Toddler won’t hold my hand or tolerate reins

[Creamypumpkinsoup]

I’m unsure if there’s a way of encouraging this. I’d prefer not to use the pushchair but he won’t always hold my hand (sometimes will but sometimes refuses) and will not tolerate reins, have tried the backpack ones but got nowhere. Any ideas?

I found that by consistently giving the choice of hold hand or pushchair and sticking with putting them in the pushchair when they didn't hold hands then they learnt I meant what I said and held hands.

I guess it's the cause and effect that encourages them to comply.

I pushed an empty pushchair to school and back twice a day for a whole year! She sat in it 3 times for not doing as was asked and each time she fell asleep and in hindsight was unwell. She was just 2 to aged 3 so hopefully yours is on the way to understanding.

I hope so. The problem is I can’t hold his hand and push the pushchair so it really is one or the other. It’s largely pointless going out to force him into a pushchair but I’m also not sure I can confidently carry him. Probably just best to knock trips out on the head for now.

Sounds like you need a lighter buggy.

What do you have?

I had an out n about and honestly it was the best pushchair ever. Even a double could be pushed one handed

It isn’t the weight of it. It’s more the steering.

Does sound like a pushchair issue.

Could you afford something 2nd hand? Or use a wrist strap and insist he hold the buggy?

A 2nd hand 3 wheeler, they are easy to push one handed.

At 22 months the child should not be making the decisions. Put him in reins. He will soon get used to it.

Put the reins on hiscoat back to front. Zip up his coat and clip the reins fastener straight after.

Not ideal back to front but they are on before he even realises

My daughter is similar so it’s buggy or we just don’t go anywhere basically are her options - today I stood in the nursery corridor for 15 mins waiting to leave as she wouldn’t go in the buggy 🙃 I’m trying to persevere with this but it’s frustrating - but she’s starting to realise she has to go in if we are going to go anywhere.

I don’t think it’s a pushchair issue, it’s more shit parenting but I’ve no idea what to do about any of it. He doesn’t listen to me, he wrenches free, I can’t walk along with him dangling from one arm, so I have to carry him where he kicks and hits me.

This thread is showing me very clearly that I am the issue. What it isn’t showing me is what to do about it.

Well, we won’t be going anywhere. It’s not really ideal though and I can’t see it improving his behaviour particularly.

It is not you.

Toddlers are arseholes. That’s why they make them cute at that age.

Absolutely no one, not ONE person has said you're a shit parent.

Everyone has just said about how firm they have to be with their own kids to get them to accept the reins. No one has a solution for ways to encourage handholding, because there is nothing to suggest. I have a terrible little rascal the same age ish as yours and she will not hold my hand consistently.

I just don't give her the choice. It's one chance to hold my hand, then it's the buggy, reins always on as a back up.

I get it's hard, I get so frustrated too.

Get a lightweight stroller, they're cheap and fold up for storage if the prams a struggle.

I hear you @Creamypumpkinsoup its hard - I stood there at the nursery today and everyone is looking at me while she’s standing there screaming

in the mornings I can’t not go anywhere so I have to wrestle her into the buggy against her will kicking and screaming to get to work and nursery on time !

the walk is busy roads and she pulls away and wants to be independent also won’t wear the backpack reins!

you are not a shit parent - it’s likely just a phase or you have. A very active child (like mine)

I used to tell my kids when they were toddlers that they were taking mummy for a walk when i put the reigns of them. As we walked I would thank them for helping mummy to walk. It worked most of the time. It was either reigns or pram though for safety reasons. They soon got used to it.

What are you on about. Toddlers are dickheads. All of them, it's just something you have to weather. It's nothing to do with shit parenting if they won't hold your hand. You can't negotiate yet.

It might be neither of those issues. My DS couldn't walk reliably holding my hand until he was 4/5, the second his hand touched mine he would twist, squirm, scream, hit the deck - you name it. And even now at 8 I can't let him walk unless I'm holding his hand. He's autistic. I wasn't a shit parent, and actually our pushchair was fab and kept him safe. So don't be ashamed, or upset. You're keeping your child safe.

I literally stood in the street for 18 minutes (I timed it) when my eldest had a massive lying down on the pavement strop as a toddler about refusing to hold my hand walking home from the corner shop. It was about a 3 minute walk from my house to the shop.

I just waited patiently. I was massively embarrassed but I stood my ground.

It worked!

I’ve actually cried today. I don’t feel ashamed of using the pushchair, it’s just if I’m doing something ds is supposed to enjoy he won’t if I use the pushchair so it’s pointless.

@Clymene but mine wouldn’t do that, mine would run off.

It’s perfectly normal. Really it is.

Don't give up. Short outings with a purpose - eg post a letter or get conkers from a nearby tree. No time pressure. Not when he's tired or hungry. Don't say it's a walk, it's a trip to look for snails, or stamp in puddles, or count red cars etc.

He walks, you take reins too. If he won't walk then next time he goes in the pram and you tell him it's because he wouldn't behave last time.

You're not shit, you're new to this. That's all. Having enough of a break from toddlers is important too. You cannot match them for energy, you need to rest!

This I did this with both of mine between 15 and 20 months. Whole morning to get to the shop 500m away. Worth it though.

Maybe try a buggy board attached to the pram?

Does he think it's funny if you chase him? If so, you need reins.

Honestly, kids are constantly angry with you for telling them no. I still hate upsetting my kids even now they're teenagers because I like a harmonious home and a slamming door teenager is no fun but unfortunately handing over phone before bed/needing to finish homework before playing a computer game or going out/taking a bath/doing chores are all non negotiable bits of life.

You have to develop a harder heart.