Can he take me to court for this?

[CZP22]

I co parent with my daughters dad and everything has been fine. No rows, drama etc and we co parent well.
I have decided to move back to my home town and spoke to him regarding either sharing travel or meeting half way at weekends to maintain them having contact. He's had her overnight every weekend since birth.
This was his response
"When jake was little his mum took him away and I've missed out on so much, taking him to school etc. And for 8 years she has refused to do any of the travelling even though it's the moving parent that has to maintain contact, because she knows I weren't able to afford to take her to court. So I had no choice if I wanted to see him, I have to do 4hr round trip on a Fri and a Sunday costing me over £120 just to see him.
So if you think I'm gonna do the same with Zoe, after me telling you I'm i was in no position to have another child and couldn't afford another child when you got pregnant and you basically told me I had no choice, then you're mistaken. If you want to take her away then it's you who has to maintain contact. And a court will agree with me and luckily I'll be able to afford it this time."

Can he take me to court for this? How do I approach this amicably?
It's annoying he uses the premise that I got pregnant on purpose but I understand he feels upset

@Autumndays123 please read my posts properly.

I have. Which part have I misunderstood?

It might be commutable for an adult, but a baby?

if it’s “not that far” and no further than your ex already drives for work, it might be easier if your new partner made the move and commuted to his work. It would save a potential adversarial battle in court which might end up with you not being able to move anyway, but most importantly it would allow your daughter to grow up close to her dad.

Yes he is able to take you to court on this (and likely get the outcome he wants). Apart from the ex issue, it's unfair to make DD do that journey every weekend. A solution would be for you to travel to see friends & family when DD is with her dad.

Nope, just honest. This bring mumsnet doesn't mean mums are always right and the dad's have no right and are entitled to scraps.

When two parents bring a child into the world they have equal status. The only thing worse than a mother who thinks she has total ownership of a child and can dictate the father-child relationship is an absentee father.

The facts of the matter are that the mother in this scenario has a daughter with a man who is a good dad - she says this. They coparent well and the dad's family are very supportive. OP has a new relationship of 4 months, which lets not sugar coat things, is little more than a fling at present.

On the back of her four month relationship, she wants to take her older child out of his school, move him away from his friends, move her daughter away from her dad and his family and give up their family home to shack up with new boyfriend.

OP doesn't drive but has said she will graciously be "willing" (quote) to share the travel time with the daughters dad. She believes this is generous.

She has not responded to anyone who has asked about the impact of all that travelling on the baby. Not has she responded to any comments about how difficult it will be for the child once they are in school. instead, she has responded with 'well I've already made up my mind'. Would you say they show a responsible parent who put the stability and welfare of her children before her own? Genuinely, you believe that?

It doesn't really matter what you think does it. What matters is what the courts will think and I'm telling you now if OP goes in with the attitude she has here it will not go well for her.

Being a good parent is about making sure your child comes first. That is clearly not the case here.

Also, please educate yourself before commenting. 5 minutes on Google will tell you the courts can and often do block moves of parents. I've no idea where you get it from that they won't be interested

I didn't say courts won't be interested. I said social services won't be interested. Someone flung that at Op. 🙄

As for courts THEY will expect mediation first & a willingness on both sides to compromise. OP has shown that she's willing to do that.

I see no offer of similiar from bully boy rage text dad.

The courts could either:

a) agree travel should be shared
b) block her from moving
c) insist she does all travelling for contact
d) insist he does all travelling for contact

Courts generally favour compromise to facilitate co-parenting.
She's not wanting to emigrate or move more than a couple of hours away & it's to move to where she comes from & has support. Highly sensible, given that he is a one day a week (by his choice) father.

It is extremely extremely unlikely courts will rule against her & it will take ages & once her son is settled in new school & daughter settled & she has shown willing and is meeting half way it will be even less likely.

I'm sorry that I know just a bit more about this than you can glean from google.

OP go! Build your life &'meet your dd biological father half way in all things as best you can. Stay open to mediation & stay calm. Don't be bullied.

That's all you require to do.
Good luck! Have a lovely life. X

@ChiefWiggumsBoy

The OP needs to keep the text where he whines about the OP making the decision to have the baby because it shows that he is vindictive and irrational.

If he had whined at the time the OP was pregnant but had the sense to stick to the matter at hand in his text (the driving distance) then he wouldn't be coming across as such an angry and entitled man. But he couldn't rein himself in, because an angry and entitled man in full sail is rarely a man who can be descried as self aware.

@Autumndays123 without blowing my own trumpet, there's not one ounce of bad attitude I have towards this and no bad attitude towards daughters dad.
As I've said, when we found out I was pregnant neither of us were planning or expecting it. But she's here now, and she's loved unconditionally by both of us.
My partner has been my rock for years, and I 100% would not go if there were even a shadow of a doubt about him. He's known both of my children since birth,. He was there through absolutely everything, has been nothing but supportive and loving, has created strong bonds with both children and they both love and adore him. My son especially. And for anyone else worried, yes he may be in the raf but his moving days are behind him. He's gotten to the rank where he can choose to stay around the area, and even if he is away he's not selling the house, the kids will have a stable home. My friends and family are all there. So yes I'm moving that's not up for debate, I simply wanted to know about the courts.
If daughters dad takes me to court that's absolutely fine if that's what he wants. I'm in no way going to make it difficult for him and can facilitate sharing travel etc.
his sons mum moved to be near her family, and I make NO apology for doing the same. My kids are loved and cared for and I'll continue to ensure that's the case.

THankyou. ❤️

I can completely understand you wanting to move to be with your partner and closer to family/friends, and you shouldn’t have to put your life on hold. But I can also sympathise how difficult this makes things for your ex.

You may end up having to accommodate most (though not reasonably all) of the travelling here.

He already spends hours travelling at the weekends to see his son - so it just doesn’t seem feasible for him to also do the same to see his daughter.

How long is his journey to collect her at the moment?

I completely agree, I understand why he's upset completely. Atm he lives 10 mins away and sees her Saturday evening till Sunday afternoon.
As much as I don't have a bad word to say against him, I don't want to put my life on hold again. If he can do it for one child he can for the other.
A lot of people are blaming me solely for this but no one's taking into account he is willing to travel for one child but not our daughter. I'm offering shared, more then his ex gave him.

I don't want to put my life on hold again. If he can do it for one child he can for the other.

But realistically can he? You haven't said if your potential move is in the same direction as he travels to his son. If you're moving 1 hr 30 mins in the other direction, it might not actually be possible for him do both.

Two wrong don’t make a right; the fact his ex did it doesn’t mean your right to.

do you really think it’s in your daughters best interest to be so far away from a loving father? Is it in her best interest to spend over three hours a weekend travelling to see him? Not just now but when she is older and at school.

As much as I don't have a bad word to say against him, I don't want to put my life on hold again. If he can do it for one child he can for the other.

A lot of people are blaming me solely for this but no one's taking into account he is willing to travel for one child but not our daughter. I'm offering shared, more then his ex gave him.

This is really disingenuous. As his text clearly shows, he was forced into that position by his ex. He didn't want all the travelling and is clearly missing out because of it. He couldn't afford to fight it in court.

And as pp said, can he actually do it for both children, is it physically possible? Are you moving to the same area as the other child or a different area? How would that even work?

He could also argue that you stayed where you are because of your first child, so if you can do it for them, why not for your current child too?

You aren't thinking about what's in the best interests of the child here. Only you. And of course people are blaming you for this. You are the one wanting to move away!

You can all have your opinions but the move isn't up for debate.
I now know that yes he can take me to court which was my question. Thanks everyone.

The move isn't up for debate?

So it doesn't matter if it's not in either of your children's best interest, with regards to maintaining family relationships, travel time, school, friendships etc, just so long as you can move in with the new boyfriend?

@Whinge no it's not. I'm moving.
Believe it or not I'm a Dam good mother and my children are always taken care of and thought of. It's less than 2 hours away. It will be fine.

You might not be allowed to move op. Courts can stop you.

Would you be happy to be non-resident parent and seeing the child only for the weekend?

You still aren't answering how it physically will work with him doing weekend travelling for his other child.

You also aren't answering the questions about the impact of all this on your child.

You are going to have to address these issues for the courts you know.

If the court said you had to do all the traveling, would you still move?

Best thing you can do is to sit with your ex and talk him through an exact plan of how you plan to ensure that his contact is maintained. He is probably (understandably) in panic mode at the thought of his daughter moving so far away and at such a young age too. I think anyone in his shoes would feel the same. It sounds like you could avoid court if you have a good relationship with him and you can both talk it out. I do understand that you want your own happiness too though.

It does seem quick though OP. Your daughter is 8 months old and you have gotten together with the new guy since then. It's a v v short period of time to decide to uproot everything and move in with him. Couldn't you just give it another 6 months or a year to ensure you are doing the right thing? What about financial security? I realise you have known him a long time but you haven't been with him a long time at all.

Anyway I wish you well in whatever you decide to do x

Just want to add though OP that no matter how much you say it won't impact on their relationship it most definitely will. He's right in what he says about school pick ups etc. it's the little things that he'll never be able to do. You might not be able to see it now but you will as she gets bigger.

I live around the corner from my daughters dad and we have a great relationship as do they. Sometimes he'll come get her during my contact week and take her to Costa or to the cinema. He'll collect her from school and is always there for parents evening etc. The bond they have is very strong and it's so much better for her. Surely that's the important thing? Moving her away that far will have a massive impact and it seems a shame when you have a great dad there wanting to be involved.