Do husbands support wives financially during maternity leave?

[DogsAndGin]

Hi everyone,

Pregnant with our first baby and starting to think about saving up and preparing for mat leave.

Currently, DH earns more than I do, and we spend the same proportion of our income on bills etc, and then the rest is ours to do with what we wish.

However, when I go onto mat leave, I will be getting about £800 a month on average across 12 months. If I am very careful, this will just about cover my direct debits and responsibilities, and will leave me with absolutely nothing at all for any spending money, birthdays and Xmas, trips out etc.

This will be too tight, so, looking at my options:

• I can’t save anything in advance (every spare penny is going on home renovations).
• I don’t have a job where I can get any overtime or bonuses.
• I could sell my car (would probably get £2000, plus save on insurance, tax, mot, fuel).

DH’s income will remain largely the same throughout baby’s first year, as he’ll only take two weeks paternity leave.

So, my very naive questions! -

For those of you in the same situation, (married/cohabiting and both full time employed) - is there a way families tend to make this inequality in loss of earnings fairer?

Do husbands tend to support their wives financially during mat leave?

Neither of us want to put baby into nursery during their first year, and I don’t think that would be cost effective anyway.

DH refuses to take more than 2 weeks paternity leave, so we can’t split the leave (and loss of earnings) that way. Both he and I want for me to stay with the baby for the first year.

Erm, yes, it's both of yours baby?! We pay both salaries into joint account and everything is shared. We then take out a little each into our 'single' accounts for things like presents.

So it's not his income and my income and my baby. It's our income and our baby.

Yes, they absolutely should step up financially.
My DH put my share in our joint account while I was on maternity leave and made sure we had equal spending money.

Of course he does (unless he's a financially abusive twat) - you're caring for your joint baby! This shouldn't even be a question which makes me concerned that you even have to ask.

Surely this is a conversation to have with your husband. I personally would say save most kf your pay and just live on his before the baby comes to ease it a bit. Definitely need to have the financial talk though.

Of course he needs to support you both, whatever next!

We don't have 'his' and 'hers' money - we have 'our' money.

We are a family so we pool our resources together. Both incomes go into one joint account and then all bills are paid from that account, including savings. What is left is our spending money.

Sometimes he has earned more than me, sometimes I have earned more. We have both had spells at being SAHPs and part time. Currently I earn far more than him. We don't regard it as one of us supporting the other, but as us both providing for our family together.

You are having a child together - its not your sole financial responsibility but a joint one. You need to re-think your approach.

Its family money. After baby comes, both parents disposable income reduces... childcare and baby stuff, not to mention maternity leave.

We just had a joint account that all money went into and bills came out from there. So if less money went in we just made sure we weren't overspending. All personal spending came out of the same account, we are both fairly sensible with money though, any big purchases would be discussed first.

The baby belongs to both of you so why should only you feel the burden? What about baby costs (clothes, toys etc)? You need to make sure you're not going to get lumbered with nursery costs when baby is older.

Family money is family money and it all goes into one pot in our house. Alternatively keep your own separate finances but do proportional split of bills etc. that leaves you each with equal spending money every month. Any set up where he has plenty of disposable income whilst you’re selling your car to buy nappies is financial abuse.

Yes, absolutely, ask yourself if you were in each others positions what would you do? you wouldn’t be taking any time off work if you weren’t carrying your joint baby.

Erm, of course they do! You’re both having a child.

The way we do finances is both our wages go into a joint account and all bills go out of that account and savings come out of that account. Savings are joint.

we then have a joint spending account for food, days out together and then we individually get some spending money into our personal accounts to spend however we want.

On maternity leave, we looked at how much the overall budget was decreasing and reduced saving / spending equally.

Essentially, it all becomes family money - otherwise what are going to do when paying for stuff for the baby?

FWIW I’m the higher earner.

We have a joint account and both our wages go in it. We both spend it as needed.

Yea of course. One bank account we both use. Have you not had this conversation with him?

Of course he should!

Well yes of course! Ever since we moved in together we've had a joint account. We put our salaries in there and spend from there. All our bills come out from there too. I'm on mat leave and I just spend what I need / want. I have the banking app on my phone so I can see what's going on, as does DH. There's no his/my money - it's completely joint.

I’m always mystified when couples keep their finances separate and pay a percentage into a pot then keep the rest. Surely this puts the woman at financial disadvantage when she has children.

We’ve been married 25 years and pooled our finances straight away, with joint accounts in standing orders, every day accounts and saving accounts. We’ve always been a team. It seems so divisive to do anything other than that.

That said, my husband is fair, supportive and a top bloke. I know not all men are like this and maybe that is why people keep their money separate, but many women have no chance of supporting themselves by doing this.

You are having his baby!!!!! Of course he should support you!

Yes, all our money goes in to one account and all bills come out of this. We each transfer the same amount to our own personal account each month for spending, so yes DH will pick up the shortfall when I move to unpaid maternity leave.

Yes of course he should cover more of the costs.

If you've been paying household costs in proportion to income so far then you could always adjust that in line with your mat leave pay.

While you're sorting this out, make sure you discuss how childcare will be paid for too - he should be paying at least half of that too.

I paid for everything. We're now divorced.

I find these questions hard to understand because to me it feels obvious that your DH should spend less of their salary on pointless crap their own interests and more on the family needs as it is his baby too.

In my marriage we had family money - and that was it. Bills are paid first, savings second, spending money is also just pooled and spent on what we (jointly or individually) need or fancy.

@Waffledoggysmother

It can be done fairly. We don't have a joint account but we work as a team and make sure we're both able to save and have our own money for discretionary spending.

Family money and if you missing pension contributions on mat leave then they come out of family money too
Surely that is why he is your legal husband? Or is it it someone else s baby?

Absolutely, all costs related to the baby are shared, including loss of earnings. Even then it doesn't compensate you for the time lost in growing your career, or the pension hit. And if your dh earns more, then I wouldn't split the costs/loss of earnings 50/50 as the 50 percent you pay will be a higher share of your disposable income than his.

Please PLEASE tell me you are not already pregnant...
This question shouldn't need to be asked. It's both of your baby. So maternity leave loss of income is for both of you to deal with.
We have a joint account. Salaries go into our own accounts and we transfer an amount over relative to each of our (very different) earnings. I put in very little during maternity leave. Some months I earn more, so I put extra in.
We had a joint account from when we bought a house but still kept some things financially separate, but when we started a family that's just not possible anymore.
Everything is shared, savings, income whatever.