Can he take me to court for this?

[CZP22]

I co parent with my daughters dad and everything has been fine. No rows, drama etc and we co parent well.
I have decided to move back to my home town and spoke to him regarding either sharing travel or meeting half way at weekends to maintain them having contact. He's had her overnight every weekend since birth.
This was his response
"When jake was little his mum took him away and I've missed out on so much, taking him to school etc. And for 8 years she has refused to do any of the travelling even though it's the moving parent that has to maintain contact, because she knows I weren't able to afford to take her to court. So I had no choice if I wanted to see him, I have to do 4hr round trip on a Fri and a Sunday costing me over £120 just to see him.
So if you think I'm gonna do the same with Zoe, after me telling you I'm i was in no position to have another child and couldn't afford another child when you got pregnant and you basically told me I had no choice, then you're mistaken. If you want to take her away then it's you who has to maintain contact. And a court will agree with me and luckily I'll be able to afford it this time."

Can he take me to court for this? How do I approach this amicably?
It's annoying he uses the premise that I got pregnant on purpose but I understand he feels upset

You've been with the new guy 4 months 🙄

OP, genuine question - If you truly believe what you are doing is clearly the best thing, why did you try and manipulate the outcome of this thread by pretending at first you were moving to be with family? Your previous posts on mumsnet where you talk about the move there's no mention of family at all, just 'i want to live with my partner.' is it maybe because deep down you know this is really selfish on your part and you don't want to be judged for it?

As for those saying it's important baby is near her family and it's not that far from dad. Surely that works the other way? Baby is currently near her dad and all of his family and OPs family are the exact distance away that she is proposing to move. So if it's not a big deal and not even that far, why the move?

Not to mention delibrately ignoring multiple posters asking the childs age, until much later in the thread, and when it became clear she was moving to be with her partner ommiting the fact that they have only been in a relationship for 4 months.

I'd love to be a fly on the wall for this court hearing!!

Yes he can take you to court, and the court has the power to order you to return the child to the area if you unilaterally move without her father’s consent, at least for the duration of proceedings. So the move is indeed up for debate.

I work in the family courts, they may indeed grant you permission to move with your daughter, but they will look at what is in her best interests and if your only real reason for the move is new boyfriend, there’s a real chance they will not allow it.

You have ignored everyone saying this, but I’ve seen it happen more than once.

Agree with all of this. And turning up at court, claiming it’s because you have nothing locally and want to be nearer friends and family, when really it’s to move in with a new partner, will be exposed in about five minutes, same as it has been here.

Also, does your 10yo want to move 90 minutes away to new friends and a new school and live with your latest bf of 4 months?

The saddest thing for me is you see on here all the feckless fathers who don't want involvement in their children.

Yes this is a father who does want to be involved and the op is wanting to make that difficult.

You owe it to your daughter to facilitate a proper relationship here.

If it's 'only' 1hr40 away, would you be happy just having her every other weekend and him be resident parent? I bet not.

My concern in this situation is if OP goes ahead with here move regardless and then the courts get involved and say no, given the terrible rental market at the moment, would she even be able to find a home to move back into. She could find herself in a right mess if she is too hasty in this decision/ move.

Indeed, she could be in a very sticky situation.

Sensible course of action would be mediation in first instance. This would look at all options on the table and OP should keep an open mind and centre the children, not her.

If that fails, an agreement to apply to the court for determination of (a) where the child should live and (b) if move is granted, who does the travelling. OP can apply for a specific issues order or her daughters father could apply for a prohibited steps order, but it needs to get in front of a judge before any move is made (courts won’t be impressed with unilateral moves without consent).

Its likely that the court will ask both parents to prepare evidential statements supporting their positions, so OP would need to evidence her reasons for wanting to move and precisely how she intends to support her daughter’s ongoing relationship with her father at this stage. It is also likely that the court will ask Cafcass to report on the best interests of the children. The judge would then make a decision. It may well be in OP’s favour but it’s not a given and it’s not fair for people on this thread to pretend otherwise.

But OP needs to do this properly or it could well bite her on the arse.

Have you acknowledged that you will be making his life more difficult? Even if you agree to share the weekly pick-ups, if he wants to go to parents evening, school plays, school pick-ups or anything else then the driving is all on him. Adding a 3 hour drive onto a busy working day, which already sounds like it includes a lot of driving, is not a small ask.

And those saying “if he loves his daughter he’ll do it”, yes I’m sure he will. But equally if he loves his daughter, he’ll go to court to try and stop her living 1.5 hours a way. If I was in his position, I’d be trying to stop the move or be asking for you to do all the drop-offs/pick-ups given you’re the one initiating the move.

If this approach was taken, OP DD would be older and therefore her Dad would have the opportunity to demonstrate if he wants to work towards 50/50 (as is his right) or if he intends to simply have her once a week and pay maintainence. If he doesn't step up it will boslter OP case, if he does then all the more reason for OP to stay near her DDs father.

Also in this situation, it would give OP boyfriend time to move from being a new fling to an established partnership, which would make OP appear massively less unreasonable and self centred than she currently does.

Why do you not spend a single weekend with your eight month old baby? That’s bizarre to me and not normal for a baby at that age.

This will also not help OP’s case when she goes to court; he’s currently heavily involved with DC

You haven't answered how logistically he is meant to pick up two children and if you are moving in the same direction as his son or opposite.
You've also not answered the genuine questions about a baby spending 4 hours over two days every weekend.

It's so bizarre that you think anybody who reads your posts will have to agree with you. We've all read your posts and nearly all of us can see you're not doing what right for your children. Stop telling yourself we just don't understand and do some hard thinking.

@lickenchugget heavily involved ?? 🤪🤣 are you on crack. One night a week.... give me a break.

As for the hyperbole pp "why isn't she spending a single weekend with her baby"
She is facilitating contact. One overnight a week. NOT a full weekend.
Baby is with her 6 nights out of 7
Baby is with her 6 days out of 7

He doesn't want more.

His arrangements with his previous ex are NOTHING to do with her & of no concern to her. That's for him & his ex to figure.

He will
Look ridiculous telling a court that he's prepared to travel for one child EVERY week & not prepared to do it half and half for other child.

It may not be that he’s not willing to travel for DD, but that it’s simply not possible. There’s nothing he can do about the distance for DS but he naturally doesn’t want to add on another 3 hour journey on the same day to pick up/drop off DD. Unless you will be moving en route to his DS.

If I were you, I’d try to avoid this going to court as you risk being ordered to stay in the area.

I wonder if you were marrying your new partner, though, that the courts would be unlikely to prevent you from moving. Not a reason to get married of course!

Discuss all the options with your ex, perhaps through mediation. What is the maximum your ex is able to travel? Can you then make up the rest? Will he do longer but less frequent visits (e.g Friday evening to Sunday evening every fortnight) with longer holidays added to the mix? 8 months old is young to be away from mum for very long though, so you will need to work towards it.

I also do question whether DD will happily tolerate 2 long journeys every weekend as she gets older - and she will have her own friends she wants to see at weekends - which makes fewer, longer visits more sensible.

I wasn’t implying the father was heavily involved. I’m not so sure he is…….

I was questioning the basis for this arrangement with such a young baby.

I disagree obviously 😆 it isn’t hyperbole to ask that specific question. I am also confused what to find hyperbolic about that very pointed matter of fact question and respectfully suggest you’ve
misused the word in this context.

if this had gone to court a judge would have been more likely to have ordered frequent non overnight contact due to the fact that the child is a baby. Normally these baby overnight stays happen outside of court ordered arrangements for a variety of reasons not all altruistic either unless the order is drawn up by consent.

Furthermore the fact his contact time is already impacted with one child by having to all that driving is another cogent reasons to not impose any more on him some may say. Down to the mood of the judge in the day perhaps …..

in situations like this you must remember that the courts follow a strict process and unless abuse or other safeguarding issues are raised I suspect the father will stand a good chance of a PSO especially given the citric stances of the new relationship and the fact. Ultimately I think if she moves the court will order her to do half or all the travelling that would be my hunch.

The fact he didn’t want the baby it was a fling can al be downplayed by a crafty solicitor who will just rinse and repeat relevant sections of the children’s act and paint the mother to be putting her new
romance before the baby. Not necessarily that I agree but what is likely to happen.

The arrangements with the previous ex are entirely relevant. And the court would look at that as well.

How on earth can you think they aren't?

How do you know it's one night? OP said he's had her ever weekend since birth. He sounds like a good dad to me and that's based on what's been said here by the OP herself. No need to bash him based on absolutely nothing.

@justusandmoo

because the Op told us that he gets the baby Saturday night until Sunday afternoon.

Also he doesn't want 50/50

Also his rage text was all
About his ex and his son & himself NOTHING about the baby or travelling.

Most mums myself included wouldn't have allowed him overnight access as a young baby but op is being cognizant of his wishes, his working hours & facilitating contact.

A court is extremely unlikely to require a mother to remain isolated from her family and friends & partner full time to facilitate baby's father when she has offered:

50/50 transfers
Reduction in maintenance as financial compromise
Ongoing commitment to contact
Only wishes to move 1.5 hours away to her home town.

Because his ex made him drive a lot.... 🤪

Most mums myself included wouldn't have allowed him overnight access as a young baby but op is being cognizant of his wishes, his working hours & facilitating contact.

...and moving his eight-month-old in with some bloke she's been shagging for five minutes. I'd do all I could to stop that in his position and I hope the courts agree.

He is already travelling for one child, you're just adding more stress on him

🙄🤣

Or another way of putting it, she has had a 14 year courtship with a great friend of the family and has eventually after much consideration & friendship building progressed to an intimate and loving relationship.

Fixed it for you. 👍🏻