walk but then sit down again.

We used to have reins and a wrist strap, and I always gave DS the choice of which he would wear. He usually chose the wrist strap - I think he thought it was fairer because I had to wear it too! Neither of those stop you holding hands, then when they're more reliable you can drop them.

Hi

I don't anyone is trying to criticise you at all OP but this is really one of the times where you have to pull rank to keep your DS safe and its miserable until the ground rules are laid.

I know everyone has already said that but just wanted to add my oldest DD would never hold hands and still wont age 16 - she just hates the sensation. No logic to it at all. Looking back getting her to hold hands is not a battle any one could win. We used a buggy or back reins when she was little. Could your DS be similar?

For a short time I think you just need to give yourself a silly amount of journey time to get where you are going - give him the option of reins or buggy and be prepared to spend time getting one option enforced until he gets used to it. Once he knows you mean business he will move onto the next battle but I would be prepared to bribe with whatever he values to get him into the buggy or reins so he has a positive association with them.

Nobody is calling you a shit parent, there is no need to be that snarky.

Many of us have just explained what our own approaches were, i.e. you are the one in charge so give him no real choice. If he won't hold your hand or walk nicely on the reins (my preference was reins for mine) then he has to go in the pushchair whether he likes it or not. No choice for him there, and you simply get hold of him and make it happen if he tries to refuse. Ignore any tantrums or protests over it.

Nice response OP.

Nobody has told you that at all.
Most people have reiterated that this is just a stage of parenting where you don't gently persuade or 'encourage'. It is a stage of development where they don't have capacity. Posters who have been kind enough to take the time to respond to you have said it isn't you it is a stage of parenting where you just crack on and enforce.

There's your answer then. It is good parenting, not shit. If he refuses to behave on reins or holding hands then he goes into the pushchair. He gets no choice in the matter beyond that.

No one has said he has got a choice.

For the most part, we don’t use the buggy to get to where we’re going (if that makes sense) it’s more for things like car parks or by water. It’s a shame to not go to these places but I can’t manage him and the pushchair and so I was honestly just looking for any suggestions.

I mean car parks by places like parks or similar by the way. We don’t go on trips to car parks

Buggy board?

Thanks - I don’t think he would reliably stand on it. It’s perhaps easier to stay home / in the garden until he’s older.

Or wrist to wrist bungees. Then you're also on a lead too in his eyes.

This is one of those times where it's tough shit for him. 😁

You have to clip him in and ignore his protestations.

Mine were absolute sods and I tell you something, wrestling a toddler should be an Olympic sport.

Yeah I’ve got that now thanks.

Tough titties.

My rule was either hold hands, hold the handle(on the side) of the pushchair or sit in the pushchair.
Follow through. Every time!
Non negotiable.

Yes, thanks, everyone honestly - I really have got the message by now.