Can’t cope anymore

[WorryMcGee]

I don’t know why I had a baby. It’s awful. I fed her three hours ago, did all the things they say like pausing for winding and not over feeding and staying upright for one hour after and none of it matters, she’s still bringing it up and choking. Gaviscon did nothing except constipate her, omeprazole does nothing, she’s not allergic to dairy, I’ve changed formula three times and that did nothing. Health visitor says feed her every two hours instead of every 3/4, well that’s bollocks as she is still vomiting, screeching, grunting and choking now three hours on, so how the hell can I feed her even more frequently. I can’t put her to bed despite the cot being so fucking tilted it’s almost vertical so I guess I will have to stay up all night every night until she potentially grows out of it. Everyone will say cosleep - I don’t want to, it’s dangerous and I won’t sleep properly for worrying I’ll squash her. I just want to run away, I’ve ruined my life. It’s a good thing she has a good dad so she has one decent parent. This isn’t PND it’s just the realisation that I’ve fucked my life up and there’s no going back now.

Awww. Sleep deprived 😴

How do you know she definitely hasn't got a milk allergy? She's very young to rule that out? Lactose intolerance?

Does she like music? Pushing her back and forth in her pram whilst singing lullabies or playing them?

Early teether?

How did they rule out an intolerance?

She’s 6 weeks old on Tuesday. I can’t put her in the pram because the pram involves lying her flat. She has normal nappies, feeds okay, skin is fine, doesn’t have tummy ache etc, she just can’t be anything except upright. Even then she’s still sick. And I can’t deal with that anymore.

Oh bless you OP, it does sound hellish.

But A/. you have not fucked your life up. This too shall pass; she won't be a baby for long. And B/. you can cope and you will cope. You have no choice because the alternatives are worse.

Can your partner take over all night time feeds/care for a couple of nights? I know it won't fix your baby's issue but it's sounds like you do need a good rest.

I had this with my third baby. I would feed him and leave him upright for an hour and then as soon as he was flat he’d start to regurgitate again. Even if I kept him upright for 2 hours and then lay him down. I wasn’t getting more than 45 mins sleep in a row and I was demented. In the end I put him on a wedge pillow so he was slightly tilted and slept him on his side. I pushed the cot right up against the bed so I could sleep face to face with him. I know babies should sleep on their backs but honestly once I put him on his side he was so much better. Also at about 12 weeks he suddenly grew out of it. Went from hardly any sleep to decent chunks overnight. It’s utterly horrendous when you’re in the middle of it though.

www.facebook.com/groups/1426119087693289/?ref=share

www.facebook.com/groups/refluxinbabies/?ref=share

If on fb check these groups out for support x

My husband has gone in to be with her now. He’s had covid so has been sleeping in the spare room the last three nights. He can cope with this so much better than I can, I’m so shit at this and should never have done it.

6 weeks was the worse. Crying in the dark that they only cried because they hated me. I really believed on those nights that they waited for me to lie down and then cried just to spite me.

Its hell atm but I swear, it should get better soon. You're in the deepest bit of it now.

You haven't ruined your life and she has two wonderful parents. You just need sleep and to not smell of sick to realise it x

My husband doesn’t struggle to cope like I do. I didn’t even want to pick her up just now. I’ve been wearing her in a sling all day, I’m constantly covered in sick, I just didn’t want to pick her up. She’ll want feeding again in thirty fucking minutes and the whole sorry cycle will start again

Sorry you’re feeling so bad right now. You must be seriously sleep deprived and it’s impossible to be rational on zero rest. Take up any offers of help to help you recharge. You sound like a caring and concerned mum who is very strung out by the circumstances. Hopefully mums of relfuxy babies will offer lots of helpful advice and you can all get more sleep soon.

This bit is finite. Babies do grow up. You can get through this bit horrible and stressful though it is. Drop all expectations and just do what's necessary to ensure you have food, water, sleep, some social contact with other mums who are supportive.

It doesn't feel like it but it is a matter of counting down the days. You will get through this.

Things will change in time, you’ll feel differently one day. Just take all the support you can get at the moment to help you get some rest and time off as sounds quite relentless,. It’s all trial and error with parenthood, hope you find something that settles her soon

Your husband didn't have his body invaded and then have a baby either squeezed out through a small hole or cut from him. He isn't full of stupid bloody hormones. He's not been carrying her all day. I bet he's had a shower more recently or at least had less sick puked at him. Bet he's had more sleep too. Your husband can "cope" because he's not doing what you are and hasn't been through what you have. So let him cope. Go and get a shower. He can feed her and keep her upright.

I know how you feel, as in I really do KNOW! That's why I'm not having a second child. Ever.

DS grew out of his reflux by the time he was 4 months old but I just wanted to share 2 things;

looking back now from 3 years on, Co sleeping saved us - all of us! Still doing it most nights and baby didn't get squashed and it is not dangerous when done properly, and 2, I did have PND even though I was shouting from the rooftops for nearly TWO YEARS that I wasn't depressed, I just needed to have my old life back. I was sobbing most nights in the bathroom for the first 6 month thinking how the hell do I get out of it...

Not a peep of criticism from me, OP, just my experience. And I know that you are rolling your eyes and probably seething a quiet " do fuck off" when reading my post but if it feels too overwhelming, please ask for help. 💐

No matter what you think right now, you are doing an amazing job. You have a tricky baby and anyone would struggle.

Be kind to yourself. It really will get better. If someone had offered to adopt my DD at the same age, I would have just handed her over. Being a new parent is hard, so so hard. Sending you warm hugs and support

It really will pass. Mine was the same. I couldn't understand how he was gaining weight when all he did was bring up milk. It was a lot of laundry and I was producing muslins like magicians handkerchiefs everywhere I went.

I rode it out and also let him sleep on his side like a PP mentioned as he was more comfortable this way. The second I felt confident he could sleep on his front safely I did.

One day I noticed I hadn't changed his outfit that day and wasn't using any muslins. It just stopped. I think he was about 4 months. Her belly muscles haven't developed properly yet but they will and one day you'll just notice that she's not doing it anymore.

Not sure what formula baby is on but Aptamil anti reflux for my DS was a game changer - we’d had 3 months of similar carry on to you and a GP suggested this belfry trying medication. You’ll need a larger teat size for the bottle as it’s for a thickening agent in it but other than that - mix it up as normal (we use perfect prep machine). Good luck - those early days are such hard work - keep ploughing on with each day x

Try to live in the moment without involving the past and future. Things feel worse when you are thinking 'it's always like this' as opposed to 'it's hard right now' or 'it's easier right now' . It will get easier you just have to get through this bit. Things that helped us -
Gaviscon
Ranitidine
Tilted cot
Feeding on demand
Sleeping shifts - I slept 7pm -1am and dh slept 1am - 7am. On a weekend we each got a lie in till 10,
Cutting dairy and soya out.

Is your let down too strong I wonder, i.e. flow is so fast it's too much for her to cope with?

Ah sorry if you're not breastfeeding

We had this 6 months ago and was told it was definitely not a dairy intolerance and it was. It also turned out that our gp wasn't prescribing enough reflux medication either. I feel your pain. During those first two months I considered putting my dc up for adoption because I couldn't cope any more but it got better and he's a happy fella now settled on his proper formula and the right dose of medication

I can hear her screaming downstairs and I don’t want to go. My poor husband is working from home so I really do need to get up and deal with it so he can work but I don’t want to. I want my old life back.

I’m not breastfeeding. I tried absolutely everything for a month, lactation consultants, shields, pumping, nothing worked - she wouldn’t latch, wasn’t gaining weight, I got mastitis and now there’s barely any milk there. So I couldn’t even do that right.

OP, I know you don’t believe it right not but I promise this will not last.

My daughter was exactly the same, I wanted to die and there were times I couldn’t be near here. There is a reason sleep deprivation is a form of torture.

There is obviously something not right, please see a different GP and really push for more investigation or different meds. If she’s sick after every feed it’s no wonder she’s hungry again so soon, they need to take you seriously.

It’s horrific, it really is - you know because you’re living it, but it will pass. She will sleep, things will get easier but until then you need lots of support. Do you have any family or friends that could come over to mind her while your DH works and you sleep?

You need support, you need to sleep. And you sound like an incredible mum, you wouldn’t be posting if you weren’t x