Can’t cope anymore

[WorryMcGee]

I don’t know why I had a baby. It’s awful. I fed her three hours ago, did all the things they say like pausing for winding and not over feeding and staying upright for one hour after and none of it matters, she’s still bringing it up and choking. Gaviscon did nothing except constipate her, omeprazole does nothing, she’s not allergic to dairy, I’ve changed formula three times and that did nothing. Health visitor says feed her every two hours instead of every 3/4, well that’s bollocks as she is still vomiting, screeching, grunting and choking now three hours on, so how the hell can I feed her even more frequently. I can’t put her to bed despite the cot being so fucking tilted it’s almost vertical so I guess I will have to stay up all night every night until she potentially grows out of it. Everyone will say cosleep - I don’t want to, it’s dangerous and I won’t sleep properly for worrying I’ll squash her. I just want to run away, I’ve ruined my life. It’s a good thing she has a good dad so she has one decent parent. This isn’t PND it’s just the realisation that I’ve fucked my life up and there’s no going back now.

Just to add it does sound on the extreme end of things so as pp highlighted force your GP to consider other things and do an extensive checkup.

If baby throws up a lot I would bring her to A&E to see if there's anything they could check additionally.

Finally got to the end of the thread. Have you had a dr check for pyloric stenosis? I really think it's needs more investigation than the opinion of your nurse friend.

Also. My first baby had CMPA, also soya allergy too. I was lucky I could BF, but cutting it out of your diet is actually really difficult because it seems to be in everything that isn't an apple I think you really should try the prescription formula, as others have said it's highly regulated and safe for your baby. I think your strong feelings about it are influenced by how stressful and difficult the situation is for you right now. My DD had the severe reflux symptoms but no other signs of an allergy. I think if you try the formula and it is CMPA then you'll see a difference in your baby really quickly.
I also have friends who used this formula and their babies are all happy, heathy things. Please don't worry about the giving her this formula, if it's what she needs then it's what she needs.

I'd try the formula. The ingredients are insignificant compared to how it might help. And if after a couple of weeks there's still no change then you can revisit switching again. Ive had a quick read for you and lots of parents who have been prescribed that formula have seen improvements within 3 days. If after those three days there's been absolutely no change I would demand (from GP or a&e if you have to) that they check for pyloric stenosis.
What's the babies weight gain like? Were you signed off by the midwife?
I think it's time for you to sleep in the spare bed tonight and your DH should try and take the morning off tomorrow and you can be together as a family.
Sending all the positive, non-sicky, thoughts your way xx

three GPs have checked for pyloric stenosis, it isn’t that.

Remember this is a phase. It will pass.

you are very tired and you sound to me like you need a good nights sleep or even two. You’d be surprised the difference it can make.

having a child who was similarly sickly (not as severe as you describe) I did my research and ended up giving the ready made cartons, this was helpful because the ingredients are further broken down by the sterilisation process. I think it was the proteins? It helped enormously.

also to soothe your child’s tummy please consider giving a few drops of peppermint tea using a little pipette. Buy organic, make it as usual then wait until it is Luke warm. This was a lifesaver for me. They do it in other countries but here they recommend medicines that have E numbers in.

I also purchased something that broke the enzymes down in the milk. It was quite expensive at the time and I can’t remember the name but I’m sure someone on here will know.

All she has done since 6pm is scream. I’ve walked 8 miles today I can’t walk any more. Unless it’s off a cliff perhaps.

Give her the formula and also add carobel to it. That's what had for my little one and within a couple of days she was a different baby. It did take a day or 2 for her to get used to the taste but it worked wonders for her. She grew out of her allergy at 11 months, she's now 2 and absolutely fine

I am so so sorry. My baby was like this although not as bad.
she went on Althera hydrolysed formula (not as gross as nutramigen) and baby nexium and those two things saved my life.
also she could not lay on her back so I slept on her side. Soon she rolled over and was much happier on her tummy.

It's so hard. My two would just scream from 7-9pm every evening. It was a witching hour and would stop. It was horrible, but it did pass.

Honestly I would go to A&E and ask for a referral to the hospital’s infant feeding team if they have one. I know it’s not an emergency per se but my GPs were so unhelpful, I ended up going to the hospital so many times I’m sure they began to recognise me, thinking here she comes again with the screaming baby! Like I said one Dr visibly winced at the crying and another visit the Dr and I had to shout at each other the whole time because my baby screamed throughout. With the covid rules they only allowed one parent but they could see I was so close to losing it they always let my mum come in with me.
my mum who started off coming one day a week, travelling over 25 miles to get to me, to help out ended up basically living with us for nearly 2 months because I couldn’t cope.
Every day, I’d say I can’t do this any more. There’s no way I’d make it to 12 weeks, 16 weeks whatever BS point that things were magically supposed to get better.
Once, after he sicked up the whole feed when I hadn’t even moved him, I just got up, passed him over and left the house without saying a word. I imagined where I could run away to and whether I had enough money (I even remember noting I still had my passport on me from registering his birth so I could technically go abroad) and then I got a text from the pharmacist and trudged my way round to get more infant gaviscon.
Go to A&E, try the Nutramigen (I felt the same as you initially about it, especially as it smells so bad and makes their poo smell even worse. I desperately wished I could breastfeed so I could just cut dairy out but as a pp said it’s not as easy as it sounds as dairy is in pretty much everything and one slip up and you’d be back at step one) but if it helps even a little bit, it will be worth it.
Do you have any family close by for support? I had one paediatrician tell me to tell family it was doctors orders to help out because it’s not doable on your own and you shouldn’t have to do it on your own.

I tried giving her ready to drink Kendamil earlier actually. She had 20ml and was sick. It was worse than the powdered organic version. I gave up.

I don’t have any family that can help. My mum doesn’t drive and my dad is ill, my in-laws are miles away, my sister hates babies.

The GP I saw the last two times actually isn’t fobbing me off, she’s lovely and has seen me on the same day both times. I can’t go to A&E, this isn’t an emergency.

Please OP try the formula and try to get some sleep. Perhaps with the bank holiday coming up you can do the day and DH do the night and sleep opposite shifts for a day or two.

These early months are so so hard. It does get better though

Oh @WorryMcGee I’m so sorry you don’t have any support nearby. Is there anyway you could go to family instead for a bit? Even if it’s for a few days, you really really need to get a good night sleep.
I’m trying to think what other options there are to get someone to chip in and help. Speak to your HV again and ask her what are the options for getting someone to help out. There must be something because how do single parents with twins/triplets etc or parents with children who have special needs cope if they don’t have family nearby either?
Any friends that could take the baby for even 3-4 hours? It’s not enough I know but some time to at least allow you to get a shower/nap anything you need to do.

6 week olds are hard! Globally, crying peaks at 6 weeks so it does get better.
You are not a failure for not being able to breastfeed. Some babies just do not latch. My dd was a terrible feeder and would have let herself starve to death.
You are a fab mum and it shines through in your posts how much you care about your baby. You clearly love her but also need a bit of a break.

You don't need all the symptoms to be cmpa. Please try the formula and yes try the carobel. With carobel it's trial and error though. My lo was on both and started noticing a difference within 24 hours. And demand omeprezol, that takes 4 weeks to work. With omeprezol things get worse before getting better. It's called acid dump. If you're on Facebook find a group called cmpa support, main group. You'll get loads of help and advice on there. It's been amazing for me and loads of others. Your post described my situation 14 months ago. You are doing amazing ❤️❤️❤️❤️

Sorry OP, it's rough. My baby was the same, wouldn't be put down. GP and Health Visitor said reflux. None of the medicines worked. Saw a private paediatrician and diagnosed dairy allergy. Within a week it was so much improved (I was breastfeeding so slightly different). Is this a possibility? Have you a referral to a NHS specialist at least. If not I would push this.

In the meantime I also found the sleepyhead worked really well but I know they aren't advised for safe sleep. But frankly I was so sleep deprived, I wasn't safe!

Sending hugs op, having a newborn is bloody tough, nobody tells you this when you're pregnant. Unfortunately I've no help but it will get easier 🥰 sending hugs

@WorryMcGee you are in the 9th circle of hell. Officially. I know I have been there. It's fucking dreadful.

Not sure if someone else had said as only read your updates but stop the infacol. It can make reflux work. What does omeprozle were you on? You can buy lactose free formula without a prescription. Is it worth trying to then be armed with doctor??

Hang in there.

Honestly. I absolutely feel your pain, I couldn't cope with the constant crying, screaming and general uncertainty of what the next hour would bring. I developed PND because I was so anxious that everything i did, did not f*cking work! My husband coped better and I wasn't coping AT ALL.

On reflection, I can see that he had not carried and birthed a child and was completely fucking exhausted from that alone, then dealt the hand of an EXTREMELY unsettled baby. I felt like I was dying.

Take one step at a time. It feels like you made a huge mistake but you haven't. You are sleep deprived, exhausted and trying to deal with your life being turned completely on it's head.

The fact you are asking, means you care and are trying to do better (even though you don't need too).

No one can prepare you for the early days. Fuck me!!! It's hard.

So sorry this is so tough for you OP.

DC1 had reflux. I'd spend ages feeding him (BF as he wouldn't feed from a bottle so no-one else could do it) and he would immediately throw up. DH and I were always covered in sick, we co-slept and so the bed was also covered in sick and I had to keep changing sheets. I bought a tumble dryer for the first time as it was the only way I could cope with the laundry. He wouldn't sleep unless he was in the car but he'd wake up when the car stopped. We could never put him down.

I then read about the fourth trimester and bought The Happiest Baby by Harvey Karp which recommended replicating similar conditions to the womb. We swaddled him and put him in a car seat so he was upright and blasted him with very loud white noise from a de-tuned radio and it was like switching off a light. He went to sleep immediately.

As others have said, it will pass, but it is soul destroying meantime.

Please try the formula. If it works then you will finally have some peace, if it doesn't then you can at least rule out CMPI as a possibility. Babies thrive on this stuff. It is just milk broken down into all its component parts and rebuilt without allergens. Human breastmilk is very sugary, that's why the first ingredient is a sugar.

Then please go as see the GP for yourself. Therapy, anti-depressants? Whatever it takes to get through this, because it's shit and you need to grab onto any help available.

Your continued trips to the GP show you are advocating for your baby, you are a good mum in an awful situation.

There are bouncers available that sit the baby quite upright baby bjorn etc. Take each day as it comes, by doing all that you are just shows that you are a good mother. ❤️

I just wanted to say Nutrimigen looks like crap but it is fine, honestly. My lactose intolerant screamer (4pm til midnight solidly, every day, plus on and off all the rest of the time, didn't sleep as had to be up right or she'd vom) is now 15yo and 5'11. At the time the GP said it must just be coloured water given it was ok for so many intolerances (thanks, very helpful) but please try it, it may save your sanity.