Can he take me to court for this?

[CZP22]

I co parent with my daughters dad and everything has been fine. No rows, drama etc and we co parent well.
I have decided to move back to my home town and spoke to him regarding either sharing travel or meeting half way at weekends to maintain them having contact. He's had her overnight every weekend since birth.
This was his response
"When jake was little his mum took him away and I've missed out on so much, taking him to school etc. And for 8 years she has refused to do any of the travelling even though it's the moving parent that has to maintain contact, because she knows I weren't able to afford to take her to court. So I had no choice if I wanted to see him, I have to do 4hr round trip on a Fri and a Sunday costing me over £120 just to see him.
So if you think I'm gonna do the same with Zoe, after me telling you I'm i was in no position to have another child and couldn't afford another child when you got pregnant and you basically told me I had no choice, then you're mistaken. If you want to take her away then it's you who has to maintain contact. And a court will agree with me and luckily I'll be able to afford it this time."

Can he take me to court for this? How do I approach this amicably?
It's annoying he uses the premise that I got pregnant on purpose but I understand he feels upset

I relocated that far with the courts permission and all travel was half way so it is doable.

I'll be moving closer to my partner

How did I guess this would be the case, honestly I feel terrible for this man, I think you should leave her in his care and then you travel every second weekend to see her

Absolutely not.

I'm not an unfit or terrible mother. I'm in now way wanting to take her away from him as is the assumption in this thread by people who haven't read what I've said.
I make no apologies and won't feel bad for moving in with my partner who yes lives close to my support network and is part of support network.
For anyone else with an assumption, I feel I have to clarify that yes protection was used, no I didn't want an abortion, no I didn't plan her, no my partner isn't just some new bloke I've met, and no, I do not and have Not said anywhere in this post that I expect him to do all the travel. I have offered shared, or for him to meet half way, even for him to take the fuel expenses out of her maintenance money.
I'm astounded at the amount of abuse I have e received for this.

I don't think it's abuse. I think it's concern for the best interests of your DD.

I chose not to do this as it would ultimately be my children travelling miles in motorways each week, with tired and stressed parents driving them. It’s not easy but I think it can be very unfair when one parent moves away meaning long drives for contact. It can mean less contact which means your child suffers ultimately. I’d reconsider personally, but if you do go I think you need to make learning to drive a priority. You are offering shared transport but you can’t drive and if you split with your current partner who does it then?

It's because you're not seeing the bigger picture. You're only thinking of right now. But what about in a few years when she's old enough to see him during the week. When she goes to school. When there are sports days, or plays, or carol services, or award ceremonies. Things that would only take a few hours now will become much more difficult when she's nearly 2 hours away. Taking her a distance away will affect their relationship, and it will affect her relationship with his whole side of the family. Her family.

Get off your high horse you pathetic person

You still have the option to delete, block or ignore OP. Nobody is making you read these comments

But ultimately if you go with her that's her relationship with her dad finished. No matter what the arrangements or how much effort you both put in, she is so young they will drift apart. And maybe it will be his fault but it will be damaging for her, in every possible way. Girls need their dads, yes they need their mums to be happy too, I actually understand your motivation I've struggled with similar myself. But having an involved and living g dad has a massively effect on a girls life and a step father won't come near to making up for the loss of hers

Irrespective of which parent does the drop off the child will still be the one spending over 3 hours a weekend travelling to be able to have a relationship with both parents. I think that can often be forgotten in the he said/she said arguments.

Also I’d time there journey on the day it will be done. For example 1hr40 - is that Friday evening traffic? Could be well over 2hrs for your child every week, just to get there.

My ExH and I have a Child Arrangements Order for our shared DD, we've had it since she was a toddler (so around 5/6 years now).

My DD has a medical issue which means being in the car for more than 90 minutes regularly will cause major issues so I am forced to live near to her dad. She struggles enough when we go on holidays and have to drive to airports or are in the car for longer, so I doubt she'd manage more often travelling that distance - and if we go over the 90 minutes due to traffic/accidents/delays she really really gets a lot of pain and has to rest for longer, we end up having to stop for 45-60 minutes at a time with her.

She wasn't diagnosed until a few years after the order was made, so it wasn't a planned for situation at all or even known about. Her dad thankfully lives walking distance from us, which is also great because now she's Key Stage 2 (Years 3-6 at school) she's had 3 weekends in a row with birthday parties, 1 weekend she had one both Saturday and Sunday, her dad just takes her on his weekends instead of me but if he lived a distance away she'd either have to miss the parties or miss her contact - neither of which I think is good for her.

I'm not saying don't move, I get why you want to, but it's a situation to think about what happens if you or her get a diagnosis which would make contact from that far away hard? What happens about friends parties? What about if like my DD she starts an activity like Brownies or Scouts where they sometimes have weekend events? Our Brownies unit says you have to do so many events in a year to keep the place, if she's with her dad every weekend she'd never be able to do them.

He can't simultaneously argue that he didn't want another baby and whine about missing the baby

Err....yes he can? The child is here now, things change! OP had already posted that she didn't want to be pregnant either, but I bet you don't apply the same thinking to her!

My (now) husband's ex moved nearly 150 miles away when DSS was little. It was awful. He was working as as a security guard doing nights so he could have the boy at the weekends, but she just got up and moved with her new boyfriend. Husband also doesn't drive*, so it was really really difficult to sort contact. Luckily, she moved back, but she still moved about an hour's drive away - and then contact fell to me and her to sort as public transport wasn't an option. I can tell you, while I did it with little complaint, it wears VERY thin to have to sacrifice 2 hours of your Friday or Sunday evening to facilitate contact. So while this is a very personal take from me, my opinion is that until either you learn to drive or your daughter is of an age she can get public transport on her own (I don't think you've mentioned how old she is - apols if I've missed it) then you shouldn't move.

*Medical.

Also I agree with the poster who says you should do the travel to boyfriend for 6 months every weekend and see how it works for you. Because you're making a HUGE assumption that you'll either be able to use public transport or he will do it for you. What happens when he doesn't want to? And the bus takes much longer than the hour and 40 you've estimated here?

I agree that you're not looking at the wider picture here. I also think that it's pretty unfair to say nasty things about this baby's father, when by all accounts his big crime was saying he didn't want a child. Which OP also said.

If your new partner (and let's be real, he's a boyfriend and you're still in the honeymoon period at the moment) is high enough in his career to not have to move from station to station, and owns his property, would he consider a move partway closer to you? And you move partway closer to him? So you're still fairly easily reachable by baby's dad and you can get to boyf easily too. Sure you won't be as close to your family, but you'll be closer, and it seems like a reasonable compromise.

If you can't get agreement with your ex then you will need to start formal proceedings. First step would be mediation. I suggest you look into this.

If mediation fails then your ex could ask a court for a prohibited steps orders to prevent you from moving. Alternatively you can go to court and ask for a Specifics Issues order to ask a judge to agree to the move (or a contact order to formalise arrangements and include travel).

As your ex has PR you should get his support to move before moving.

Judges usually allow a move but they ask Cafcass to investigate the circumstances around your move. SS will want to see you have a solid plan behind a move...a new boyfriend (even if you have known him as a friend) isn't that stable. You will be dependent on him, for housing and driving..what about your job?

Your ex could rationally argue you are acting recklessly which will impact his baby daughter. It would be best if you could show you are able to move and be independent rather than rely on a new boyfriend for everything.

What would happen to your older child, assume they will need to move schools/change friends etc.

If it goes to court it's highly likely the amicable relationship with your ex will end. It is also likely to cost each of you approx £10k so avoid court if you can.

8 months?! That would have been useful info a lot earlier on. So you’ve been seeing your new boyfriend less than that. And you’re uprooting two children to play happy families with someone you were so close to you slept with your DD’s dad less than 2 years ago.

You’re adamant you’re going so I hope it works out, for your children’s sake. Taking your children to live in a new boyfriend’s house leaves all 3 of you incredibly vulnerable. I do hope he’s worth it.

Well I've just read OPs other threads. Her new relationship has the grand duration of 4 months in length. Yes, that's right, she's been with her partner since the beginning of summer and is now moving her two children away from their lives (and eldest school) to be with a boyfriend of 4 months. Just awful.

The other threads also say the dad already does a 4 hours round trip to collect his son every weekend, so yes I can see why he might be a bit annoyed that he will have to do this AND a trip to see his daughter. When will he actually spend quality time with his kids?

OP, genuinely, if you have no interest in the any of the points raised on this thread and insist on putting your needs and your new boyfriend above that of your children, have you actually considered allowing dad full custody? I mean that as gently as possible. You're not offering your children stability right now and there is every chance this relationship could fail (I have sauces in my fridge that have been there longer than your relationship).

Appreciate the in put by my question wasn't wether or not to move, it was solely wether the courts will get involved.

I'm done explaining myself to people now, I absolutely do have my childrens best interests at heart.. which is why a move away will be the best thing for my son and for me, and why I'm willing to share the travel with daughters dad.

And the answer to your question is the courts will take an extremely dim view of a mother who uprooted her children's lives, have up their house and stability and moved 100 miles for a relationship of 4 months. As they should.

Good luck.

Also 'willing' to share travel? Good grief what a generous person you are

It's more than most people would do including his sons mum.

You can all carry in throwing abuse, my question has been answered.

You think you can take your daughter, move 100 miles to be with a new fling and her dad should be grateful you're willing to share travel 😂. Keep that attitude up when you're in court, they will see right through you

@Autumndays123
Jesus crhrist. It's not 100s of miles away!!!!
It's an hour and 20-40 minutes. He drives me than that to work and back every day.
My partner is not a "fling" either.

You've been together 4 months. 4 months! Are you not able to see how short term that is?

If it's not that far then you should be fine leaving your daughter with her dad and you have access every weekend. You are after all both her parents, are you not? Equal rights and all?

By the way, if your new fling is driving you more than 1 hour 40 to work and back each day and will drive you to drop your daughter off and back each weekend, when does he have time to be this high ranking RAF person? Seems odd