MIL put photos of my baby on Facebook without permission

[sasscass]

Do any of you think this is really cheeky and disrespectful?
the day after my baby was born, my partner and I asked his parents to drop us off home from hospital and his mom slyly took a picture of our baby in her car seat and put it on her Facebook. It is set to friends only, as all her posts are, but that doesn’t mean anything since she has hundreds and hundreds of friends … none of which who I know or ever heard of. About 100 different people congratulated her on the birth of my baby and it made me uncomfortable.

im such a people pleaser and I find it hard to say no. It’s something I need to work on. But she didn’t even ask, and if she had then I would’ve told her no, not in a million years. She posted a picture of my partners little sister holding our baby when we went to visit a few days after she was born… yet again, no permission from me or my partner. My MIL and FIL live online, what they eat, what they are currently doing is ALL plastered on facebook. This is concerning since it’s a safety concern for my newborn, what about when (or if, at this rate) I FINALLY trust them enough to have her for the day and they post sensitive information about her?! Or they post a pic of her in her school uniform?! It is NOT okay.

my MIL and FIL are basically strangers to me so I’m not even okay with going round to visit them. They don’t address me, if they want permission to hold the baby they ask my partner. There’s no consideration or respect for me and my feelings. I feel pushed out and I feel like my baby isn’t even mine when I’m around the in laws.
i got pregnant, stupidly, 3 months into our relationship and I didn’t have time to get to know his family. They kept saying they would arrange something for us all to go out together and they never did. I’ve exchanged several sentences with his parents, never spoken to his siblings and that’s it.
i am very protective over my baby and I find it hard to share her, especially with people who I don’t know.
it’s damaging my mental health and I told my partner, he saw how upset I was and he said that he doesn’t have a problem with the pictures being posted online and so i need to say something if I have a problem with it. I understand that but I just know if I say something to his mother about the pictures then she will hate me… and if she dislikes me then I won’t be ok with leaving our baby with her. I don’t want to get on the wrong side of people, but I want and need to protect my daughter.

im not okay with it and I need to speak up. I don’t know why I find it so hard, as if I’m demanding too much for asking her to take the pictures down and to never post on social media about MY baby.

i just had to vent before I go ahead and send the message to her.
i wondered if anybody else had a similar issue with in laws being overbearing and/or doing things without permission? I feel so alone. This has caused arguments between me and my partner, I guess he takes it personally since it’s his family but I feel like my feelings don’t matter.

Resoevt is earned. Your posts on here do not suggest that you understand this, or that you are owed any. You have been deeply offensive to other posters, yet think that people should still respect you.

@Soontobe60 i did not comment what my mil did. Where she went in depth about his bodily changes.

do you expect me to sit back and let people make me out to be crazy? I vaguely told somebody what my mil put online about her own son, I’m not doing what she did.

She’s just a proud gran wanting to show off her grandchild

@StillHappy i do not respect people who don’t respect me. You clearly have not read the comments that have been sent to me, so in the mean time don’t be so judgmental.

i deserve respect as the mother to her grandchild. As I have earned it also, I’ve been nothing but nice to her.

And again, your mask has slipped.

To be kind, take some time off the internet you hate so much and look after yourself. You telling people to go fuck themselves when they don't agree with you is quite telling. Best of luck to you and your baby and also your in laws because they are going to need it.

OP, I understand where you're coming from. I haven't read the full thread, only some. You and your partner have more rights than anyone over whether DC is shared online, he seems indifferent. You obviously care strongly.
I do post photos of my DS online but they're not public and my friends are people I know personally. When I was pregnant I let people know I wouldn't announce or post pictures until family members met him. I was quite ill after the birth so this was delayed. A few months later my own dad mentioned his Facebook to me, I didn't know he was on there, this was the first he'd spoken of it. I searched for him and found my DS had been made his profile picture the day after he'd born. Making him public and posted before anyone except my parents had met him. I was furious. Yet, I've still not said anything, 3 years later. I don't know how.
A lot of people choose not to share their children online, it's normal. Please don't be afraid to voice it, calmly. If they ignore your requests, comment on every photo they share of your child and shame them, make it clear they don't have permission and were asked not to do this. If they can see you haven't added photos this should have gave them a hint to be fair.

Again, what do you not understand? They were being rude so I gave them a taste of their medicine.

Don’t talk down to people if you aren’t willing to get back what you gave out.

I don’t agree, not from that appalling things that you have said on here to people who just answered the question that you asked.

Why did you asked if you didn’t want people’s views?

No, it isn’t dangerous in itself. You need to read the replies you’ve been given that detail it.
For a child to be identifiable online there needs to be more than 1 piece of data. So, a photo would need a full name, or address, or date of birth as a minimum to enable someone to search for that image. Your child really is not going to come to any harm by their photo being online. If it’s on a private Facebook page, it’s even safer.
You should think about what the real issue is. It sounds like you’re angry that no one asked your permission, and that’s fair enough and totally understandable. You have the right to be angry, but you also have the responsibility of informing your partner’s mother WHY you are angry. Your DP has the right to disagree with you. Your concerns about safeguarding are at best ill informed.
Once you’ve calmed down, please just speak to her. Explain that you don’t want any images of your baby posted online by anyone, that it makes you uncomfortable. You don’t actually need to explain any further. It’s your decision and they need to accept it.
From now on though, you also need to try to develop a positive relationship with your DPs family - after all, they will always be related to your baby!

This is really about ownership and control. You feel a need to assert that your baby is yours, no-one elses.

the fact that they didn’t ask permission from me or my partner that I have a massive issue with. More so than the protection thing. I find it disrespectful that we weren’t asked first.

This need for ownership and control over your newborn is a normal, hormonal response. I think it's particularly hard to feel in control if you are young. Hard to feel like you can assert yourself confidently around older women in particular. But please be assured that your mil means no harm. She's forgotten what it's like to be very young and to feel like no-one respects you.

Don't conflate this social media non-event with your emotions about ownership and control.

@StillHappy telling me to get a grip and calling me immature and irrational and making it out like I’m mentally ill just because my hormones are up in the air and I care about my child is not on. And I spoke to them how they spoke to me, that’s it.

most people have expressed their opinions without being rude, which I don’t have an issue with. Some have been rude so of course I’m going to speak back.

Nobody is doling out the insult and rudeness to the degree you are but like I said maybe the internet is not the place for you right now. I do hope you feel better soon.

Maybe it’s time to take some of your own advice. Is someone else taking care of your baby right now?

I wouldn't be OK with this.
It's your baby and having at the time not long been born you hardly knew baby yourself.
Your in-laws should have taken you home and let you and you partner get settled.
It's more the not asking permission that would piss me off let alone putting pictures on line, shows a lack of respect for you as baby's parent.
Can you see the pictures?
Report to FB and get the pictures removed as they were put up without your permission.

@StillHappy is that any of your business? She’s fed, changed and asleep. Christ.

Firstly OP, congratulations on your new baby.

I have to say though, you’re being very rude to posters on this thread, you’re painting a very poor picture of yourself. And yes, in your OP, you refer to your daughter as yours many more times than ours, so there was really no need to be rude to the poster who pointed this out.

If you don’t want photos of your baby online, then you should have made that very clear to everyone before your baby was born. So make sure they understand now and that’s it, be done with it.

I don't get why everyone is giving OP a hard time. She shouldn't have to justify why she feels uncomfortable having her baby viewed online by strangers. I do not have my baby online and do not allow others to post pictures of them either. I have never had a gone react poorly to me requesting to keep pictures private (I'm happy for them to show pics in person or even send directly to close friends/other family). I am a nurse and have seen plenty of child exploitation although the main reason I don't share is because it doesn't fit well with me.

Op- as you don't know PIL well could you ask your partner to ask them to remove it as politely as possible. They didn't mean anything unkind by it and are probably naive about the darker side of social media. They will get over it (they will have to!)

Thank you!

and if you’re referring to one person in particular, their replies were very passive aggressive. Im outwardly rude, while some people disguise it. Which is equally as bad.

Thank you for this! I agree strongly

I think unless you specifically said not too she wouldn't have seen an issue🤷🏻‍♀️Especially if she's used to airing all her life online.
You are going to have to speak to her and ask her to remove the pics/only post pics were you can't see the baby's face.

I’m not referring to one person in particular, you’ve been rude to many many people! Honestly, I’d leave this now, concentrate on your daughter and sorting out your family mess.

I'd be furious, you have my sympathy.