Toddler won’t hold my hand or tolerate reins

[Creamypumpkinsoup]

I’m unsure if there’s a way of encouraging this. I’d prefer not to use the pushchair but he won’t always hold my hand (sometimes will but sometimes refuses) and will not tolerate reins, have tried the backpack ones but got nowhere. Any ideas?

Just had to post to reassure you my 21 month old is exactly the same. Sometimes he’s a lovely angel who walks holding my hand chatting away. Other times it’s NO!, hand yank and off he goes. I normally don’t bother with the pushchair as it’s a pain in the arse managing both like you say, if he yanks his hand out I just pick him up. He kicks off all kinds of levels as he hates being restrained but that’s what we’re going with 🙈
I try and sit down with him and do the whole “hold mummy’s hand or I’ll have to carry you” bla bla which sometimes works after several picking up episodes.
don’t be hard on yourself thought we’ve just got strong willed independent kids… right?!…

Thanks, those who get it. Some of the posts here have been very upsetting to read.

Sorry this sounds very stressful! Not sure if anyone else has suggested but can you try a little trike or something, that might be more appealing than a buggy? Just a suggestion & lighter than a buggy if you need to wrangle toddler too

That’s a great idea. Thank you

Because if they sit their solid little butt's on the floor and refuse to move, you aren't moving them unless you're willing to pull them along and hurt them. Or you end up back in the buggy which she's trying to grow out of or you don't go which is fine for the park, not so much school run etc.

OP says he gets angry. Well fine. If that looks like sitting, let him, take a book with you. If it looks like running, the reins deal with that. If it looks like screaming, into the buggy and straight home. If it looks like crying, sympathy but firmness. Firm, nice but no giving in.

I had a bolter. A fast, very slippery bolter. I got rid of the buggy at 18 months and just had reins. I didn't trust just hand holding.

BTW OP mine has ADHD so beat that in mind .

I’m sorry some posters have been unhelpful; don’t let it get to you.
They are complete anarchists at this age, unfortunately.
Have you tried something for him to push? Could be a doll’s pram or a shopping trolley or one of those wheels on a stick. I found it gives them more of a purpose in walking. Also in the colder months I used to keep their hoods lightly in my hand. It’s enough to stop them if they go rogue.

-Definitely prioritise fenced in playgrounds for outings!
-Near a pond is absolutely not the place to feel like you’re not in control. Don’t feel bad for that!
-There is an awkward toddler phase for everyone when they’re in/out of the pram a lot. If you can’t push yours with one hand then you’ll have problems no matter how nicely (or not) your kid walks. I’d consider a cheap lightweight buggy or maybe even a little trike you can push easily.

Take him in the pushchair. For now. He can still enjoy it.

I mean this kindly op but he’s a toddler you can’t “encourage” them to do anything they are irrational beings.

DS liked the wrist reins best - might be worth a try?

Hang on in there - it won’t be forever

He might not get it first time, @Creamypumpkinsoup, but consistent repetition will help him learn.

Because quite simply you are the parent.

reins go on

child makes a fuss

if you can’t walk nicely you will have to go in the pushchair

child makes a fuss

popped in the pushchair

he will learn

what will you do if it’s the car seat and he keeps unlocking it or taking his seatbelt off?

it’s not that your a shit parent, you just need to be firm and consistent

Won't tolerate?
You're setting yourself up for a lifetime of problems if you can't parent a 2 year old.
It needs to be non negotiable. Reins or no trips out.

My ds is autistic and hated reins and the buggy when he eas younger. I used a toddler sling on my back for a long time. You are not a shit parent, parenting is hard.

I struggle to push the buggy one handed too.

Are you able to carry him easily? Can you let him run around the park whilst you push the buggy and then once you get close to the pond you can pop him in the buggy for that part?

Choose a new park which is safe and enclosed and just carry him from the car to the safe park?

As far as encouraging goes, we did lots of slow practice walks so we would go out to feed the ducks or visit a cafe and if they refused to hold my hand then I would just carry them home. I think lots of practice when you aren't in a rush helps.

And this is helpful, how?

The child is not even 2 yet, now I know MN children are mostly child geniuses but back in the real word, he won't understand 'reins or no trip out'

I never used reins. I just used the buggy until they were old enough to walk nicely with me or hold my hand. None of mine were capable of that until they were a lot older than 22 months.

I was going to suggest a trike too. The ones with a push along handle are quite easy to steer. You could take him out wearing reins so that he could do some walking when you get to the park. Hopefully the trike would be a much more exciting option than a pram for him OP.

If mine were refusing to hold my hand and doing the wriggling squirming thing I'd hold their wrist/top of their arm. Much hard for them to wriggle out of that because their chubby (gorgeous) little toddler hands can't slip down out of your grasp.

But yes, wrestle him into pushchair if need be. If he planks tickle him and he'll bend or relax his body so you can get him into a sitting position (tickle him then bend his legs by pushing gently behind his knees, insert into pushchair seat. Have the straps open and stretched out across the frame so you're not then scrabbling behind his back to get to them and he has a chance to plank again)

Agree with others that if he refuses to walk while wearing reins then just wait. Your capacity for boredom far outweighs his. Not ideal if you're in a hurry obviously but I would quite happily stand next to a sulking toddler without engaging with them until they'd had enough. As soon as they get up to move you take their hand or hand on their back or something gently assertive with a 'great choice DS well done for walking!' or something and off you go at a brisk pace. If he does it again rinse and repeat.
It's a long process this one but it does eventually show them that you mean business with the reins and they come to the conclusion that they might as well just walk when they're put on!

I'm really sorry I should have read all of the responses before posting. I see now OP that you have no issue with pushchair so that advice was unnecessary, my apologies.

Honestly it's hard at this age. We've all been there, truly. I had two incredibly headstrong toddlers, one of them mellowed out and one is now 6 and still needs ridiculous contortions to get him to do stuff sometimes! There are days when I could quite happily scream along with you!

Seriously though, try holding by the wrist, that can really help in terms of wiggling free and also just some kids prefer that sensation. And if not, just wait out his boredom. If he goes to run off then hold him and wait it out that way. It won't take many of these for him to get the idea. I'm fairly bullet proof about being embarrassed by my kids tantruming or doing weird shit in public but if you are embarrassed I PROMISE you 99% of people who encounter you will either be experiencing similar themselves and thankful it's not their turn that day or they'll remember having kids that age and be thankful they've grown out of it. The tiny TINY minority who might judge are frankly, knobs and not worth your time

Good luck OP, time in the toddler trenches can seem very long but they do grow out of it eventually!

OP I suggested earlier but maybe you missed it, try a wrist strap instead of reins. Some kids hate reins but are happy with a wrist strap instead.

www.amazon.co.uk/Toddler-Wristband-360%C2%B0Rotate-Security-Elastic/dp/B07GLPD4V2?th=1

I second the wrist strap, my DS was always offered the choice of reins or wrist strap. He preferred the wrist strap, I think because I was on it too from his perspective!

'cafe and if they refused to hold my hand then I would just carry them home.'

This doesn't always work. I tried that with my child and he would yell "no pick up no pick up" and then proceeded to forcefully wriggle and writher trying to throw himself from my arms while tantruming shouting "help help!" making it an Olympic task to get him safely anywhere! You would literally think I was kidnapping him!
The only thing that worked for me was bribery when we had to cross dangerous roads (the type that have no crossings when they definitely should.) A lollypop/small treat at the otherside then he could walk again was the rule.
Pushchair was the same issue, he is so strong and i would wrestle him into it then he would pull at straps and move so much he was shaking the pushchair I'm sorry to say the bribery was all that worked. Even if he had been hard work the first time I followed through and gave him the treat, then I found it stopped, he learnt and then no treats needed after a couple of times.

My 3 year old is still in her baby pushchair, the big mamas and papas one, because I find it so much easier to push than a stroller. This means I can hold her hand while she walks and I can steer the buggy with one hand.

Otherwise what about a trike/bike with a parent handle - they might be easier to push one handed if he wants to walk? Or my friend used to pull her daughter on a scooter, she had a strap thing for it - again, you can carry the scooter with one hand when he wants to walk?

You certainly don’t have a parenting issue, a you issue or a child issue, it sounds like you have a pushchair issue! Stop beating yourself up because your 2 year old is normal, they’re not called the terrible twos for nothing!

As an aside, my middle child was the terriblest of twos - he wasn’t a runner but he was a sit and refuse to mover. I was heavily pregnant during this delightful phase - they’re shits OP, don’t be so hard on yourself x

Exactly this. You are in charge, not him, reins, holds hand or pushchair. No negotiation.

Hi has your child eventually learned ? C