5 week old baby cries when put down

[Starpop]

Hi, I am struggling a bit, my baby is 5 weeks old, we had a stressful start with various things including the birth and a few issues afterwards.

He will only sleep on me, I can not put him down, I've tried a Moses basket, next to me crib, swing chair, and he cries in all of them. The longest he's slept in his Moses was for 15 minutes, I have tried settling him again and putting him back in but he cries, and after the 5th or 6th attempt I give up and put him in bed with me as I am so tired I cannot preserve all night long.

i have a sling so that enables me to do a little around the house but I can't shower and dress whilst wearing a sling so either his Dad can sometimes settle him for 5 mins while I get ready or if he's not around I'll have no choice but to leave him to cry in his Moses whilst I get sorted as quick as I can. I know he's safe but I hate leaving him to cry.

I don't know what to do, I really feel like I'm failing. I've tried warming the Moses with a hot water bottle, tried shushing and patting but he just gets more upset until I take him out.

Even with his Dad sometimes he can settle him other times he just gets more and more upset until he hands him back to me, so I'm really struggling to get any time to just do basic things never mind anything else.

I feel like his Dad thinks he's like this because I'm breastfeeding but I don't want to stop breastfeeding and his Dad doesn't want me to either. I need to start expressing so he can give him a bottle but at the moment I am either feeding him or holding him so the thought of also expressing as well makes me feel even more stressed! Like just another thing to fit in and keep me tied to the sofa!

sorry for the long post I needed to vent, I know it won't last forever but in the meantime anyone else been through /going through similar?

not my first child but big age gap so feels like it's all new to me again

The best advice to give.

To add we just exclusively bedshared from day 2, save yourself the stress of battling with cots and transfers when they just want to be close to you. Look up the Safe Sleep 7 and the Lullaby Trust have good guidance on safe bedsharing. It’s what nature intended. It won’t be forever, you’ll be amazed how quickly they change

My eldest is 5, and at some point he had he last nap on me and I didn’t realise. DS2 is 4 months old and I am enjoying the contact naps while I can. I find if he naps properly then he sleeps better at night so I’m not trying to put him down for naps yet. That will come.

It's called the 4th trimester, baby needs all the cuddles to feel safe and secure. Forget everything else and just hold him, he'll be a wriggly little rascal climbing up and down before you know it!

Thank you for the article

this part in particular really hit home

"How does this mismatch affect us as new parents?
It makes us anxious!
We can see that our babies are signalling that they want to be held.
We can see they settle when they are held.
We can see they want to sleep on us.
We can see they fall asleep at the breast or when being carried and rocked.
It feels instinctively good to hold and cuddle our babies..... but then there is that voice either coming through social media, or from family/friends/wider society telling us that we don't know enough and there is a right way to parent our babies.
We are holding our baby but we remember that the voice tells us that we shouldn't this - we should be putting our baby down.
It tells us that it doesn't matter that it feels right - and that means that we can't even trust our instincts.
Wow - that's scary.
It tells us that we shouldn't feed our baby to sleep, or rock them to sleep or to comfort them.
Babies are "just" looking for comfort, as if comfort is something negative rather than something that is necessary for optimal growth.
We are social animals.
We want to fit into our society."

this describes it perfectly how I've been feeling

I could have written this exact post a couple of weeks ago, really feel you! My 6 w/o has been like this on and off over first weeks, but it is now getting better... little one wouldnt go down anywhere but on me and I absolutely felt that I couldn't do anything and have been anxious/frustrated about not being able to shower and get out the house or even off the sofa! Hubby is at home so I've been completely reliant on him to hold/settle/cook so I can eat, shower, get ready to go out.. I just couldn't imagine how friends were doing anything with their partners back at work and the sleep deprivation was so tough! Hubby getting frustrated too and suggesting we stop bf but I kept telling myself and him that it's normal and will pass even if I didn't always believe it! Swaddling has helped for us and persisting with soothing to sleep on me then putting down in the next to me, mixing sling/contact naps with some in bassinet and next to me, one day he just went down for first ever morning nap in next to me and one night just slept for a 2-3hr stretch and it was like a revelation! He still has days when he wont go down or sleep longer than 30mins but it has definitely improved and I'm learning to do things with him in sling or bouncer. I think getting out in daytime helps a lot too if you can for you and the little one.. you're doing amazing and I'm right there with you!

It's so tough isn't it! I am managing to get out in the day a little it's just hard getting to the point where I can lol as I'm showered and dressed. Thank you for telling me it gets better, I know realistically he won't be like this forever but it's good to hear other people's experiences.

what do you swaddle with? The midwife said they didn't recommend swaddling and when I tried he hated it. Do you try and put him down for naps /sleep at night all the time? After the other night when we were awake past 4am me settling putting into the Moses, him sleeping for a few mins waking screaming me settling then repeating over and over until I finally gave in and out him in bed with us. I've not tried again since.

Yeah swaddle advice is really mixed! Midwife in hospital said not to but other health professionals have said it's fine at this age as long as safe sleeping advice followed - NCT and Lullaby have useful info on safe swaddling. We tried with a muslin but he would kick it off so not safe so we bought a strap on velcro swaddle which is great. The one we have is by a brand called Bedlooms just bought on ebay. We def had a few nights like you describe and ended up bedsharing/feeding lying down (with him in a sleeping bag not swaddled) when nothing else would work but I persevered trying to put him down with swaddle in the next to me and bassinet now and then in between the contact sleeps and he eventually just stayed there one day! It's still a bit hit and miss but we've definitely had a run of a few nights now with good sleep stretches in next to me for 1.5-2.5hrs! Sleep tends to be better overall when we manage a morning nap but that is definitely still a work in progress! 😊

This could have been me a year ago! I remember my 2nd night in hospital after my c section. He screamed, I picked him up and he calmed down but I was terrified of falling asleep and him falling off the bed onto the hard floor so I put him back in the plastic cot, he screamed again and repeat all night!

I was so confused, we had a moses basket, sleep pod thing, next to me cot, bouncer, swing - he hated them all! Just wanted to be cuddled. I saw pictures of my friends babies laying peacefully in their beautiful nurseries, them going on family days out. I hardly got dressed for weeks or left the house! On night 4 I put him in our bed and he's still there now (I like having him there!). As @BuffaloCauliflower (love that username by the way, there's a place near me that does the most amazing buffalo cauliflower and now I wish I had some..) said, its natural. All these baby restraints aren't. It's a lot harder than I expected it to be, but it does get easier! I had some fantastic support from my family which really helped. Sending solidarity and congratulations on your baby.

Ps. Lullaby Trust has all the info for safe cosleeping.

And yes should add that we definitely still do and love the contact naps in the sling and on me in evenings when relaxing and will do some bed sharing when we can do it safely (new firm mattress on order!) but also just needed to free up hands and some me time for my own sanity so whatever works for you is best for you and little one!

I'll have a look at those swaddle blankets thank you, worth a try!

I'll keep preserving with the Moses basket, even if he just slept in it a little would be helpful.

Thank you. It was exactly the same for me in the hospital after my c section yet other babies on the ward were sleeping in their plastic cots!

@Starpop same here! I remember thinking wtf, is mine broken?! I asked my friend, how do you get dressed? How do you clean your house? And how do you go anywhere if they hate the car? She told me she left hers to cry a lot, including sleep training at 8 weeks...

You're doing a fantastic job, don't worry!

Oh and we swaddled too, just stopped when he showed signs of rolling. Ended up buying 'Woombies' they were like magic. You can get them cheap off vinted. Zipping them up was like an 'off' switch!

@Starpop for what it’s worth my baby slept happily alone in the cot in hospital, it only changed when we got home. Being born is knackering for babies

@NiceParkingSpotRitaThanksJanet I left the housework, it can mostly wait. We ate easy food for weeks, Gousto boxes were helpful. DH did the laundry. I sat under my baby. It’s really fine to not get stuff done

Thank you all so much for your kind supportive replies it's really helped!

Hi OP,

I’m in a similar place with my 3.5 week old little girl. She likes to sleep on me and rarely settles elsewhere. I am bottle feeding as breast feeding didn’t work out for us unfortunately and I’m finding that hard as all of the advice about bed-sharing says not to if bottle feeding until 4 months old.
I love the contact naps but struggle with lack of sleep and mounting pressure from family and health professionals who are spouting the old “rod for my own back” line…

If you fancy a chat with someone in a similar situation - send me a pm. I think it’s good to connect with similar people/babies as I’ve started to compare my wee one with friends babies - never a good plan! X

I am so exhausted, I've been trying to get my baby in his Moses for hours. Tried swaddling and dummy the 5 s's) he fell asleep in my arms then as soon as I put him down he's awake and we have to go through it all again. It gets to the point it's taking that long he ends up needing a feed, so I have to unswqddle him feed him nappy change swaddle and repeat. I have been co sleeping but I'm so anxious about Sid's I barely sleep.

I can't keep this up every night

Hang in there mama, you're doing amazing! It's so tough. Everyone reminds me every day though that it won't last forever and they will learn to sleep on their own when they are ready. Every day is different with us. Since I last posted little one is back bedsharing with me and we're feeding lying down. We're following safe sleep 7 (check out lullaby trust/nct/la leche league websites) and definitely getting more sleep. Naps are mostly on one of us or in the sling/carrier. I've just accepted he's a koala baby for now and will learn to sleep on his own when he's ready! Really hope you find something that works for you..

Definitely normal! Sometimes if my baby won't settle, I'll just take him in the shower with me - obviously, the water is against my back so it's not too strong for him though. But at least that way I can shower. I read somewhere that babies don't even realise they are separate to you until 6 or 7 months. I'm not pro co-sleeping, but sometimes it's for the best and you need to make sure you get some rest as well. It'll get better!

How do you shower while holding your baby? Mine loves getting in the bath with me but I can't wash whilst he's in with me have to have a really quick wash then my partner hands him to me.

@Starpop I’ll run the water pretty hot so the room gets warm then turn it to a baby suitable temperature. I just hold him either upright or laying in my arms with the water on my back and just turn slightly so I can use one hand to get the water on him etc and wash myself but the water isn’t hitting his skin directly. Our water pressure isn’t super strong so it would probably be okay, but just in case I avoid it! I don’t wash my hair when he’s with me though. He never gets cold and it’s skin on skin time :) If I want to wash my hair I’ll do the same thing to get the room warm and lay him down on the pillow nest thing that we have so I can watch him from the shower, as long as the room is warm he usually chills long enough or falls asleep.

Have you tried a Ewan the dream sheep? Absolute life saver in my household !

It's totally normal, stop trying to fight it and just accept it and you'll feel better

Thank you I'll try that!!