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Was the HV right? Am I feeding my kids poorly?

675 replies

Myohmymy · 10/10/2022 18:08

12 month development review, hv comes to house, due to lack of clinic apps. Dc2 (11 months) is doing great weight (50th centile since birth)and milestone wise. Dc1 3.5 is at home.

HV asks about food if they have a varied diet asks what they eat, I say give some for instances, We have a family notice board that we print off our menus for the week (lunch and dinners, helps save costs) so I show her almost in a bit of a jokey way,… she tuts and asks like if it’s like this every week, I say well we have different meals but I guess, tells me it’s not good enough and that’s why my first is small. I was floored, I thought she was joking at first. She was actually born on the 2nd centile and is now 25th.

ill put the exact menu we had that week down below, but I genuinely thought this was fine, actually better than fine, I thought they were eating rather well and I was quite proud of that (maybe silly I know but due to work (I’m part time wfh and dh has a lieu day so we’re getting away with only 2 days nursery )and childcare food prep is a conscious effort and I’m normally up the night before getting everything sorted).

hv said some of it is too junky even if it’s home made and they need to be having proper meals not ‘fakeaways’ and they need a proper cooked meal at lunch too (roast, shepherd pie etc) I did say but this is similar to what school dinners are like and that’s seen to be ok, and she said but they’re not at school they’re at home with you, and suggested I get a cook book.

im leaning towards making a complaint because I can’t afford to do two full cooked meals a day, both time wise and money, but I just want to check I’m not in the wrong here. The menu is in no particular order. She left and I honestly felt so shaken, especially being blamed for my child being small when she wasn’t even there to see her, i feel quite gas lit.

please be gentle, if the food isn’t good enough what should I be doing? We don’t eat pork for religious reasons.

breakfast: usually the same sort of thing everyday, either eggy bread/ french toast with yoghurt and fruit or porridge with fruit. Made with whole milk.

lunch: tuna sweetcorn pasta salad (I make a yoghurt dressing for this as we don’t like mayo), cheesy veggie lentil muffins, JP and beans and cheese, egg florentine pizzas, chicken (from schwarma) and avocado pin wheels (served these with some Pom bears for eldest and baby melt crisps for baby)

dinner: beef tacos (left over meat from the Sunday dinner) chicken schwarma, rice and aubergine, home made fish and chips and mushy peas, ‘crispy’ duck noodles and salad (just duck breast marinaded In that hoisin sauce and 5 spice ), tarka daal and rice, Moroccan lamb and couscous, roast chicken and trimmings.

fruit and yoghurt are offered as puddings and all meals are served with veg. Menu is random in order because it depends on you know if we forget to take something out of the freezer.
.
my eldest has 2 snacks in between meals, rich teas, buttered malt loaf, i made these muffins she quite likes (lower sugar than your normal muffin) cheese and crackers, fruit and nuts, veg sticks and hummus, bread sticks and tzatziki (shop bought) that sort of thing. She has a glass of milk before bed too.

my confidence has been really shaken.

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Myohmymy · 11/10/2022 20:45

Thanks everyone! Toddler deffo doesn’t eat it all though, we normally just make sure there’s a safe food on her plate so hopefully in time she tries it. Veggie options definitely aren’t her favourite. Neither oily fish, sometimes she’ll eat a salmon fishcake but it’s hit and miss, probably why it’s a bit lacking. Of course she bloody likes duck though, probably the only time we’ll have it haha.

ive not heard back from the office, maybe will do tomorrow?

re someone saying it being low calorie, I do try and add extra fats to the kids food, extra butter whole fat yog etc, that tarka is made with a lot of butter lol.

to the person saying bs, you’d think right, that’s why I was so floored, because I meal plan and try to make them varied, and good and getting organised on food is a huge deal for me as I’m a lazy bones at heart. I was more flummoxed at her dinners comments but concerned about her lunch comments because they are ‘quick’ meals that I can prep the night before and just plate/ heat up, you know generally low effort food

OP posts:
anon666 · 11/10/2022 20:48

Wow, your food menu exceeds my capabilities.

I think health visitors are a bit aspirational about food for children. I remember really taking it seriously, but then the kids went to nursery/school and their food was crap.

They then picked up all the bad food habits that I'd been desperate to avoid, and I felt like all my time and effort in the early years had been wasted.

Mamamoo12 · 11/10/2022 20:51

I’m jealous of this menu. Absolutely nothing wrong with it at all. Very healthy and balanced!

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NoWayRose · 11/10/2022 20:58

Your menu sounds amazing. The HV sounds like a character from League of Gentlemen.

mamabear715 · 11/10/2022 21:03

Bloody HV's. One asked me if my (tiny at the time) DS had 'always been spoiled?' when me, DH & siblings were encouraging him to draw eyes, nose & mouth in a circle.. ffs..

Tusue · 11/10/2022 21:08

All sounds beautifully balanced to me ,who the flip has 2 cooked meals a day these days ,not many I bet.
im afraid I’d ignore her ,just because she’s trained doesn’t mean she’s always right ,her advice seems dated to me and I’m old enough to be a grandma myself.

MaChienEstUnDick · 11/10/2022 21:16

I've only skimmed your posts op but omg I'm raging on your behalf! You are doing so well, and my jaw honestly dropped when you said that cooking didn't come naturally to you - it doesn't seem like it!

I'm glad you complained.

Autumn61 · 11/10/2022 21:24

Wow ! Just bloody wow! Maybe she meant you should write a cook book .

Fatredwitch · 11/10/2022 21:27

I would be ecstatic if my 9 year old granddaughter was living on your menu! She will only eat a very restricted diet, even though she is offered the same variety as her sisters. I wish we could persuade her to eat the sort of healthy food that your kids are eating.

I would ignore your HV, who seems to be criticising you for no good reason. In fact, I think you should complain. She may be going round making these groundless (racist?) remarks to other mums too, and could be worrying them unnecessarily.

Fatredwitch · 11/10/2022 21:28

Sorry, just realised that you did complain. Good for you.

EatingPeanutButterWithASpoon · 11/10/2022 21:29

As per pp she's nuts. You're doing brilliantly! I'd be happy for my children to eat at yours. And they don't need two cooked meals a day.

MrsLighthouse · 11/10/2022 21:34

That’s a great menu. Makes me cross to hear what she said…no wonder home visits are so dreaded. My daughters friend was told her house wasn’t tidy enough . She’s at home all day with a toddler and is a great mum, devoted to her baby. It really knocked her confidence too ! She - possibly like you - didn’t want to complain because she feared more scrutiny 😡

Shitfather · 11/10/2022 21:42

Wow!! My DS would be utterly delighted with that menu!! May I ask if you are from an ethnic background?

Shanda5 · 11/10/2022 21:51

This is a great menu! Well balanced and almost everything homemade.

I have to admit to being guilty of trolly snobbery in the supermarket, however in this case the only person I would judge is your HV!

She is talking absolute rubbish. You are doing a fab job. Xx

THEDEACON · 11/10/2022 21:56

I'm coming for tea too I can help you word your lengthy and detailed complaint aboutHV

GordonShakespearedoesChristmas · 11/10/2022 22:04

My son forcibly ejected a vile HV from his house 11 years ago over DGD2.
Ignore her and/or complain.
You're doing great!

Rockingcloggs · 11/10/2022 22:05

You know the phrase 'piss off'? Well, use it next time she comes and don't let her through the door!

BettyBoops · 11/10/2022 22:07

My opinion/experience of health visitors is to take everything they say with a massive pinch of salt!
That menu sounds amazing, I would be thrilled if mine ate even a third of that - I'm so bored of making the same meals over again or anything new that is outright refused!
My youngest is going through a particularly fussy phase and is surviving on a diet of mostly pasta bread and yogurt at the moment 🤦🏻‍♀️😂

LouLou198 · 11/10/2022 22:09

Sounds very well balanced to me!! Your dc aren't living off take aways!! Who has time to cook another hot meal at lunchtime???
Closest mine get to one at lunch is a hot sausage roll! Wink

Pinkfluff76 · 11/10/2022 22:20

Sounds great to me. Horrible HV!

Dixiechickonhols · 11/10/2022 22:24

It all sounds delicious and very varied. They don’t need 2 hot meals a day but they are some days. 3 hot meals some days - porridge, jacket and cooked tea.I wouldn’t describe menu as fakeaway. It sounds like you are an excellent cook lots from scratch.

GoodEnough1 · 11/10/2022 22:24

Looks great to me. I also wondered if HV perhaps didn’t know what some of those things are. Doesn’t excuse it though. You should complain.

NickyT64 · 11/10/2022 22:26

All I can say is I now feel totally inadequate!!! The meals you make sound amazing, you obviously put a lot of thought and effort in. Please get rid of these negative thoughts, continue the fantastic work your doing and maybe consider a conversation with someone at your Health Centre.

Emotionalsupportviper · 11/10/2022 22:34

She said it was too much junk food, they needed more ‘grown up food’ or they’ll get a taste for junk. I pointed out that it’s all home cooked, from scratch, no bought sauces when we do have things like pasta bake or lasagne, she said but still, they’ll get a taste for it.

All those poor Italian children . . .

Strangeways19 · 11/10/2022 22:35

Wow. I think if you can get them to eat your menu you're doing well & she should congratulate you. I would definitely ignore. What I do know having grown up kids is that a lot of professionals talk nonsense. Not all but some, and need to be put back in their box.
It makes me made to think that she spoke to you like that, the first thing I thought was race, but whatever her issue is, it's not your issue so don't let her upset you any more! Sending hugs

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