Can’t cope anymore

[WorryMcGee]

I don’t know why I had a baby. It’s awful. I fed her three hours ago, did all the things they say like pausing for winding and not over feeding and staying upright for one hour after and none of it matters, she’s still bringing it up and choking. Gaviscon did nothing except constipate her, omeprazole does nothing, she’s not allergic to dairy, I’ve changed formula three times and that did nothing. Health visitor says feed her every two hours instead of every 3/4, well that’s bollocks as she is still vomiting, screeching, grunting and choking now three hours on, so how the hell can I feed her even more frequently. I can’t put her to bed despite the cot being so fucking tilted it’s almost vertical so I guess I will have to stay up all night every night until she potentially grows out of it. Everyone will say cosleep - I don’t want to, it’s dangerous and I won’t sleep properly for worrying I’ll squash her. I just want to run away, I’ve ruined my life. It’s a good thing she has a good dad so she has one decent parent. This isn’t PND it’s just the realisation that I’ve fucked my life up and there’s no going back now.

And to top it all off I’ve just shouted at my poor husband because he gets to go to work and I don’t

Those early weeks are so so tough!! The sleep deprivation and absolutely no breaks make it seem so bleak!! It WILL get better I absolutely promise you.
Our baby was not quite as extreme perhaps but we were dealing with endless amounts of sick, changing cot sheets multiple times a night and baby screaming until the early hours. Baby is 6 months now and it's all calmed down. Baby goes down to sleep in his cot quite happily at 7 and no more sick. It seems like the worst thing ever but it will pass!!

My baby is just over a year old now and she was just like yours. For us it was a really rough few weeks at first until her sleep improved a bit then that made it all more manageable really because I could sleep more. She still vomited frequently until she was nearly a year old. We have about 30 muslin cloths.

I have friends whose babies never puke and they don’t get it!

I really hope it eases up soon op.

I'm so sorry you're going through all this.
We had a similar experience with reflux.
No matter how long we'd have DS upright he'd vomit.
Even at the hospital and post natal ward. Midwives literally told me they didn't know what was wrong with him but he needs to eat for his jaundice and force feeding him as he'd keep vomiting it up.

Weeks later we went to the hospital and paediatrics told me he was vomiting cos he was being overfed and to restrict his milk no matter how much he cries for 48h to see if it fixes it.

Thank god we had a veteran HV who was scheduled to come for a standard check in thing the next morning. She was horrified. She recommended anti reflux milk (which worked miracles for us) and then we got gaviscon - at first had to take 2 sachets at a time, then down to one, then just reflux milk.

He grew out of it eventually and over time it got better, but those weeks before finding a solution and nothing working (keep him upright after feeds, tilt his cot etc). was some of the worst weeks of my life.

My eldest son was a projectile vomiter. Nothing I could do as a tiny valve sticks so milk comes back up. Feed every 2-3 hours. Not too much. Keep baby upright. I used to put son in bouncy chair. Once he got to about 7 months it improved a lot. I know it is gross when your baby vomits over you 6 or 7 times a day. I used to keep about 10 T shirts downstairs and swop them over. Shower when DH came home. You will get through it. Just remember baby can't help it and it can't be nice for her to vomit but it does not hurt her either.

Maybe the idea was to feed her a smaller amount every 2 hours? To be fair mine fed so much when they were really little can't imagine leaving it 3 hours.

Neither of my Dc would lie flat in the pram, used sling or the car seat on the pram base. They both sat very early so that was a relief 😬

Sleep deprivation is hard.

Hi OP, I was not long ago in your position and it really is AWFUL. My son has silent reflux and CMPA (no typical cmpa symptoms) and what has helped was getting his tongue tie cut which is a big cause of reflux because of air intake, finding the right amino acid milk, cranial sacral therapy sessions and omeprazole. If the omeprazole is not working after a week or so then the dose should be increased as it’s weight dependant, I just increased my sons again today. Rockabyereflux on Instagram is brilliant for help and advice and there is a silent reflux group on Facebook which has been sooo much help too. Try take as much help as you can and just focus on getting through the day, no one understands how soul destroying it is until they experience it them self x

GP said it was worth trying prescription formula even though there are no symptoms of CPMI except the reflux. I went and picked it up. First ingredient - glucose syrup. Second ingredient - palm oil. I can’t bring myself to feed her that shite. Of course, if I’d been able to breastfeed I could have just cut out dairy but seeing as I failed at that it seems her only option (if it is an intolerance) is a powder made up of absolute crap.

Feeding every two hours just means more screaming because the bottle has barely anything in it and more vomit. It doesn’t do anything to solve the problem

When you’re in the thick of this it’s awful and you can’t see an end in sight. People told me ‘it gets better at 6/12/16 weeks etc’ and it just didn’t get better. I clung onto those milestones and when each one passed with no improvement I felt betrayed and so desperate. My DS is now 3.5 and completely fine. There was never any reason found for the vomiting. We used to change his clothes 10 times a day, and he would still always be covered in sick. He didn’t sleep for longer than 2 hours until he was 10 months old. I’ve since had another baby and can see why I struggled so much with DS - it was hard! If I could go back in time and tell myself anything it would be to stop looking at milestones and stop looking at possible diagnoses. Instead look at survival and know that it will pass one day. Survival can mean hello fresh, COOK, family or nursery taking them for one day a week, a cleaner, dog walkers etc. All cost money but in hindsight we should have taken out a loan to make that period of time easier.

You’ll be doing an amazing job.

I don’t want to give her this horrible nutramigen stuff. I really really don’t. If this was an allergy I’d see other symptoms, wouldn’t I?

you didn’t fail at anything. you sound like you’re doing as well as you possibly can.

6 weeks is fucking brutal, I went to a very dark place when DS was a newborn as I found it really hard to cope. I hated people saying it gets better as I couldn't see how it would, it felt like they didn't understand the despair and were being flippant; but it does. Reach out to people you trust, tell them what you need and honestly I'd try the formula. I know it's horrible when they're newborn and I hate a lot of guilt and feelings around feeding, but it might help. They do all end up eating shite anyway at some point even with the best will in the world- they'll be fine on it.

You're doing an amazing job. You're a wonderful mother. Try and remember that, even when it's hard. Shitty parents don't post on websites asking for help, shitty parents don't worry and stress, shitty parents generally don't think they're shitty parents.

I wish I could advise, but I can't, I just feel bad for you because it must be so hard. I really struggle on little sleep, so I brought my youngest dc into the bed on occasion, eventually I caved in and I bought a cocoon thing (Amazon £60),and it's fantastic! It's like it's on little self contained bed for baby, that I just put in between myself and dp. Even my midwife couldn't fault it.

Op, I just wanted to say that 6 weeks was my absolute low point with DC1. I hadn't properly bonded with him, I was sleep deprived, I was miserable and wasn't coping. It was silent reflux so not the same issue but I know how you feel. All I can say is it gets better. I know 3 months might as well be 3 years at this point, but just hang on in there. By 3 months things were much better, and at 3 I adore DS and things are so much better.

Sorry you’re struggling, OP.

You say you’re not experiencing PND but much of what you are saying are flags for PND. It’s nothing to be ashamed of and the lack of sleep will not be helping your mental health/wellbeing.

I feel you and how relentless this is - my youngest had CMPA, reflux, colic, tongue tie - just screamed and vomited all the time for the first few months. Eventually things improved with dairy free and gaviscon and a tongue tie cut, but they would have been much more manageable with some mental health support. I also used a soft stretchy caboo sling to keep them upright after feeds which helped.

Try the prescription formula to see if it helps, and make a GP appt for some mental health support.

I couldn’t read and run. My son had CMPA (grew out of it around 11mnths)

some things that it might help to consider (likely none of this will be news to you, and I’m sorry if it’s not helpful)

a. Formula is very highly regulated- the content of nutramigen has been assessed and tested to the hilt by professionals who have the best interests of babies and the humans they grow into top of mind. Try not worry about it being “horrible stuff” - you aren’t feeding her findus crispy pancakes at 6 weeks old!

b. Your post reminded me of the way I would talk about certain choices when my son was tiny “I can’t do X because I have failed/it will not be good for him/it’s not perfect” - in retrospect this mainly happened when I got close to putting my own needs near the to do list. The absolute number one thing that your DD needs is a mother who isn’t losing her mind. If this formula might help you reset your baseline and regain some control, don’t let a falsified view of “perfect” be the enemy of good.

c. no, you wouldn’t necessarily see a constellation of symptoms. We only had one symptom, and my mother etc assured me it was “normal” and that we would “grow out of it”. Trust your gut - this isn’t normal.

sending you huge hugs - this is really really hard.

He's coping better because he's not had her attached to him in a sling all day and he's had 3 days in the spare room. Anyone could be superdad under those conditions!!

Ever day, things will get a little bit better as she gets older. This is just what babies do - you're a great mum. A terrible mum wouldn't care, and wouldn't be tearing her hair out trying to soothe her baby. You're doing great. I know you don't believe me but you are.

Please try the formula. Yes it stinks, but if she is allergic this stuff will be so much gentler on her stomach than normal formula.

You've not failed. I was breastfeeding and dairy free and still needed this formula for my son.

My daughter had awful reflux. It got to the point that I actually slept in her sick more than once as I was so exhausted. The only thing that worked for us was carobel. I tried on the recommended dosage for a few days which didn't work and the GP suggested we double it. Wasn't keen on the idea but she was a different baby after the first night. It was literally like thick soup and washing the bottles was a nightmare but she was very rarely sick after that

I would try the prescription formula, at this point you've nothing to lose. She will only be having such a small amount and as others have said it's very strictly regulated and it won't harm her. It could be the breakthrough you need.
You absolutely haven't failed. Breastfeeding doesn't always work out, it's just nature, not a failure on your part at all. Millions of babies have formula and thrive perfectly well. You are beating yourself up unnecessarily.
You need some support, I wish I could suggest something. If you want to share where you're from I could try and look online for you.

You need to see a GP. Could be something else, my brother had a pyloric stenosis and was like this. My mum had PND due to it all. Back to the doc. This doesn't sound right

Hi op

• I know you've tried different formula but have you thought about the Kendamil (not organic version). My dc is 6 months old and for some reason the organic kendamil did not agree with him at all but the normal kendamil worked much better.

• again we had mam bottles and sorry they did not work at all, I would buy Dr Browns.

• aswell as using infacol at every feed you can also buy Dentinox anticolic drops to add to the feed, again works wonders.

• it is worse speaking to your GP regarding your mood also honestly.

• are you using a dummy because this can help them to practice swallowing and sucking which can help to keep milk down.

• are you pacing the feeds so taking bigger breaks in between.

You may feel so alone but you are not and honestly things will settle but this is no help to you now. You need a break and sleep first and foremost. What family support do you have?