Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Please or to access all these features

Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Was the HV right? Am I feeding my kids poorly?

675 replies

Myohmymy · 10/10/2022 18:08

12 month development review, hv comes to house, due to lack of clinic apps. Dc2 (11 months) is doing great weight (50th centile since birth)and milestone wise. Dc1 3.5 is at home.

HV asks about food if they have a varied diet asks what they eat, I say give some for instances, We have a family notice board that we print off our menus for the week (lunch and dinners, helps save costs) so I show her almost in a bit of a jokey way,… she tuts and asks like if it’s like this every week, I say well we have different meals but I guess, tells me it’s not good enough and that’s why my first is small. I was floored, I thought she was joking at first. She was actually born on the 2nd centile and is now 25th.

ill put the exact menu we had that week down below, but I genuinely thought this was fine, actually better than fine, I thought they were eating rather well and I was quite proud of that (maybe silly I know but due to work (I’m part time wfh and dh has a lieu day so we’re getting away with only 2 days nursery )and childcare food prep is a conscious effort and I’m normally up the night before getting everything sorted).

hv said some of it is too junky even if it’s home made and they need to be having proper meals not ‘fakeaways’ and they need a proper cooked meal at lunch too (roast, shepherd pie etc) I did say but this is similar to what school dinners are like and that’s seen to be ok, and she said but they’re not at school they’re at home with you, and suggested I get a cook book.

im leaning towards making a complaint because I can’t afford to do two full cooked meals a day, both time wise and money, but I just want to check I’m not in the wrong here. The menu is in no particular order. She left and I honestly felt so shaken, especially being blamed for my child being small when she wasn’t even there to see her, i feel quite gas lit.

please be gentle, if the food isn’t good enough what should I be doing? We don’t eat pork for religious reasons.

breakfast: usually the same sort of thing everyday, either eggy bread/ french toast with yoghurt and fruit or porridge with fruit. Made with whole milk.

lunch: tuna sweetcorn pasta salad (I make a yoghurt dressing for this as we don’t like mayo), cheesy veggie lentil muffins, JP and beans and cheese, egg florentine pizzas, chicken (from schwarma) and avocado pin wheels (served these with some Pom bears for eldest and baby melt crisps for baby)

dinner: beef tacos (left over meat from the Sunday dinner) chicken schwarma, rice and aubergine, home made fish and chips and mushy peas, ‘crispy’ duck noodles and salad (just duck breast marinaded In that hoisin sauce and 5 spice ), tarka daal and rice, Moroccan lamb and couscous, roast chicken and trimmings.

fruit and yoghurt are offered as puddings and all meals are served with veg. Menu is random in order because it depends on you know if we forget to take something out of the freezer.
.
my eldest has 2 snacks in between meals, rich teas, buttered malt loaf, i made these muffins she quite likes (lower sugar than your normal muffin) cheese and crackers, fruit and nuts, veg sticks and hummus, bread sticks and tzatziki (shop bought) that sort of thing. She has a glass of milk before bed too.

my confidence has been really shaken.

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Lollipopsicle · 12/10/2022 06:27

You are doing a fab job OP if that is what you’re feeding them! The HV was bang out of order and obviously doesn’t know what on earth she’s talking about. Just carry on doing what you’re doing and your kids will be absolutely fine. 😀

Withmayo · 12/10/2022 07:57

She sounds a bit stupid and I agree with another poster wondering if the H V doesn’t understand cultural variations in cooking. 😮

Gingernan · 12/10/2022 07:57

Your food sounds brilliant! I had a demoralising hv myself 40 + years ago ( also some wonderful ones too) Please take no notice of her! You are brilliant.
My youngest daughter trained as a hv wanting to do good,working in a poor area. She didn't like it as there seemed to be a bit of a culture of not encouraging parents,and being superior to them. I think that's so sad, as mums do a great job even when times are challenging,and why put them down when you can lift them up?

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

nannykatherine · 12/10/2022 08:16

Your menu is fine
if your children are eating
then pat yourself on the back !!!
igonre health visitor as she is very unprofessional
the tutting thing is a start..
it seems her food choices are different to yours so she’s trying to impose her ideas
bit it’s all food
and you have a good mix of fruit veg meats snacks fun stuff too ..
children only need a protein portion the size of the palm of their hand ..
your lunches are great ..

RUOKHUN · 12/10/2022 08:51

YesItIsI · 10/10/2022 18:23

That menu looks great.

Sooo forgive me for possibly jumping to conclusions but your menu has a lot of "world foods" I guess. So not "English" meals of shepherds pie etc. She refers to them as fakeaways possibly because she doesnt eat much outside of English cuisine? you mention not eating pork? Is there a racial element to her thinking?
😐

Yes, that sounds exactly what she thinks!
OP the menu is great, please don’t be disheartened. Are you able to request another HV? Maybe one with a better palate?

beneathhereyes · 12/10/2022 08:56

Only read the OP and my initial reaction was this must be a stealth boast as there's no way anyone could say that those meals are not proper. I didn't see any 'fake aways' either.

My3dahliasarebloominlovely · 12/10/2022 09:01

Sorry OP I haven't read the whole thread as I am so angry on your behalf. Your children have a wholesome, varied diet. They don't need a carb overload ("can you cook pasta" ffs!) and meat and two veg. And LAZY to use a slow cooker??? Argh! You are a brilliant mum who plans a fab sounding menu.HV needs a good head wobble

BakewellT · 12/10/2022 09:03

That menu looks fantastic! Better than my son eats. Varied healthy diet. Please ignore HV and as others have suggested. Ask for a different HV.
Time constraints and cost of food. Don't really see how you can improve it anymore. Don't really feel a shephers pie is any better. They are still getting meat/veg/carbs.

MissTrip82 · 12/10/2022 09:21

Hahahahahahahhaha.

there are children eating chicken nuggets and only chicken nuggets.

Your meal plan is great.

NoWayRose · 12/10/2022 10:44

She thinks a dahl is a ‘fakeaway’, like any curry must be a takeaway. Where as steak and kidney pie is a health food

laurzf1 · 12/10/2022 11:06

There are loads of kids where their only source of vitamin c in their diet is from chips. Your menu is wonderful! I'm so jealous your kids eat such a variety! You're doing a great job, the HV is ignorant and lacks imagination. She's also not a nutrition expert so she won't see the nuance. Tell her to do one.

Madamum18 · 12/10/2022 11:07

Why on earth would tutting at a mother be considered "helpful"? Email her manager, she nee3ds an update in practice and advice!

petmad · 12/10/2022 11:08

They dont need two big meals a day a good breakfast a light dinner and a big tea lol their children not adults youre menu is perfect as a mum you would know if they were hungry carry on doing what youre doing and i would definately put in a complaint

Diamondsareforever123 · 12/10/2022 11:20

Sounds great to me. A varied and healthy diet. Great your kids eat it all. Far better than cottage pie. I don't know what the HV was thinking! Bloody stupid. Make some more of everything.... we're coming to yours!!

Aslan007 · 12/10/2022 11:35

If I was you I would be filing a string worded complaint against her.
I mean, you are planning weekly menus, that’s shows your organised and actually concerned for your kids health. That better than what I do. My kids get porridge everyday for breakfast with a combination of different fruits mixed in. Egg on toast is for weekends. I do all my cooking in the daytime after school run and what ever we eat for lunch is also eaten at dinner. I would probably have the ss on my case 😂😂!!
The only thing is would suggest is that you could try mixing chopped vegetables in all your dishes to make sure they are getting their 5 a day with every meal. My go to Veg are chopped carrots, peppers, corgettes and onions which gets cooked in every meal. Overall menus are healthy and well rounded.

ScotsBluebell · 12/10/2022 11:51

Saw this last night and was gobsmacked. Your food sounds wonderful, healthy, varied, delicious. As everyone else has said, can you come and cook for me? When did health visitors become so judgmental? I'd have shown her the door. I remember that mine - 35 years ago, where did that time go? - was lovely, supportive, positive. Who has time now to make two cooked meals a day? I certainly didn't back then. I think you should complain, because it really isn't part of her job description to undermine confidence like this.

IAteTheLastOne · 12/10/2022 12:09

I’d phone back and say you’re not happy with the way you were treated. Your menu looks lovely. My HV knew I had a history of anxiety surrounding breast feeding and proceeded to say ‘oh he’s really starving isn’t he?’ Just after I’d fed my 3 week old! Throw away comment for her-absolutely devastated me and that is probably where my BF journey started to end!

CatsandFish · 12/10/2022 12:24

HVs seem to cause more problem than help, and they are not compulsory. Mothers have been birthing and parenting for centuries, there really isn't a need for a HV unless you lack confidence or want one. Time to end the 'visits' I think, or at the very least I would put in a complaint about her.

Dontpeeonthecat · 12/10/2022 12:34

Your menu sounds absolutely fine, set me a place at your table!
I've got 4 children aged 7-17.
I weekly meal plan and its hard due to them all disliking certain stuff.
Your hv would have a heart attack I'd she saw my menu!
My breakfasts are either cereal, buttered crumpets or premade pancakes i throw in the microwave and douse in honey. Sometimes if I'm feeling nice I'll chop some fruit.
Lunch is whatever they get themselves at school (youngest takes packed lunch).
Dinners range from takeaway, pizza, something thrown in the slow cooker, roasts, something else homemade or this week im doing a premade lasagne. They get veg and fruit is always available. But so are semi healthy snacks.
I'm a busy working parent and my kids are fed.
My 4 are all healthy weights and eldest 2 tower over me.
My last hv for my youngest was actually alright, could see I was fine and signed me off early but for the other 3 I found them quite rude, abrupt and thought they were expert nutritionists.
And i havent cooked a cottage pie in years.
Tell her you don't need her second visit and definitely make a complaint x

Dixiechickonhols · 12/10/2022 13:09

I do hope you follow up if they don’t respond. You were rattled enough to post here and it could really knock confidence of some mums. The comments sound so stupid I’d worry what other advice she’s giving out.
The weight comments too take no account of centiles or your size or ethnic heritage.

NazMedusa · 12/10/2022 13:42

Your menu sounds more than healthy and varied. She's clearly loopy. I would put a complaint in and ask for a proper explanation from her and query her qualifications...

Thisisashitshow · 12/10/2022 13:53

I was a health visitor for years and this diet is excellent. You do need to report her and send details of your menus with it. Xx

MadamePompom · 12/10/2022 15:25

One of my ds (twins) was born weighing 1lb less than brother. Whereas his db tracked the weight lines well, he tracked the 0.4th centile! HV was obsessed by his weight and kept sending us to GP who eventually to shut her up sent us to growth clinic. We told consultant we and GP didn't think anything wrong but..... He examined ds and asked mine and dh height looked on his chart and said if ds wanted to be big should have chosen different parents! That said other ds is now 5'9" at 13!

Wineforbreakfast · 12/10/2022 16:36

Please do not listen to her/him! Sometimes they simply do not have a clue what they are talking about.
shortly after I had my first dd, my midwife looked down at her and said ‘never mind, maybe if mummy has a brother or sister she’ll breastfeed them instead of bottle like you.’
i’d had a double mastectomy, with no reconstruction, seven years earlier!!

Imouttahere · 12/10/2022 17:04

HV's can get it so very wrong sometimes. When I had my DS 11 years ago, HV came. Now DS was very tall and heavy but not fat, not a fatty roll on him, but he did have big cheeks, just like his mum. HV told me I'm feeding DS too much (we're talking milk only here). Really? She told me she can tell I'm feeding him too much by his cheeks 😮. Um, he gets those from me, and I got them from my DM. We never saw that HV again and I carried on feeding my son when he was hungry. He has never been over weight in his life. Carry on as you are OP. You got this

Swipe left for the next trending thread