why do you send your child to boarding school?

[FunnysInLaJardin]

Not wishing to be inflammatory and not really an AIBU, but honestly wondering why any parent would at any age send their DC to boarding school.

Aside from forces children, why would you do it?

I have a colleague at work who is sending her child in year 9, and have known lots of kids and parents who have been, but to me as a parent it is unfathomable.

One colleagues daughter really wanted to go to day school here, and he wouldn't hear of it. It was boarding at all costs.

Aside from the sheer cost, doesn't the emotional apspect bother you? A school cannot parent a teen or child like a parent can.

Really interested in a different perspective

My ds special need school has part time boarding. We are very tempted to send him as 1. It will help with work as finding any after school nanny for an SEN child is almost impossible, 2. It will hopefully help us with accessing residential care at a later stage.

Someone I know has sent their 8 year old to board at a school where they nurture a special talent. I would consider it if my child was particularly good at a certain thing.

One of my colleagues went to a very prestigious boarding school as his parents worked all over the world. He is one of the nicest people I know. My half arsed comprehensive school education got us to the same place so I'm not sure if was entirely worth it.

I get that some people think its the best thing for their kids, but with a normal functioning family, I dont really understand why.

^ I wonder if it's quite rare. Most boarding kids I knew at university said they were there because their home life was basically being parented by a string of paid help and two very busy parents they rarely saw...so not what I consider to be a functioning family

I think it's great that's your son has the opportunity to prepare him for the next stage of his life, but I don't think this is the kind of boarding school the OP meant.

@Ahgoonyegirlye My son did really enjoy it though. We made it clear if at anytime he didn't like it that he didn't have to stay. It actually gave him a lot of confidence- we def aren't upper class-

You don't need to know the reasons. So leave us boarding school parents to it

@Lowcarbfest re "excellent pastoral care" I wouldn't be so sure. A close friend's DD at a reputationally top notch UK boarding school in the SW of the UK found out from her DD's friends rather than the school counselling service that she'd had suicidal ideation and been self harming. Parents are in another country.

When challenged the response was "well if the students knew we'd tell their parents they wouldn't tell us anything"

I can't imagine doing it. Smacks of cold, distant parents not really being that bothered about raising their kids or taking a daily interest in their lives or putting their own lifestyles above their kids by choosing to live abroad and have their kids board here.

However, I'm sure there are many good reasons for choosing boarding school on an individual child basis, but it wouldn't be for me.

Good question OP. Unless you hear from the kids as now adults that went to boarding school I doubt we will get a proper insight.

What's interesting from what I have read so far that parents are statinh their child suggested an idea and they went along will because apparently that's what they wanted!

If I agreed to everything my DS suggested I would be destitute not to mention run ragged ..

This, I hope, is the exception rather than the rule. Many children who attend all manner of schools have self harming issues. It's not necessarily because she was at boarding school, but I suspect having parents in a different country may have contributed.

I don't move in rarified circles and only know fairly well two people who went to boarding school (both men, in their 40s and 50s).

One of them was utterly traumatised by it and had a very distant relationship with his parents (both now dead) and sends his children to a London state comprehensive school.

The other has a very distant relationship with his parents and sent his son to state school until the G-parents stepped in and paid fees for the G-son to go to private 6th form. It didn't work out well for him there. Interestingly Dad is a HT in a private prep school and has been for years, I don't know if they have boarders there or not (probably do).

I dated an OE at university and am long term friends with others from his (scholarship) group as a result.

They were appallingly bullied and mistreated. The saddest thing is that some of them still can't see it and continue to work or socialize with the horribly damaged and over-privileged Boris Johnsons and similar from their peer group. It's like anything else would be too painful to deal with, including accepting that your own parents chose to cause you that pain.

I don't know a large number of people who have boarded. The few I know had parents who worked overseas or their jobs meant they had to travel often. I guess boarding meant some sort of stability.

Not a boarding parent yet, but will be looking round boarding and day schools with a view to 13+. Not sure at this stage what will suit best. I am considering boarding, as DC have interests that will inevitably take up a lot of evenings and possibly weekends, and easier logistically for them, for friendship as an only child, and for work reasons for me. Boarding schools have extremely long holidays, so not like it was when my father was sent across the world age 6 to board…

🙄

I chose to board at 12-13. So much fun!!

My DD has asked to go to boarding school since year 7. I've said no all the way through but she's applying for a scholarship for state boarding school for 6th form. So it probably is possible for children to want to go.

I worry about it if I'm honest but she's done her research and it will be Mon-Fri only if she's successful.

If he were successful, we’d like our son to have the chance to be a choral scholar at a cathedral school.

To do that, he must board. I wouldn’t send him if he didn’t like it, though!

I went to boarding school when I was six. My Mum died when I was three, and my Dad had to work full time. We didn’t have extended / any family close by. I think it broke my Dad’s heart, actually. It’s all very well to criticise other people’s parenting choices, but we don’t always know the struggle that has brought them to that very hard decision.

Boarding was and is quite common in the country I grew up in, due to large distances and rural communities. These can be state or fee paying schools.
I weekly boarded from age eight and there were some younger pupils. Mostly children of farmers.

I largely enjoyed it and it was my normal.

Some teens do better at boarding school, they're outgrowing home and being in a peer group with adults who are good with adolescents, and with lots of things to do, is more stimulating and fun for them than being at home arguing with mum and dad.

It certainly isn't right for everyone, but I find it odd that people find it odd that boarding works for some older kids. It's seems pretty obvious to me - being a teenager is a process of growing away from home.

It's tough for younger children. Some do OK, but it's to be avoided if at all possible.

TBF he is not yet 3 and already thinks we are boring old fogeys, I suspect.

It is just something I simply cannot imagine ever having done, except in some of the fairly specific sets of circumstances already mentioned on this thread.

Horses for courses perhaps, but it wasn't for us and we couldn't have afforded it anyway.

@Sistanotcista I’m so sorry your mum died so early in your life.

My dc both attend vocational ballet schools and their places are funded by the DfE through the music and dance scheme. They chose to go as they couldn’t access that level of training at home.

DH was sent to board aged 7, his parents were in Africa. He was lonely and so sad, his letters home made me cry. His parents are awful so it may have been a blessing but I could not do it to my child.
I think an older child might really enjoy it, especially if they’re sporty.