why do you send your child to boarding school?

[FunnysInLaJardin]

Not wishing to be inflammatory and not really an AIBU, but honestly wondering why any parent would at any age send their DC to boarding school.

Aside from forces children, why would you do it?

I have a colleague at work who is sending her child in year 9, and have known lots of kids and parents who have been, but to me as a parent it is unfathomable.

One colleagues daughter really wanted to go to day school here, and he wouldn't hear of it. It was boarding at all costs.

Aside from the sheer cost, doesn't the emotional apspect bother you? A school cannot parent a teen or child like a parent can.

Really interested in a different perspective

Only because you seem willing to discuss it, but do you feel that’s worth it?

Mine have flexi boarded from 7 years. It's been very good for them, great fun, good independence, get to do excellent things they'd not do otherwise, they do it because THEY have wanted to. They are happy, well adjusted and pretty self reliant.

OP didn’t ask to KNOW, rather they just wished to UNDERSTAND. Others are willing to give their insights, thoughts and experiences..but I see it’s touched a nerve with you. So it may be an idea for you to read through the impacts on boarders so maybe you can UNDERSTAND how your own DC feels 🤔

My mum wanted to send me to boarding school because she went to one and loved it. Said it was just like living in a wind blyton book with lacrosse and midnight feasts.
My grandpa was in the army and based in an unsafe location for his family (children) to accompany so that’s why she went as my nana went with my grandpa

I didn’t want to go so she didn’t push it.

one of my best friends during gcse and 6th form was a day pupil at a boarding school so through him I got to know lots of kids that boarded some were the children of semi / famous musicians so they boarded because their parents toured and travelled, some it’s just because their parents loved miles away but they wanted them to go to this school because it was a certain religious organisation and some just because it’s what their parents have decided. Some of them loved it and chose to stay as much as possible and some hated it

@Piglet89 - thanks for your lovely message xx

Above for @LesLavandes

but you aren't 'other'. I work with you and am curious to know why you do it

My BIL effectively boarded from 16 - 18. He was very very good at a sport (playing senior international at 14) and so he basically lived in a room at a sports centre so he could train close with the rest of the National squad. He did his A levels at the local comprehensive.

As children we went because the private school was too far to be a day student

I now have a 12 year old and couldn’t imagine it

‘They do foster independence,’

Foster? You mean force. That’s what happens when you take children away from their parents and place them in an institution. Regardless of whether that institution looks like Hogwarts or not.
theh toughen up, they learn to hide their emotions and get on with it.
The staff are paid to look after your children, it’s a job. they don’t love them, they don’t nurture them, they may not even then much.

Here is a non British perspective. In denmark its a really big thing for teenagers in y9 and/or 10 to go to boarding school for a year or 2. Its like a more closely supervised gap year. These schools have some sort of focus - Scouting, gaming, gymnastics, music, horseriding, creative arts etc. They come home regularly for the weekend. I've been saving since dc were born. Ds is not very keen on the idea (asd) but there are schools that specialise in disabilities. DD is v excited by the prospect. And because it's denmark Im sure there are subsidies. Certainly the more challenged are encouraged and the council will sometimes pay.

Shit just got real

My dad went to boarding school when he was about 8. My dad hated it, was bullied, is dyslexic so felt alone with his schoolwork as well.

One of his school bullies was on a TV show in the 80s when I was growing up which was strange.

I think the experienced damaged him in a way I cannot explain. I think at the core of it, he felt rejected and abandoned.

From when he was about 8 I meant...

Why are you suggesting friendship is a reason as an only? I have an only.... he's nothing like me personality wise he's extroverted and I'm one of 4 siblings and introverted.

I'm best friends with my cousin and she's also an extrovert and had a fab social network as an only child too.

I think only children tend to make themselves known!

I live in Spain, and one of my colleagues has 4 kids - when they reach year 6 of primary they send them to England to board for a year to bring their English level up. It would break my heart them being abroad so young (at any age tbh). Fortunately all 4 have loved it. The 4th child (only boy and definitely a bit of a baby) cried every day until October half term, but he had a very kind house master who made him football captain, and he made so many friends that he is now begging to stay!

Thanks all for your insight, this is a really interesting discussion and so glad it hasn't gone down the usual blame game lines.

The people I know who have boarded or sent their children away are really decent people, hence my desire to try to understand it.

I have however saved £££ by learning that exeat means half term and the school terms are Lent, Michaelmas and summer. I've told my DC to use these terms from now on and have acquired enviable social capital for them 😁

It didn't teach me much about sorting my life out once I left. I just wanted to roam free because I had lived with so many rules for so long and had no idea how to sort my life out without all these rules and people checking up on me. I have no idea how it would have been if I had stayed at home, maybe I would have been the same anyway ! After I left the boarding school institution I was just a mess. No discipline at all and wasted a few years of my life. I sorted myself out in the end, I guess.

😂I hope that my answer was theoretical tbh.

Unusual - but close to where we live there is a 'state' boarding school - parents pay only boarding costs not tuition and I think it is mostly Monday - Friday boarding . There are also day pupils there. People I have known who have attended there, both of my own generation and recent students seem to come from very 'normal' families . A friend's son attends at the moment - his choice .

Agree with others it's not what I would have wanted for my own DC though .

Exeat wasn't half term at my school. Exeat was when you went away for the weekend with your parents permission and you were not required at the 5 roll calls a day..

I went to Boarding School many moons ago- really enjoyed it, as did most of my friends.
My own DCs don't go but I know a fair few DCs of friends who do. Vast majority chose to go. (Were given the option to go to day schools).

It's not for everyone (ignoring the obvious extortionate cost) but lots of happy children board.

I went to a boarding school and loved it. I’m a pretty normal person. I’m really close to my parents and don’t have problems making friends. I think I’m a well rounded person.

I loved boarding, it was huge fun. This was years ago as well, no trauma for me.

Half term is half term and exeats are weekends...

I loved it too and chose it. Begged my parents in fact.
So fun to live with friends and grow together.