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Parenting

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Bond with child severed?

136 replies

Notsleepingandnotcoping · 26/04/2022 23:50

I don’t know if anyone else has experienced this but I am feeling so much resentment and to be honest rage towards my child just now, I hate him. I feel like he’s ruined my life, to be honest. I know these are powerful words but I haven’t slept in days, my back is in absolute agony and I’m just sick to death of it all. It’s like a horrible job there is no break from at all. I did love him once but I hate him now.

OP posts:
Notsleepingandnotcoping · 27/04/2022 01:53

I’ve tried to ignore DS both purposefully during highly unsuccessful sleep training and by accident where I’ve just been so exhausted I haven’t really fully woken up to him but believe me it doesn’t work, he just ramps It up. Much better usually if you go to him and sort him immediately.

OP posts:
AthenaPopodopolous · 27/04/2022 01:53

Sorry not 24 hours but call them first thin, 9am x we are all here to listen OP, ignore any judgemental posters

AthenaPopodopolous · 27/04/2022 01:54

Is the baby sleeping just now

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Notsleepingandnotcoping · 27/04/2022 01:54

No one’s been judgemental afaik but I could be missing it. I’m in work tomorrow.

OP posts:
AthenaPopodopolous · 27/04/2022 01:56

Is the baby ok and safe?

Notsleepingandnotcoping · 27/04/2022 01:57
Confused
OP posts:
SleepingStandingUp · 27/04/2022 01:57

If he's asleep now op ignore us and try and get some sleep. I need to too, someone will be awake at 4 but luckily I can get away with sleeping on their floor with a hand on them. It does get better. But before it does, you need support. Please talk to DH and make it clear you need time to yourself. So he takes him out or you go sleep in the local Spa or you book a hotel room overnight but that something has to give and it really can't keep being you.

I hope you can get some sleep x

SleepingStandingUp · 27/04/2022 01:58

AthenaPopodopolous · 27/04/2022 01:56

Is the baby ok and safe?

Op has said nothing to suggest he's anything but safe. She's clearly putting his needs ahead of her own, like most mothers do, and making sure he's held as much as she possibly can so he'll sleep.

Notsleepingandnotcoping · 27/04/2022 02:01

I just do want a weekend away from it all. Maybe in the summer.

OP posts:
Ilady · 27/04/2022 02:03

It time to tell your husband that you had enough of him not helping you out with his child. Your sick of no sleep and him doing nothing to help you out. You have decided to take a Fri off work and your going to a hotel for 2 nights. Your not going to have your phone on.
So he can pick the child up from nursery, put him to into the cot and leave him crying for 20 mins. Then go into him tell it time to go to sleep and not lift him out of the cot.
Keep doing this every 20 mins as long as your child crys but don't lift him out of the cot. He need to keep doing this and when you're not their it will be better as you won't be tempted to pick him up.
You both need to keep doing this. I also tell his child minder that you don't want him to sleep more than an hour during the day. He come home tired and you might have a better chance of getting him to sleep at night.
I would also bring your child to the doctor and explain about the lack of sleep and let them check their ears as sometimes teeth coming can effect the ears re pain.

ashitghost · 27/04/2022 02:04

Notsleepingandnotcoping · 27/04/2022 01:51

i wouldn’t expect any of my friends to come and stay in my house and see to my child, or have my child at theirs for a week.

no relations.

I am in a lot of pain which always makes me really bad tempered and generally unpleasant to be around.

I didn’t say they come to yours or have the child at theirs.

you are asking for a bed for a week or you might be a danger to yourself and/or your son. Baby stays with that. They will sleep. Let them get on with it. Unless you and DH are both orphans with no surviving relatives and haven’t a single friend between you then you need to just ask someone and go. I actually don’t think you should be near your son at the moment.

ashitghost · 27/04/2022 02:05

Baby stays with DAD. that should say.

Notsleepingandnotcoping · 27/04/2022 02:10

The comprehension on here is shocking. I can’t take time off work and I think I’ve made it clear I’m not wanting a DH pile on. All that does is make me feel even more shit. I posted because I was fed up of being woken constantly at night. That’s pretty much the gist of it.

OP posts:
AthenaPopodopolous · 27/04/2022 02:12

Ok are you feeling a bit better now? Is your little one sleeping yet?

Notsleepingandnotcoping · 27/04/2022 02:13

Christ, yes, he’s sleeping. Can you not be honest about feeling angry, pissed off, resentful and generally in a hell of a lot of pain? Do I have to be smiling sweetly on here too?

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 27/04/2022 02:15

I remember the desperation and anger. DD didn't sleep through until she was two. Up every 2 hours before that. And she kicked and screamed so co-sleeping wasn't an option.

I won't suggest things. Because people who suggested things made me murderous with rage when I was going through it. I will offer you a hand to hold. You WILL get through it, it will all pale in a few years, you will have a bond. But for now AAAARRRRGGGGGHHHHHH.

JennyForeigner · 27/04/2022 02:16

Get a sleep trainer. Two years ago we were in misery with our seriously ill baby. At ten months he woke up every 40 minutes - similar comfort patterns to those you have described in that he always wanted me.

We hired a specialist online for £300 in total and who gave us a plan and talked us through it day by day. DH threw everything at it for three nights while my GP helped by prescribing me knock out medication. We knew that whatever happened, I would not wake up and would have the chance to physically recuperate and reset my own broken sleeping patterns to be able to rebuild.

We were helped by being assured over and over again that bringing in the professional would work, it does work, and that if it took longer than the usual 3-4 days because of some underlying issue the professional (an ex-midwife/mat nurse) would be there to help work out what it was. We were told though that with a child under two the probability that it wouldn't take were low.

If all else failed, we knew we could spend £1,000 to hand over to the professional entirely, and she would come to our house and take over.

It did work though. By night three he was sleeping through and has ever since. Much happier in the day time too, because rested.

Sleep deprivation is recognised as torture for a reason. You need and deserve sleep and so does your child. In other countries, this very basic very important help would be provided by the state. I'm sorry that you have to put it in place for yourself, but you must.

AthenaPopodopolous · 27/04/2022 02:16

That’s great he’s sleeping. Now you have gotten it off your chest, go and put your phone away and get a sleep now. Goodnight OP and hope you feel in a better frame of mind tomo. We have all been there too. It passes eventually.

Notsleepingandnotcoping · 27/04/2022 02:16

AARRRGGGHHHH indeed, I think that’s what I desperately want to do when he starts, just SCREAM somewhere in sheer desperation.

OP posts:
Notsleepingandnotcoping · 27/04/2022 02:17

Athena maybe you want to help, I don’t know, but could you please stop speaking to me like I’m a slightly slow ten year old? Confused

OP posts:
Marty13 · 27/04/2022 02:20

We're just trying to offer suggestions to make it better. You can't go on like this, it's really not sustainable.

As soon as you've had some sleep the situation won't seem so dire but you need the sleep first. Realistically what will happen if you go away for the night ? Your DH will spend a shit night, sure, but so do you every single night. It's just one night for him, and it's vital rest for you.

AthenaPopodopolous · 27/04/2022 02:21

Im sorry, didn’t mean to be patronising. Goodnight...

MrsTerryPratchett · 27/04/2022 02:30

Notsleepingandnotcoping · 27/04/2022 02:16

AARRRGGGHHHH indeed, I think that’s what I desperately want to do when he starts, just SCREAM somewhere in sheer desperation.

I swear I had all the symptoms of depression and anxiety but it was ALL lack of sleep. If you have pain as well, that's a bastard.

There was a long-running thread on Sleep on MN where everyone got it. That kept me sort of sane when I felt so alone.

I do sometimes feel guilty I wasn't a better mum back then but I worked harder than I have ever worked.

Ponderingwindow · 27/04/2022 03:23

I had a child that would only sleep when touching me. I mean that quite literally. It nearly broke me. Many years later we got a diagnosis that she had autism and was intellectually advanced. In hindsight, those early years suddenly made sense. While we were living them, everyone just kept telling us we were bad at parenting because we couldn’t sleep train her.

cosleeping or some modified form of it really may be the only way to get the rest you need, but there are ways to make it work better.

first, recognize that you need sleep and space so if you must cosleep, don’t hesitate to move your husband to a different space. You and the toddler need the biggest bed in the house. Toddlers take up more space than an adult male. It’s just a fact :) don’t listen to people who say this is bad for your marriage. You know what is bad for your marriage? Sleep deprivation and resentment. Do whatever is necessary to get sleep.

consider ditching the crib or cot and baby proofing the entire nursery. Put a mattress on the floor. Having control about getting up helps kids who are resistant, plus, this gives you a large space where you can comfortably lay down too.

your child is a bit too young for this still, but we eventually were able to introduce what we called the “floor bed”. Dd would start the night in her own room. (There were phases she was fine with this and phases she wasn’t, but we cajoled and even bribed to keep it happening). That little break was good practice for her and it gave me a break. Once she woke up, she was allowed to walk to our room and tuck herself into the floor bed we had set up. It was actually the mattress from her crib, set up next to our bed. Most nights she was perfectly happy just sleeping in our room. If she had a nightmare or she was sick, then she might need extra cuddles, but that is true for any child .

MysteriousMonkey · 27/04/2022 04:09

So sorry its all so shit at the moment OP.. I was feeling similar 17 years ago with my eldest. I felt like I could never put him down and it was awful for a while. We coslept because I couldn't put them in another room and I didn't have any help either. Babies dad was always working and I had no family or friends within 300 miles and it just sucked. So much.

I really can't give any advice other than just keep going, it will pass I promise. 17 year old rarely cries now (and is actually a pretty quiet person oddly) and we have a great bond although they are still a pain in the arse!