5 week old baby cries when put down

[Starpop]

Hi, I am struggling a bit, my baby is 5 weeks old, we had a stressful start with various things including the birth and a few issues afterwards.

He will only sleep on me, I can not put him down, I've tried a Moses basket, next to me crib, swing chair, and he cries in all of them. The longest he's slept in his Moses was for 15 minutes, I have tried settling him again and putting him back in but he cries, and after the 5th or 6th attempt I give up and put him in bed with me as I am so tired I cannot preserve all night long.

i have a sling so that enables me to do a little around the house but I can't shower and dress whilst wearing a sling so either his Dad can sometimes settle him for 5 mins while I get ready or if he's not around I'll have no choice but to leave him to cry in his Moses whilst I get sorted as quick as I can. I know he's safe but I hate leaving him to cry.

I don't know what to do, I really feel like I'm failing. I've tried warming the Moses with a hot water bottle, tried shushing and patting but he just gets more upset until I take him out.

Even with his Dad sometimes he can settle him other times he just gets more and more upset until he hands him back to me, so I'm really struggling to get any time to just do basic things never mind anything else.

I feel like his Dad thinks he's like this because I'm breastfeeding but I don't want to stop breastfeeding and his Dad doesn't want me to either. I need to start expressing so he can give him a bottle but at the moment I am either feeding him or holding him so the thought of also expressing as well makes me feel even more stressed! Like just another thing to fit in and keep me tied to the sofa!

sorry for the long post I needed to vent, I know it won't last forever but in the meantime anyone else been through /going through similar?

not my first child but big age gap so feels like it's all new to me again

Very normal. They just want to be on you, it's only for a short time. Get a ring sling and carry the baby with you wherever you go, you can feed in there, they can snooze in there.

This is completely normal. Don't be had on yourself, you are both learning

You are not failing I promise you. This is totally normal. It will get better. Bit by bit they will be able to spend more time not on you, the increase is just so bit by bit it’s hard to notice but it is happening.

most definitely normal! Maybe you can try swaddling him as that can help babies sleep better , it was a game changer for my baby

Absolutely normal. Draining, relentless but normal. They like to be held.

A bouncy chair in the bathroom worked well with dd2 as the sound of the shower soothed her. Dd1 I left in the moses basket while I speed-showered and then cried that I'd left her to cry for ten minutes! I barely slept with dd1 and in hindsight wish I'd have co-slept.

It really does improve though. The first few weeks can be so tough, it sound like you are lovely and caring

It’s not breastfeeing. My baby was like this whilst I breastfed (first 7 weeks) and continued to be the same when she moved onto formula. Her first nap not on me was at 16 weeks on holiday. I sat down on the sunbed and didn’t know what to do with myself 😅

my friends baby was the opposite (also breastfed), hated being in bed with them! We’ve raised our girls very similarly, babies are just different!

Thank you for your kind supportive replies, so I'm not doing anything wrong as such?

I think you're right it'll get less as he gets older. Obviously won't be like this forever.

to answer a couple of questions I have a sling which he loves and means I can leave the sofa occasionally, tried swaddling he hated it, likes to have his arms up and free, tried an expensive swaddle that lets them have arms up he hated that, trying sleeping bags with arms free seems to like that but longest he slept with one on in his Moses was 15 mins

glad to k ow it's not because of breastfeeding as I was feeling guilty and under pressure to stop

Yes absolutely normal but it doesn't last forever. DD is 16 weeks now and for the past four weeks or so has been content to lie on her play mat for longer and longer periods. She was a total Velcro baby up till then so was in the sling all day every day.

How did you shower, cook etc? Did you co-sleep?

Above post is a reply to @Hugasauras x

Yes my daughter was like this. I think she was about 9 weeks old before she’d go down for short periods. Bouncer in the bathroom while you have a shower might work if you time it right!

this is a very hard stage but it is normal and it does pass!

DD was like this. Had to wear her in a sling all day. She grew out of it.

I just showered when DH could hold her. I cooked with her in sling or DH cooked (or held her). We've coslept since birth, because I am lazy and feed lying down so I don't really have to wake up

Do you remember how old she was when she grew out of it?

That's very similar to what we are doing really, aw I don't think that's lazy at all

Thanks everyone I think it sounds like I might need to get a bouncy chair for the bathroom!

we have a swing chair downstairs but it's far too big and heavy to move around!

This could have been written by me when my DS was tiny!

If I could go back in time, I'd tell myself to just embrace it as much as possible. It'll pass. The housework/whatever can wait, it'll still be there in a few months. Just do the minimum to feel alive (get a shower, eat and drink enough etc) and wing the rest. Binge lots of tv. Watch some crap daytime tv. Try and get out if you can, but only if you want to.

You've got this, and you're doing fab ❤️

Thank you, i feel like you've given me permission to just enjoy it. Lately friends and family have been putting pressure on me a bit and I've felt like I'm not going good enough because I can't put him down at all. Logically I know it won't be forever but sometimes in the thick of it it feels like it will

@Starpop honestly, she was over a year old when she could sleep by herself, but we survived!

Totally normal. My Velcro baby is two tomorrow ❤️ and sleeps in his cot in his own room now. When they're ready, they'll do it.

Mine was 13 months when he slept properly on his own but please enjoy this early stage.

You're doing nothing wrong. Your baby is totally normal. Let yourself enjoy it and tell interfering people to leave you alone.

Fellow Velcro baby survivor here!

It doesn’t last forever, and I know you won’t believe me now, but you will miss it a bit one day..!

DS2 was only happy in a sling, even if it meant he always had food crumbs on his head from me eating over him
Even our meals were dictated by what I could cook while wearing a sling - we had some weird meals…

I did find that once he was asleep, I could prop him up on his front on my pregnancy pillow for a bit. Obviously I didn’t leave him unattended but it meant I could let DH sit with him while I had a shower, or put a big towel on the bathroom floor, and put him down there while I had a shower.
i found it easier than leaving him crying…

My first was exactly like this. We coslept, and I wore him in the sling a LOT. He always had crumbs in his hair.

I didn't do housework. DH cooked, or if he wasn't around I ate cereal or toast. I would just put him down safely in his cot and let him cry while I showered and dressed.

By 4 months he was out of my bed and settled in his Moses basket. No regrets.

Mum of two formula fed babies here and I could’ve wrote this. Definitely keep on breastfeeding if you want to ❤️
Mine were both exactly the same with not wanting to be put down & then I noticed a real change with them both around six/seven weeks but I felt like I spent so much time sat up with them both (grumpy that they wouldn’t just lay on their own 🤣)
If I needed to do something I would leave them
to cry if I knew they were fed, changed etc. This was even more so with my second baby & a demanding toddler making requests every 0.2 seconds.
As you’ve done it before you’ll know it doesn’t last forever even though the days/nights feel so long right now.

It’s tough but this is a completely normal baby OP. Our babies are designed to expect to be attached to us at all times, we’re a carrying species with very vulnerable, under developed babies. Think about primates you’ve seen at the zoo, baby is attached to mum all the time. Article linked below will explain some of that biology. Safely bedsharing really helps to get more sleep, wear a carrier/sling as you are. Shower when dad can hold baby. It won’t be like this forever, leaning into it and understanding where baby is coming from helps, you’re not doing anything wrong.

www.carolsmyth.co.uk/breastfeeding-resources/posts/2020/august/breastfeeding-normal-baby-behaviours-in-an-abnormal-society/