Who do I choose? Screaming newborn or screaming toddler at bedtime?

[disappearie]

I have a 1 week old son and a 2 year old daughter. My partner goes to yoga at night so I’m in charge of bedtime for both. Have been having a go at it for the last two nights and I’m in tears each night because I’m failing.

My newborn is incredibly unsettled in the evenings which is completely normal. My toddler has been on a great schedule which I have worked so hard on.

Last night I gave up on putting her to bed because I didn’t want to let my newborn scream. Tonight I let the newborn fuss while I did the toddler and because I had to try and do her bedtime quickly, she is now screaming out for cuddles.

I can’t handle both screaming but clearly I need to pick one. I feel so horrible for letting the newborn fuss and cry, and for letting my newborn cry emotionally for cuddles.

Who do I prioritise? I honestly feel like such a failure.

DH is not doing yoga 5 days a week. He has another woman.

No-one who loved you would expect you to have to deal with a newborn and a toddler unless there really wasn't any choice. Do you have family who can help?

So sorry you're married to a selfish bastard,@disappearie

He could do online yoga anytime, or he could attend daily AA meetings in his lunch break at work. AA has meetings everywhere

What would happen if you disappeared for 2 and a half hours each day on the weekend? Seriously, could you do this just to demonstrate to him what he's doing?

What?! He does yoga 5 times per week for his sanity whilst you lose yours at home with two young children?

There is no way you should be accepting this. He either needs to a) stop going to yoga until you have a more stable nighttime routine with your children or b) do yoga in the morning/another time that is more convenient for you as a family

This

Five minutes before your twit of a partner leaves for yoga, you sneak out of the house and leave him to settle the children.

Return when he has settled them.

This.

Why are you putting up with this twat, OP? He's checked out of family life.

Alcoholics, even ones in recovery, can be phenomenally selfish. He could find a closer yoga class, and a shorter one, and go 3 nights instead of 5.

I don’t know what to tell you, but it sounds like you are completely on your own and cannot rely on him at all.

DH is being selfish, he needs to change yoga schedule until you’ve established a good routine. I have two the same age gap and have only done bedtime alone a handful of times, it’s a nightmare.

If he MUST go to yoga, what about just keeping the kids up later and doing bedtime together when he gets back. You and the little ones can sleep in longer in the morning. You can adjust the routine so (almost) everyone gets there needs met. Not sure when you get your daily 2.5hours child-free me time...

This.

Your partner is a dickhead.

No other response is reasonable.

Fucking yoga.

Come on ,you can do this ,some women have twins .
i had 3 under 3
my youngest came home from hospital to a one year old and a two year old already at home ,his very first bath was in with the one year old and 2 year old.
i gave birth and my husband went on a two week trip for work ,no parental leave ,I had to just get on with things
yes it’s hard ,but millions of women before me managed ,and millions before you managed
you need a routine,bath your toddler when the baby sleeps ,sit your toddler in front of the tv when the baby cry’s .when baby sleeps ,you sort out toddlers food and clothes and toys ,baby can go in the cot with a mobile while you shower
you can do this

👋

Twin mum here and also had a 4 year old when they came home

Yes you let one cry - or do bed time together in your bed and move them when they are asleep

(Also your husband is a dick and your being a doormat allowing 2.5 hours of yoga every night)

DH is being ridiculous. He's clearly just opting out of family life.

I would keep baby in sling or something & try to keep toddler in the same routine as before. They're probably unsettled with the new baby arriving.

Do you have anyone else who can support you like mum or mother in law?

Unfortunately tonight you're going to yoga for your sanity! I agree, he's being selfish with two little ones. I've got a 2yo and 6mo and we share bedtime and it's hard. Occasionally I have to do it myself but then I take it slowly. I use my phone for cartoons a lot more with my 2yo. I think the yoga at home idea is great. Otherwise if he persists unfortunately (after you feed baby if breastfeeding) you need to go somewhere urgently at bedtime and you leave him to the carnage so he knows what its like.

Am I the only one who thinks this has to be a joke? Why the fuck do people have children with these men. You are better than this OP. Tell him to step up or fuck off.

he says he needs it as time for him, for his sanity etc.

Walk out before he goes tomorrow... Seriously, just walk out and leave him with both. Message him and tell him that you need some time for you, for your "sanity". Then don't go back until you've made him late.

I don't often but....fucking selfish wanker 🤬!

Your husband is a cock. End of. Fucking yoga 😴😴😴😴😴

Option C: your partner should stop being selfish and stop yoga for a wee while

I'm struggling to believe it's true.
Not that I can't believe a bloke could act like this, but op's wide eyed innocence is sounding a bit too good to be true.

Also sorry someone must have said this somewhere already but he is emotionally blackmailing you. He says he 'needs' to go to yoga because otherwise there is the threat that he will relapse. So then he would be able to say it was your fault if you stop him from going to yoga, and then he relapses. But he already drinks at the weekends? This guys is a fucking joke, honestly. Do yourself a favour and leave him.

So his sanity and me time is more valid than the screaming newborn and toddler, and frazzled partner?

Yoga is something he can do after the children have had their needs met

There’s your problem

Well yes it's doable but your husband was away on business her husband is having leisure time hardly comparable

My partner was never there for bedtime and never has been. He works
till about 8pm every eve, also has done. I had a newborn, a 2O month old and a 3yo to contend with and it can be done!!!
You put the newborn in a sling and just do the bedtime as normal for the toddler. Then sit on sofa with newborn feeding into you go to bed! Done!

Hell’s teeth, what a selfish git your husband is.

I would be very tempted to to put out a call for help to your family, his family, and friends, to see whether anyone can offer any help in the evenings while your partner opts out of parenting. Shame him .