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Original poster

Bond with child severed?

136 replies

Notsleepingandnotcoping · 26/04/2022 23:50

I don’t know if anyone else has experienced this but I am feeling so much resentment and to be honest rage towards my child just now, I hate him. I feel like he’s ruined my life, to be honest. I know these are powerful words but I haven’t slept in days, my back is in absolute agony and I’m just sick to death of it all. It’s like a horrible job there is no break from at all. I did love him once but I hate him now.

OP posts:
SouperNoodle · 26/04/2022 23:52

I'm so sorry you feel this way OP. You must be going through a really rough time.
How old is your DC?
Are you getting any support!

StarsandStones · 26/04/2022 23:52

How old is he? Is there someone who can help? Is he currently ill?

Functionimg on no sleep is hard...

Villagewaspbyke · 26/04/2022 23:52

Can you tell us some more about it op? Parenting can be hard.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families General parenting
Original poster
Notsleepingandnotcoping · 26/04/2022 23:56

I don’t think he’s ill, he’s 17 months.

It’s really hard to know what to say. I keep thinking he might sleep more but then he doesn’t.

OP posts:
Stade197 · 27/04/2022 00:00

Im sorry you're feeling this way. Is this a baby? If so could you be suffering post natal depression? Or even normal depression, I would recommed reaching out to your GP to see if they can help you ❤️

Do you have any support at home? Friends, partner or family that can help you, maybe even have the child for a few nights so you can have some time to yourself? If you are feeling rage towards them it sounds like you really need a bit of time apart and to place him in a safe place whilst you get some help with the way you are feeling

Its so hard & frustrating sometimes being a mum so theres no shame in asking for help

Original poster
Notsleepingandnotcoping · 27/04/2022 00:02

There isn’t anyone to help. It’s just accepting that my life involves nothing but relentless misery, it’s so shit.

OP posts:
happinessischocolate · 27/04/2022 00:18

I didn't have any help either so totally sympathise. Do you get out to mums and toddlers groups? Are you working? How does an average day go socialising wise?

Flamingoose · 27/04/2022 00:20

OP this is not normal. This is not 'how it is'. This is not how your life will be from now on. You are severely sleep deprived and everything is impossible right now, but this is not your fault and it is not your baby's fault. You need help.

If you have no family or friends who can help you need to seek other help. Go see your GP, or your health visitor, or whatever official help is available to you. This is not how it should be. You can't fix this by yourself while you're struggling to even think straight.

Original poster
Notsleepingandnotcoping · 27/04/2022 00:23

I don’t go to mums and toddler groups. I would if I wasn’t working. This may sound more abrupt than it’s meant and it genuinely isn’t meant sharply but I don’t really know why you think lack of socialising is my issue.

There is absolutely no official help available. It is just now it is.

OP posts:
Makesmilingyourbesthobby · 27/04/2022 00:34

Sorry to hear things are like this for you both, how do other tasks go? Meal times, baths, cleaning, play time? Has your child always had trouble sleeping a good night sleep or is it a recent thing?

Original poster
Notsleepingandnotcoping · 27/04/2022 00:36

Always been bad, sometimes worse than others. This is definitely one of those times. I’m getting around three hours a night. It leaves no time for anything and I’m overwhelmed and exhausted.

OP posts:
Lessofallthisunpleasantness · 27/04/2022 00:37

Toddler is a very trying stage. It does take a village, it really does. It is not normal for women to be on their own endlessly with young children. Do you have any friends or family you can spend time with. It can just help to 'dilute' it all a bit.

Original poster
Notsleepingandnotcoping · 27/04/2022 00:39

There’s no one who can help and it’s really overnight that’s the absolute killer. It just means I have no rest or respite. I’m effectively doing a shift at actual work then coming home and working in the evening then have maybe three hours to myself (two or so which are asleep) then I start the night shift. I’m fed up and worn down and bitterly resentful.

OP posts:
SleepingStandingUp · 27/04/2022 00:41

If you genuinely hate him and won't ever love him again, then you need to give him up for adoption.

However, I think you're exhausted and lonely and overwhelmed and all of that is masking how much you do love him. It's so hard when you're that tired and there's just no let up. It's hard with a partner, but as a single parent it's all in you.

Is he in nursery full time? Does he nap there? Does he nap at home when you're not in work? Could you ask them for some ideas?

Can you afford a sleep consultant? Under the circs, I think even shoving the cost on a credit card if you can afford to pay it back would be worth it.

How are you coping at work so tired? Could you book a day of leave every couple of weeks just a few times, send him to nursery and sleep?

TooManyPJs · 27/04/2022 00:41

Why is he not sleeping? What's happening? What have you tried so far?

Icecreamandapplepie · 27/04/2022 00:42

I felt like this.

You will survive. It does get better, it really does.

I honestly think that some of is aren't cut out to be mums to babies and toddlers. But those of us usually come into our own a bit later on.

These next few months will drag, and it is total shit, but it does get easier and will totally be worth it.

Original poster
Notsleepingandnotcoping · 27/04/2022 00:42

I don’t know why he’s not sleeping. No one knows. What is there to try? Pick him up and he’s fine, put him down and he screams. All. Night. Long.

OP posts:
Original poster
Notsleepingandnotcoping · 27/04/2022 00:44

I don’t know if it will get better, though. I I’m honest I thought it would have improved by now but it never does.

OP posts:
Doona · 27/04/2022 00:45

Yes, sleep deprivation, I remember this, it's torture. I went completely mental with it.

How is it when he's awake at night? Does he cry, can you leave him playing quietly in his cot and sleep nearby?

How are his naps in the daytime, is he too wound up, napping too much? Most kids should be sleeping through at this age, maybe there's a way to fix it.

Doona · 27/04/2022 00:46

Sorry missed the cross post. He screams. Have you tried having him in your bed? Sorry, I know I'm probably asking the obvious.

Original poster
Notsleepingandnotcoping · 27/04/2022 00:47

He screams. I’ve tried leaving him to see if he re settles himself and he never does.

He naps around 2 hours a day.

OP posts:
Makesmilingyourbesthobby · 27/04/2022 00:48

wheres your child whilst your at work? Do they still have a nap time during the day and if so what sort of time frame and for how long?
could you maybe afford to book some time off work to get some rest in the days whilst child is not there and get some you time for a week know it’s not a long term solution but may help short term

Original poster
Notsleepingandnotcoping · 27/04/2022 00:49

He screams. I’ve tried leaving him to see if he re settles himself and he never does.

He naps around 2 hours a day.

OP posts:
SleepingStandingUp · 27/04/2022 00:50

OK so a two hour nap shouldn't be stopping him sleep at night.

Assume he's been checked for reflux and he's def not hungry / thirsty. Tried cosleeping? Mine are two and don't sleep through so I'm not much help with that. It's better than it was at this age though.

I think you need to book some days leave to sleep and seriously loo kat affording a sleep consultant op.

StarsandStones · 27/04/2022 00:54

Does he need to be held upright? And if he maybe even has a cold, then get his ears checked for infection...

If just holding and horizontal is fine, please consider safe co sleeping. You both need sleep...

So no father around to help during the night?