MIL put photos of my baby on Facebook without permission

[sasscass]

Do any of you think this is really cheeky and disrespectful?
the day after my baby was born, my partner and I asked his parents to drop us off home from hospital and his mom slyly took a picture of our baby in her car seat and put it on her Facebook. It is set to friends only, as all her posts are, but that doesn’t mean anything since she has hundreds and hundreds of friends … none of which who I know or ever heard of. About 100 different people congratulated her on the birth of my baby and it made me uncomfortable.

im such a people pleaser and I find it hard to say no. It’s something I need to work on. But she didn’t even ask, and if she had then I would’ve told her no, not in a million years. She posted a picture of my partners little sister holding our baby when we went to visit a few days after she was born… yet again, no permission from me or my partner. My MIL and FIL live online, what they eat, what they are currently doing is ALL plastered on facebook. This is concerning since it’s a safety concern for my newborn, what about when (or if, at this rate) I FINALLY trust them enough to have her for the day and they post sensitive information about her?! Or they post a pic of her in her school uniform?! It is NOT okay.

my MIL and FIL are basically strangers to me so I’m not even okay with going round to visit them. They don’t address me, if they want permission to hold the baby they ask my partner. There’s no consideration or respect for me and my feelings. I feel pushed out and I feel like my baby isn’t even mine when I’m around the in laws.
i got pregnant, stupidly, 3 months into our relationship and I didn’t have time to get to know his family. They kept saying they would arrange something for us all to go out together and they never did. I’ve exchanged several sentences with his parents, never spoken to his siblings and that’s it.
i am very protective over my baby and I find it hard to share her, especially with people who I don’t know.
it’s damaging my mental health and I told my partner, he saw how upset I was and he said that he doesn’t have a problem with the pictures being posted online and so i need to say something if I have a problem with it. I understand that but I just know if I say something to his mother about the pictures then she will hate me… and if she dislikes me then I won’t be ok with leaving our baby with her. I don’t want to get on the wrong side of people, but I want and need to protect my daughter.

im not okay with it and I need to speak up. I don’t know why I find it so hard, as if I’m demanding too much for asking her to take the pictures down and to never post on social media about MY baby.

i just had to vent before I go ahead and send the message to her.
i wondered if anybody else had a similar issue with in laws being overbearing and/or doing things without permission? I feel so alone. This has caused arguments between me and my partner, I guess he takes it personally since it’s his family but I feel like my feelings don’t matter.

She isn’t your MIL though is she? She’s the mother of a boyfriend you were with for 3 months before getting pregnant. 🤷🏻‍♀️

What will you do when you split up and have no say in what happens when the child is with her father and his family? I can see the bridges burning from here!

Genuinely confused by all the vitriol aimed at OP here.
Who cares how many times she says ‘my’ instead of ‘ours’??
Shes just given birth (SHE has just given birth) to a baby that SHE carried and changed her life for, for 9 whole months-if she doesn’t want her new baby’s picture plastered online (without being asked permission, and before even she can announce her OWN baby’s birth) then she has every right to be annoyed.

She also has the right to bite back at some if the quite frankly nasty responses.

Of course grandparents have bragging rights-but not before mum and dad can announce the birth of their own baby, and I don’t care what side of the fence you are on, it is basic manners to ask permission first!

Thankfully, my DD was born before Facebook, but I have nieces and nephews that are very young, and I have never announced their birth online, not without express permission from mum and dad and certainly not before they have had a chance to tell people. It’s their baby, their story to tell. You don’t let manners fly out of the window simply because you’ve become a grandparent.

What drugs are you people on???

Personally, I think the OP isn’t coming across as being very rational and that this thread should be removed for her own mental well-being. Can everyone please not engage with it anymore. This could be a new mum who’s possibly suffering from PND and is feeling very attacked - even though she’s also being very aggressive to some posters,

But the issue is, you never told them you feel strongly about this.
If you had done that, then they would know you had an issue with it, but you didn't.

i want to protect my baby and some people seem to be angered by the fact

No-one is angered at this vague notion of "wanting to protect my baby" that is something so basic and obvious it isn't being discussed at all. When everyone is trying to tell you is that this isn't something your baby needs 'protecting' from.

As many have said - completely up to both parents of any child if they want to make a decision that they don't ever want any photos of their child on any form of social media, nut you need to let everyone know you have made that decision and not expect them to somehow read your mind.

I would advise you step back from this and get your partner to have the conversations with his parents. He can let them know you both have decided not to post photos of your child online and so ask them to respect this. Also if there is an issue with them trying to organise meet-ups without your consent then it is also his job right now to point out that these are precious weeks and any suggestions for meet-ups should be passed through him as he is currently acting as gate keeper whilst you and your child bond and you recover strength.

I personally don’t think I’ve been rude to anybody where they haven’t been rude to me first.
if somebody is being nasty to me, or imparting rude comments disguised as an opinion then I will not be nice.

If they spoke to me nastily first, then it’s justified and I stand by that.
telling me to get a grip isn’t nice or considerate. But where are you having a go at that person?

*but , not "nut"

Posters think you are being unreasonable because your assessment of risk of danger to your baby is off. It's got the potential to make you unhappy and spoil your relationships & noone wants to see that.

congratulations on your new baby 🌾

She's not just your baby, she's your partners too! - Please calm down its hardly putting you baby at risk and that'd from me a facebook hatter

Please explain why it’s up to the new, exhausted mum to ensure that people retain their manners?

Its common decency to acquire permission from the parents before posting a picture of someone’s baby. Whether it’s the grandparents or not-it’s not their baby and it’s not their decision.

Permission should have been sought, end of.

There’s really no argument to the contrary

Everybody, take a look at what this lady has wrote. She worded it much better than I ever could and I’m sick to my stomach of replying to ignorant people.
i will be nasty if it is warranted because I’m not going to stand by and let people speak down to me.

thank you so much for this reply❤️It means a lot.
hormones are all over the place after birth and perhaps that is why people think I’m being over top but some replies are downright inconsiderate, passive aggressive and nasty.

I’ve just read some of the OP’s previous threads, and suggest others do the same. It gives some good context, and means that I’m stepping out.

I used to feel just like you OP and I completely understand.

My MIL posted a photo of my newborn before I was even able to tell people he had been born. It's disrespectful and makes you feel unimportant and disrespected as a mother.

However the level of protectiveness and anger you feel is due to your raging hormones. This thread won't do anything for your mental health, so just be kind to yourself and don't let people on here goad you into an argument.

This!!! ^^

thank you again ❤️

My in-laws did it once, despite us telling them our kids would not have photos posted online. There was a slightly heated discussion and it was removed. Kids can’t consent to it, it’s as simple as that for me.

There have been a few incidents here of teens being teased for photos their family have posted of them years ago, my kids are glad not to have that. My oldest is 18 now and is still posts very little online. Hopefully we’ll see some laws put in place to protect kids from it in the future.

A baby photo is reasonable harmless, your child will change so much, but I’d make it clear that you don’t want her to do it again. If she isn’t getting enough joy from just having a new baby in the family, that getting a few likes and comments online is more important than your wishes, she needs to have a think about priorities, including building a good relationship and trust with you.

I agree with that. I am very hormonal, and I am being goaded on this thread.
i don’t know why mil’s feel so entitled to our children. It’s so strange!

Thank you for this. Makes sense, I too am out.

@Afterfire so you'd have been happy say if your child was at school for instance and a newspaper approached the school for an interview and photo session with your son and didn’t bother with contacting you to ask?

@Bubbafly Bye bye now x

You’re telling people to go fuck themselves because they don’t agree. I don’t think MIL is the problem here.

I personally wouldn’t be upset about it but if you are, and you clearly feel strongly about it then you need to ask them not to post photos of her. My brother and his new wife had a baby 4 months ago and I’ve not posted any photos even though I’d love to share my gorgeous nephew online. I wouldn’t just post a photo of a baby without permission, including grandchildren. I do think people need to ask.

@StillHappy my other posts have nothing to do with how disrespectfully people have spoken to me on here, and the fact that you’ve seen some of the replies and still make me out to be bad speaks volumes for you. Bye now x

Sorry OP but as much as your baby is half your responsibility, you don't OWN her.
Your MIL 'slyly taking pictures' sounds like you're implying you don't want your baby to have a whole loving family around her. Your MIL is proud and wants to get to know her. As much as it might be overbearing at times, it's a special part of life for everyone involved, not just you.
Photos online, I understand but at the same time you could be walking past a paedophile in the street and you wouldn't know - are you going to cover her up with a blanket?
Perhaps concentrate on the more important things right now, that's where your focus is needed.

I would take a step back from this thread if I were you. You're not getting the responses you thought you would and you feel goaded. There isn't any good that can come from this thread for you. Good luck, op.