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Was the HV right? Am I feeding my kids poorly?

675 replies

Myohmymy · 10/10/2022 18:08

12 month development review, hv comes to house, due to lack of clinic apps. Dc2 (11 months) is doing great weight (50th centile since birth)and milestone wise. Dc1 3.5 is at home.

HV asks about food if they have a varied diet asks what they eat, I say give some for instances, We have a family notice board that we print off our menus for the week (lunch and dinners, helps save costs) so I show her almost in a bit of a jokey way,… she tuts and asks like if it’s like this every week, I say well we have different meals but I guess, tells me it’s not good enough and that’s why my first is small. I was floored, I thought she was joking at first. She was actually born on the 2nd centile and is now 25th.

ill put the exact menu we had that week down below, but I genuinely thought this was fine, actually better than fine, I thought they were eating rather well and I was quite proud of that (maybe silly I know but due to work (I’m part time wfh and dh has a lieu day so we’re getting away with only 2 days nursery )and childcare food prep is a conscious effort and I’m normally up the night before getting everything sorted).

hv said some of it is too junky even if it’s home made and they need to be having proper meals not ‘fakeaways’ and they need a proper cooked meal at lunch too (roast, shepherd pie etc) I did say but this is similar to what school dinners are like and that’s seen to be ok, and she said but they’re not at school they’re at home with you, and suggested I get a cook book.

im leaning towards making a complaint because I can’t afford to do two full cooked meals a day, both time wise and money, but I just want to check I’m not in the wrong here. The menu is in no particular order. She left and I honestly felt so shaken, especially being blamed for my child being small when she wasn’t even there to see her, i feel quite gas lit.

please be gentle, if the food isn’t good enough what should I be doing? We don’t eat pork for religious reasons.

breakfast: usually the same sort of thing everyday, either eggy bread/ french toast with yoghurt and fruit or porridge with fruit. Made with whole milk.

lunch: tuna sweetcorn pasta salad (I make a yoghurt dressing for this as we don’t like mayo), cheesy veggie lentil muffins, JP and beans and cheese, egg florentine pizzas, chicken (from schwarma) and avocado pin wheels (served these with some Pom bears for eldest and baby melt crisps for baby)

dinner: beef tacos (left over meat from the Sunday dinner) chicken schwarma, rice and aubergine, home made fish and chips and mushy peas, ‘crispy’ duck noodles and salad (just duck breast marinaded In that hoisin sauce and 5 spice ), tarka daal and rice, Moroccan lamb and couscous, roast chicken and trimmings.

fruit and yoghurt are offered as puddings and all meals are served with veg. Menu is random in order because it depends on you know if we forget to take something out of the freezer.
.
my eldest has 2 snacks in between meals, rich teas, buttered malt loaf, i made these muffins she quite likes (lower sugar than your normal muffin) cheese and crackers, fruit and nuts, veg sticks and hummus, bread sticks and tzatziki (shop bought) that sort of thing. She has a glass of milk before bed too.

my confidence has been really shaken.

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
retirementrocks · 11/10/2022 22:36

I would contact her line manager. Preferably via email so it is a written record. It's really not OK for her to be criticising you for what is a very healthy and well- planned diet and I wonder where she gets the idea that it isn't? If she has damaged your confidence, how would a less experienced and less supported mum feel? Bullys do this sort of thing. They get off on what they think is a position of authority.

Strangeways19 · 11/10/2022 22:36

*mad not made!!

dementor72 · 11/10/2022 22:41

Please make an official complaint as soon as you can . This sort of bullying , patronising behaviour is what I experienced 35 years ago and I’m sure it made my PND last longer than necessary… you don’t deserve this crap and no other parents should have to endure it either. This woman needs a very loud wake-up call. You are doing a great job , keep going and enjoy your family.

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busymomtoone · 11/10/2022 22:42

I’m so sad that she knocked your confidence- you sound like a fantastic parent and these look delicious well
planned meals to me. HV just on a bad day or probs got a kick out of deflating someone - don’t let that be you. When can I pop over for tea? ❤️

Fizzydog · 11/10/2022 23:00

Ignore her and don't panic. She brought personal prejudice to a professional situation. Your plan looks great.

MB34 · 11/10/2022 23:05

She's off her rocker and from reading your posts, a nasty beeep too!
Wish my kids would eat all that and I wish I had the energy/ enthusiasm to cook it!

janex1 · 11/10/2022 23:07

That menu sounds excellent. Nothing to worry about whatsoever. My dd was small on the growth charts for years even though she ate well and she's now 5 11 in her twenties. Don't give it another thought. HV is bonkers!

bogoffeternal · 11/10/2022 23:09

NoWayRose · 11/10/2022 20:58

Your menu sounds amazing. The HV sounds like a character from League of Gentlemen.

You're going no where buster

Was the HV right? Am I feeding my kids poorly?
amispeakingintongues · 11/10/2022 23:14

Menu is fantastic! Pay no notice of HV. Had similar experience with my hv, for a 16 month old. Added no value, she was rude, and damaged my confidence. Never again.

Dixiechickonhols · 11/10/2022 23:20

Read all your comments and don’t understand her criticism at all. There’s a roast there (and they aren’t compulsory!) there’s pasta, aubergine & rice - why is that not ok but risotto is. Lots of variation and lots of protein - lentils, duck, egg, Greek yoghurt. Surely slow cookers are to be encouraged - home cooked food and cheap to run.
Hope you get a decent response.

pogostick · 11/10/2022 23:20

I am a HV. I haven’t read all the posts - just your original post. The woman is an idiot. Your children are healthy and well fed. Give feedback on this contact - her manager needs to know.

Best wishes.

Edders71 · 11/10/2022 23:40

Just worth noting here OP that the HV is not a compulsory service, you can opt out any time you like.

Topseyt123 · 12/10/2022 00:50

I'm glad you've complained. I hope they do take it seriously.

Remember that it isn't a compulsory service. You don't have to accept their visits. Many of us sacked them off after experiencing some idiots.

I remember being lectured by one because my DD1, who was only 12 months old then, would not eat lumpy food from a spoon, only smooth textures. There was no problem at all and she would eat finger food with no issues at all. She just wanted to be able to manage the spoon by herself, but at that age still couldn't quite do it. What a fuss the HV made though! I never went back as I could no longer see the point of the service and had begun to view them as interfering meddlers.

Foronenightonly22 · 12/10/2022 00:51

Flips sake. I was expecting wall to wall pot noodles and McDonalds. Pay no heed to her.

I had 3 kids under 2 at one stage. When the boys were getting weaned at 6 months I had a visit from a HV accompanied by student HV. They tore strips of me and left me in tears. They criticised their diet. Apparently feeding baby rice as one of a range of first foods was a complete no no and I should have been put in front of a firing squad. I asked for advice on diet and all they could say was weetabix - the boys were literally in the first day or two of trying spoonfeeds.

Then they stripped them off and student HV started making a big fuss that one of the boys was “covered in eczema” . There wasnt a mark on him. I said so but HV insisted there was and prescribed ointments and washes for eczema. At this stage I was doubting my sanity and vision. After they left I rang my GP really upset that I was completely neglecting and screwing my kids up. She told me to take the boys in straight away so she could check them out. The GP described the baby whose skin had been described as “covered in eczema” an hour before as flawless. In fact on previous visits the she had always remarked on the kids healthy skin asking what I used to wash them.

I will never forget those two b**ches. I was a mature mother managing ok and it really rocked me. I often think about the impact their behaviour would have a mother who was struggling.

Foronenightonly22 · 12/10/2022 00:55

Forgot to add that I was standing in a queue in a restaurant a couple of years ago and I heard the voice of the student HV - cheeky cow was jumping the queue too. I had to prevent myself from talking to her about that visit .

I suspect that she must have been doing an assessment that day and she felt she had to be having an active role in visit so she had to talk about something.

Shauny098 · 12/10/2022 01:29

YesItIsI · 10/10/2022 18:23

That menu looks great.

Sooo forgive me for possibly jumping to conclusions but your menu has a lot of "world foods" I guess. So not "English" meals of shepherds pie etc. She refers to them as fakeaways possibly because she doesnt eat much outside of English cuisine? you mention not eating pork? Is there a racial element to her thinking?
😐

I was also thinking this. Was she an older lady? Possibly thinking your menu is a bit too “out there”. I’ll be honest when I’ve read your menu it’s a bit “posh” would I say 🤣….and not traditionally English, not a negative it’s just if she is old school (possibly a bit of racism 😓) then she just won’t get it. Please ignore her tho, if your kids are eating it then you’re doing fine!

mumindoghouse · 12/10/2022 02:02

Wow he a bit silly.

i’ve 2 now adult strapping lads who did not eat as well as your menus cos I’m human, a working Mum, and stuff slipped.

Also first born went through a no to everything save weetabix and baked beans on waffles or jolloff rice only phase. The hours we spent with him chip monking in his cheeks food we wanted him to eat but he stubbornly refused!

Your menu is fine.

Nevertouchakoala · 12/10/2022 02:15

Not really sure why HV exist?? Just tell them their services are not required. It is not compulsory to see them.

your menu is fine- better than fine!

Imy06 · 12/10/2022 02:29

Gosh I think your menu sounds amazing and I think you are doing a brilliant job giving them a fantastic and varied diet. I'm impressed!

TiredMama05 · 12/10/2022 05:04

Goodness me OP - your food sounds fab. I wish my littles would eat like this. Mine are currently surviving on anything beige with an occasional side of broccoli ... I agree with PPs that the health visitor is nuts and quite possibly of an old fashioned point of view that dinners need to be meat and potatoes types of food.

glad you have complained!

mintiegreen · 12/10/2022 05:12

My kid ate bacon crisps for lunch today and refused the sandwich I'd made her. You're doing fine

Ukrainebaby23 · 12/10/2022 05:36

I'm not even sure what you should be cooking if you got said cookbook, I'd love to eat at yours, set another place please..

JustBeKinder · 12/10/2022 06:16

Sounds great to me, looks like you re doing an amazing job and I m a nurse and ex midwife. Keep doing what you re doing and give yourself a oat on the back for giving your kids such a lovely varied diet, they re very lucky xx

JustBeKinder · 12/10/2022 06:17

Pat that should be not oat 🙄

Rosehugger · 12/10/2022 06:21

I have regularly read and heard comments over the years about HVs not taking into account that small adults often have smaller children. It's crazy.

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