Do husbands support wives financially during maternity leave?

[DogsAndGin]

Hi everyone,

Pregnant with our first baby and starting to think about saving up and preparing for mat leave.

Currently, DH earns more than I do, and we spend the same proportion of our income on bills etc, and then the rest is ours to do with what we wish.

However, when I go onto mat leave, I will be getting about £800 a month on average across 12 months. If I am very careful, this will just about cover my direct debits and responsibilities, and will leave me with absolutely nothing at all for any spending money, birthdays and Xmas, trips out etc.

This will be too tight, so, looking at my options:

• I can’t save anything in advance (every spare penny is going on home renovations).
• I don’t have a job where I can get any overtime or bonuses.
• I could sell my car (would probably get £2000, plus save on insurance, tax, mot, fuel).

DH’s income will remain largely the same throughout baby’s first year, as he’ll only take two weeks paternity leave.

So, my very naive questions! -

For those of you in the same situation, (married/cohabiting and both full time employed) - is there a way families tend to make this inequality in loss of earnings fairer?

Do husbands tend to support their wives financially during mat leave?

Neither of us want to put baby into nursery during their first year, and I don’t think that would be cost effective anyway.

DH refuses to take more than 2 weeks paternity leave, so we can’t split the leave (and loss of earnings) that way. Both he and I want for me to stay with the baby for the first year.

What, does he think you should take the whole financial hit of having a baby?
As everyone else has said, once you have DC, it all becomes family money. Bills and expenses get paid out of whatever income there is, then the balance can be split jointly between you.
Or if he doesn't like that, does he want to pay you a nanny's wage?

Your whole way of thinking about this - or rather your husband's - is so wrong.

You are having a baby - something your DH can't do. So your "loss" of income over your maternity should be seen as a family loss of income. No way should your DH expect you to contribute by selling your car, or digging into your savings.

You put your DH's salary together with your maternity pay, and THAT is your family income. That's the income from which you pay bills, ad you each get an EQUAL amount of money for personal spending.

And your personal spending has NOTHING to do with anything your joint baby needs - so it's not your sole responsibility to buy nappies, childcare etc. These are all FAMILY costs.

Do not get into thinking that as you're the one having the baby, you need to cover all the costs.

How you and your DH cover all family costs while your income is reduced because you are doing something you both want, but only you can do, is a joint decision.

If your DH starts talking about "his" money and expecting you to take the financial hit of you both having a child, then LTB. <sort-of a joke, but not>

Yes, men should financially support the woman having their child. You should not be thinking about solely saving your cash to make up for your perceived shortfall, and definitely don’t sell your car.

Your contribution is the gestation and the baby. He should want to support you and make your life easier. You’ve picked a wrong one if he’s desperate to keep things as 50/50. It won’t be 50/50 for the next year, at least.

They should pay a much higher proportion of the bills and rent. And if there is disposable income- they should be generous with it. Ie. paying for their partner’s highlights, if that’s what she usually gets done when she gets paid, or not complaining if she puts a lunch with a NCT friend on the joint account.

Some woman are forced to live like paupers on mat leave whilst their ‘partner’ continues to order shit from Amazon and go down the pub. It’s not kind and it’s not normal.

Madness. Of course he should be covering more. Ask him how he plans to cover the bills you usually cover while you are on mat leave.

me and dh saved in my account before and through each pregnancy, so those savings plugged the gap in my income.

what is the plan for after mat leave?

Keep your car keep your mobility. More options to go places with baby.
Decide with dh which renovation to cut back on if you need more joint money for the baby

Is it not his child?

When I was on mat leave I got 6 weeks full pay, 8 weeks half pay and then 6 months SMP.
Once I was on half pay and SMP I bought the food shop every week and ran my car, and DH paid for everything else.

What? How is this even a question? You’re a family now. All earnings/mat payments/child benefits etc go into one account. Essential bills go out first. Other payments (eg non essential items for the baby) get discussed and agreed upon. Whatever’s left over gets split. Is your oh saying he’s not contributing to his child and it’s mother while she has to stop working to give birth and take care of them?

I'm currently on maternity leave and the idea of how much each of us should pay never even crossed my mind. We just looked at what our household income would be over the course of the year and budgeted appropriately. We are a family, it's our money.

Yes of course! Is he suggesting otherwise?

We’ve actually pooled all our income ever since we got married, we both keep back a small amount each month to spend on ourselves but everything else is paid out of the joint account.

I still find this so weird.

When we got married, we made a joint account. everything we earn goes into it. All of the bills, food shopping, transport etc comes out of it.

Each partner takes the same amount per month for spending money / non essentials as appropriate based on total household income i.e. £150 or whatever.

Whatever is left is savings for home improvements / holidays / investments etc.

Husband will have less spending money and he will pay for the shortfall. The money should be put into one pot really and seen as both yours. This 50-50 stuff is more if you are boyfriend/girlfriend. Married or have children together it's a joint account and both your money, in my book.

Is this Just you thinking aloud or has he implied he will not support you? I hope the former otherwise you should not be having a baby with this man

You're both becoming parents not just you so of course he should support you. This is not just your baby but your career will take the hit by having a maternity break not his. Your income and pensions contributions will be reduced not his. The question is what will he bring to your new joint role as parents.

We put it all in the joint account and both have the same amount of “spare” money in our own accounts so we split what’s left after the bills are paid 50:50.

Of course fathers support the mother of their child on maternity leave. The baby, and it’s care, is as much of a joint expense as a mortgage or new kettle. Or look at shared parental leave?

Exactly the same situation here.

This.

Jesus how have you not had this conversation prior to deciding to have a child together?!

I get really frustrated with people who get this far into a relationship where they’re now actually expecting a baby, and they still haven’t even discussed the basics of what they’re going to do regarding money etc. Whats going to happen if he says to
you ‘no, I’m not contributing more. You’re taking the entire financial hit from loss of earnings. Plus you’re paying for everything for the baby’? Have you even discussed the contribution of the workload? If he’s being unreasonable and tight with money, then there’s every chance he’s not going to be helping practically either

Why on earth has the thought of selling your car even crossed your mind? It’s his child, you are a family, there should be no question that he should step up and pay for family expenses.

Yes, he needs to support you. And you should both have equal spending money.

What they all said. Plus how come he won't take more than 2 weeks paternity leave?

Doesn't he want to take some time to bond with the baby and do his share of caring for him/her?

What if you have a difficult birth or C-section? You might find it a struggle to be on your own all day after just two weeks when he goes back to work.

Yes, my DH transferred me a lump sum that covered my downfall contribution to the joint account and a bit extra for baby classes / coffee shop dates.

We're married so all our money is joint. Both salaries into joint account, mortgage bills food childcare savings etc paid from that. We used to split anything left down the middle for spending but after kids now tbh we just both spend from joint acc and trust neither of us going to take the piss/buy something really expensive without checking with the other. We're a family so any income is family income. I actually earn more so mat leave was abit of a struggle on just his salary but we had savings to dip into and managed fine.

You need to have a Frank discussion with your husband about finances. If u choose to keep them separate then he absolutely should support you during mat leave. But then what happens after with nursery, baby stuff etc?