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Was the HV right? Am I feeding my kids poorly?

675 replies

Myohmymy · 10/10/2022 18:08

12 month development review, hv comes to house, due to lack of clinic apps. Dc2 (11 months) is doing great weight (50th centile since birth)and milestone wise. Dc1 3.5 is at home.

HV asks about food if they have a varied diet asks what they eat, I say give some for instances, We have a family notice board that we print off our menus for the week (lunch and dinners, helps save costs) so I show her almost in a bit of a jokey way,… she tuts and asks like if it’s like this every week, I say well we have different meals but I guess, tells me it’s not good enough and that’s why my first is small. I was floored, I thought she was joking at first. She was actually born on the 2nd centile and is now 25th.

ill put the exact menu we had that week down below, but I genuinely thought this was fine, actually better than fine, I thought they were eating rather well and I was quite proud of that (maybe silly I know but due to work (I’m part time wfh and dh has a lieu day so we’re getting away with only 2 days nursery )and childcare food prep is a conscious effort and I’m normally up the night before getting everything sorted).

hv said some of it is too junky even if it’s home made and they need to be having proper meals not ‘fakeaways’ and they need a proper cooked meal at lunch too (roast, shepherd pie etc) I did say but this is similar to what school dinners are like and that’s seen to be ok, and she said but they’re not at school they’re at home with you, and suggested I get a cook book.

im leaning towards making a complaint because I can’t afford to do two full cooked meals a day, both time wise and money, but I just want to check I’m not in the wrong here. The menu is in no particular order. She left and I honestly felt so shaken, especially being blamed for my child being small when she wasn’t even there to see her, i feel quite gas lit.

please be gentle, if the food isn’t good enough what should I be doing? We don’t eat pork for religious reasons.

breakfast: usually the same sort of thing everyday, either eggy bread/ french toast with yoghurt and fruit or porridge with fruit. Made with whole milk.

lunch: tuna sweetcorn pasta salad (I make a yoghurt dressing for this as we don’t like mayo), cheesy veggie lentil muffins, JP and beans and cheese, egg florentine pizzas, chicken (from schwarma) and avocado pin wheels (served these with some Pom bears for eldest and baby melt crisps for baby)

dinner: beef tacos (left over meat from the Sunday dinner) chicken schwarma, rice and aubergine, home made fish and chips and mushy peas, ‘crispy’ duck noodles and salad (just duck breast marinaded In that hoisin sauce and 5 spice ), tarka daal and rice, Moroccan lamb and couscous, roast chicken and trimmings.

fruit and yoghurt are offered as puddings and all meals are served with veg. Menu is random in order because it depends on you know if we forget to take something out of the freezer.
.
my eldest has 2 snacks in between meals, rich teas, buttered malt loaf, i made these muffins she quite likes (lower sugar than your normal muffin) cheese and crackers, fruit and nuts, veg sticks and hummus, bread sticks and tzatziki (shop bought) that sort of thing. She has a glass of milk before bed too.

my confidence has been really shaken.

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
clarepetal · 12/10/2022 17:07

Christ on a bike I could only dream to be as healthy as you.
Your hv is batshit, and a prick.
Flowers

Tallulah1972 · 12/10/2022 18:48

Keep doing what you’re doing! Your menu sounds great & the HV is an arse. Don’t let her visit you again.

YukoandHiro · 13/10/2022 06:31

@Wineforbreakfast My god! I hope you ripped her a new one right there. Did you make a formal complaint?

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HelenC123 · 13/10/2022 07:52

I don’t see anything wrong with your menu whatsoever

Withmayo · 13/10/2022 09:05

I am sure there are some good HVs but I don’t really see the point of the HV system. I think that some (and yours is one) are opinionated and not very well qualified. They are not experts in nutrition. The one I has 25 years ago used to say some very odd things that knocked my confidence. Try to forget about her. You are doing really well.

usernamealreadytaken · 13/10/2022 09:27

I think your HV is being a little over-zealous; it sounds like a really lovely menu and quite varied. Perhaps her concern is that there's not much fruit and veg mentioned - I know there's some cooked in but maybe offer bits like carrot and cucumber sticks on the side, that might keep her happy! x

prettybird · 13/10/2022 09:48

If you read the OP's subsequent posts (easy to go as you can filter on the OP's posts), she makes it clear that there is fruit and vegetables offered alongside - they're just not on the menu plan as they're a given and are whatever is around Confused

In any case, the HV's criticism wasn't that there weren't enough fruit and veg: the "solution" was to make shepherd's pie and have more roasts Confused, rather than home made "fake aways" that Shock the children might get a taste for HmmAngry

Muffincupcakeheeler · 13/10/2022 10:59

HV sounds rather rude I'd ask for a different one, your menu sounds amazing and healthy I might have to steal some of your meal ideas for my little one 😊

Idontneedanotherhero · 13/10/2022 11:03

Ive never yet met a health visitor that wasn’t incompetent or batshit. To the point that I just opted out. I’m sure there are competent ones out there but I never met them. Your menu is great, ignore and I honestly would opt out if you are confident the children are fine! (Imagine me as a brand new mum with my first, ten days in the HV arrives and spent the majority of the visit ignoring the baby and telling me I needed to look after my husband or he would leave me!)

mrswibblywobbly · 13/10/2022 11:13

She would no longer be welcome in my home.

Angebot · 13/10/2022 11:15

Your doing one hell of a job. Most kids are picky and wouldn't eat such a varied diet. Going from 2 to 25 percentile is amazing imo. I'd defo complain and ask her to make enter, delicious meals as these all sound amazing to me

LieInsAreExtinct · 13/10/2022 11:17

Sounds like HV needs some cultural reeducation. Ignorant and old-fashioned, probably suspicious of anything unfamiliar or anything to do with excluding foods for religious reasons. Sounds like great food to me.

Sadgirlonatrain · 13/10/2022 11:25

I can only say I'm glad that HV has never been to my house! Mine are 14 and 10 and have pretty much lived on toast, cereal, fruit and yogurts their whole lives. I've obviously tried to change this, but it's not happening. They're both big strong healthy intelligent boys.

Sophie89j · 13/10/2022 11:29

Going off your menu, I’d have told the HV to F off, especially if the child is gaining weight fine!
Your menu is 100% more nutritious than at least 50% of the UK population, the majority of families cannot afford to make food from scratch anymore let alone know how to!
You're doing amazing, ignore the health visitor. Is she an older HV? I found the HV’s I had 13 years ago when my first was born were way more condescending and critical than the HV’s I’ve had this time around.
If I were you I’d completely ignore the HV and do what you feel is best for your children, you’re their mother, you know best.

GelatoQueen · 13/10/2022 11:35

Hi Op your post has brought back some very raw memories of my first couple of years with DS with some of the HV issues I had. They were utterly obsessed with DS weight - he was just a smaller very active baby who turned out to have lactose intolerance. I got so much shite advice from the HV who didn't know anything about nutrition, or lactose free alternatives, or how to reintroduce dairy and didn't believe me re how active he was or how much he ate.

When I actually asked them to do something ie link me to the hospital dietician or get me some information they said it wasn't their job. I ended up at the GP who was fab and sighed profusely when hearing my tales of woe with the HV. We finally got to see a paediatrician who was remarkably relaxed about the whole thing and was not in the slightest bit concerned about our approach ... there was a lot of me saying 'but the HV said' at that appointment

DPotter · 13/10/2022 11:40

Another one inviting themselves around to yours for dinner.

has she read a modern cookbook ? - Nigella, Jamie etc - all about 'fakeaways'

Breakfasts sound good

Lunches - nothing wrong here either. Fully cooked lunch is not necessary. there is no additional nutrition added just because the food is served hot.

Dinners - these are varied and sound tasty too.

Please don't let this HV knock your confidence. You're providing a wide range of tastes, textures and presentations for your family, with a high level of nutritional content. You do not need to buy a cookbook - although I think you probably have lots from the range of meals you're cooking. If anyone needs a cookbook its her.

My DD is now in her 20s but the children's cook of choice back in my day was Annabel Karmel and she had recipes from all over the world. In fact just checked on Amazon and her book New Complete Baby & Toddler Meal Planner: No.1 Bestseller with new finger food guidance & recipes: 30th Anniversary Edition, so still going strong. And a chicken burger recipe is featured! You could send the HV a link!!

You are doing a good job ! Your children are happy and growing - and that's enough

perseverence · 13/10/2022 12:08

can you share your recipe for cheesy lentil veggie muffins please?
sounds great

Downdaysoon · 13/10/2022 12:12

Hv's don't have a certain reputation for nothing. Most mums I know smile and nod at their advice, then ignore. They simply do not have the education or training they need to make their advice useful.

Withmayo · 13/10/2022 12:19

Well said Downdaysoon!

Fraaahnces · 13/10/2022 12:19

I was reported to the hospital psychiatrist for PND by my week old twin’s paediatrician. I had literally just been told by the lactation consultants that the results of my ultrasound were conclusive and the reason I had no breast milk with my then two year old and now these two was because I had no milk ducts. I had all the hormones raging with nowhere to go. I was concerned because both of them were covered in eczema and looked like burns victims - and we have a history of severe food allergies in my family. I had also been told that my twin girl had renal cancer at my 20 wk scan and I was asking him to organize a follow-up scan on her kidneys and he was telling me that there was no point. (WTF?!?) Also, girl twin was a tiny (but very strong) 5lb baby at 39.5 weeks and hadn’t gained weight (uh, no milk, remember? Oh, the lactation consultant must have been wrong because of course ALL women can breastfeed…) and boy baby was 7.5lbs. I pointed out that at 5ft I was one of the tallest women in my family, so not surprised about the size difference. I said I would consider seeing a shrink AFTER he arranged the kidney scan for my baby - after all it was non-invasive, etc. He rolled his eyes, but did that very reluctantly. Within days my DD was at the biggest paediatric oncology department in Australia and he was asking why I had requested that my twins files be sent to another paediatrician. Btw, boy twin diagnosed with anaphylaxis and asthma, both still have (different to each other) food allergies and they are 16. (The cancer thing was simply a deformed kidney, thank goodness!)

Leopardprintisaneutral · 13/10/2022 12:20

From that menu, I see lots of protein, vegetables and healthy fats, it sounds fine to me

AppleWax · 13/10/2022 12:27

Health visitors are optional not mandatory- I wouldn’t accept another home visit, complain and either visit the clinic or opt out of the service - you can always go to GP if you have any medical issues etc.

cathycake · 13/10/2022 12:32

Sounds good to me and obviously is judging by the healthy growth of your children

It sounds as though she was having a bad day or she likes to try and intimidate- ignore her OP. Dont waste your positive energy on someone like this. Some people just like to suck the joy out of you as it makes them feel important for a minute

PS Food sounds great!!

Padz · 13/10/2022 12:42

Carry on doing the great job you’ve been doing, unfortunately sometimes the professionals don’t know best.
I would complain about her comments because clearly she needs to update herself on what’s healthy.

OriginalUsername3 · 13/10/2022 12:44

Your menu is fine. HV is off her rocker.

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