Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Original poster

Bond with child severed?

136 replies

Notsleepingandnotcoping · 26/04/2022 23:50

I don’t know if anyone else has experienced this but I am feeling so much resentment and to be honest rage towards my child just now, I hate him. I feel like he’s ruined my life, to be honest. I know these are powerful words but I haven’t slept in days, my back is in absolute agony and I’m just sick to death of it all. It’s like a horrible job there is no break from at all. I did love him once but I hate him now.

OP posts:
Original poster
Notsleepingandnotcoping · 27/04/2022 00:55

It’s just fucking shit, it’s not his naps because he sleeps when I hold him so he is tired. It’s been the same since he was tiny. He shoves his hand inside my top and it sends him to sleep.

I can’t book time off. Have only just had a two week “holiday.”

OP posts:
Original poster
Notsleepingandnotcoping · 27/04/2022 00:57

And I don’t WANT to sleep with him. I don’t want him on me, kicking at me, shoving me to the edge of the bed and forcing me to sleep in a horrible cramped position (if I sleep at all.) Yes, it’s awful of me but I don’t want him.

OP posts:
Doona · 27/04/2022 01:01

You can put a barrier in the bed between you. I rolled up towel or something, so he doesn't kick you.

If course you don't want him in bed! That's a given. But whatever it takes to get him to sleep.

This is not forever. It will improve. My kids sleep through now and yours will too. It's a phase although it doesn't seem like.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families General parenting
Original poster
Notsleepingandnotcoping · 27/04/2022 01:02

Yes, I could, but then he would scream so square one.

I really wish people would understand how fucking miserable and suffocating co sleeping is, it isn’t cuddly and lovely. It’s horrible. And I hate my child for it.

OP posts:
Doona · 27/04/2022 01:03

If you get to the point where you want to slap him, just put him in the cot and go out, or put in earplugs and go in a different room. He'll be okay in his cot.

I'm sorry, sleep deprivation is the worst.

SleepingStandingUp · 27/04/2022 01:05

Have you looked at a sleep consultant?

Original poster
Notsleepingandnotcoping · 27/04/2022 01:06

No, none of the problems I’ve read about apply to us.

OP posts:
SleepingStandingUp · 27/04/2022 01:07

Do you get decent sick leave? Might be an option to talk to the GP and get signed off for a few weeks with stress, keep DS in nursery and sleep as much as you need to. It isn't a lie, you are massively stressed and you need some space.

SleepingStandingUp · 27/04/2022 01:07

Notsleepingandnotcoping · 27/04/2022 01:06

No, none of the problems I’ve read about apply to us.

How do you mean?

Doona · 27/04/2022 01:07

I didn't like cosleeping either. Always half awake. I got ruthless by my third child, just put him in his cot and I was so distracted and exhausted by the others, I didn't even notice his screams. He was okay. Sounds bad but you can't be awake all day all night, your body just shuts down.

Original poster
Notsleepingandnotcoping · 27/04/2022 01:09

I do but I wouldn’t get any sleep at home during the day as I have a DH WFH.

Whenever I have read sleep books or common sleep problems it doesn’t seem to be anything a sleep consultant could help with I mean.

OP posts:
Dingdongdo87 · 27/04/2022 01:14

So you have a DH? What is he doing to help?

Original poster
Notsleepingandnotcoping · 27/04/2022 01:15

He can’t, DS just screams and screams for me.

I have no idea why only I will do but this is apparently so.

OP posts:
SleepingStandingUp · 27/04/2022 01:15

Hang in, you have a fucking DH problem not a baby problem. I assumed you were single.

So he can't be bothered to help at night and if you booked time off in the week he wouldn't let you sleep?

What actual use is he?

ashitghost · 27/04/2022 01:17

Go away for a week and let your DH just get on with it.

You are being very vague. Suddenly there’s a DH? Or phone social services and tell them you are in crisis and need some assistance for his sake and yours.

You sound very very ill. You need urgent help.

Makesmilingyourbesthobby · 27/04/2022 01:18

so the issue is he won’t sleep unless he’s cuddling with you and you then can’t move him off of you without it waking him or he disturbs not long after and you have laid them down, I remember a young one I use to look after foster before she was adopted who was like this I only had her three nights a week but yes I can recall the back pain now you have said, took me a good few months to break the pattern, but first you really do need to find a way to get some rest and you time op have you anyone you could talk to in real life about how exhausted your feeling and could maybe offer to have him for you for a night or two?

SleepingStandingUp · 27/04/2022 01:19

Notsleepingandnotcoping · 27/04/2022 01:15

He can’t, DS just screams and screams for me.

I have no idea why only I will do but this is apparently so.

Your his preference because he loves you and feels safe with you.

Your DH needs to try harder. If you get hit by a truck and spend the next three months in hospital in traction he'll cope.

So once DS is back from nursery he needs some time with Daddy. You get your head down at say 9 and DH sits downstairs with baby and tries to get him to sleep, walk in the buggy, warm milk, whatever it takes. You swap over at midnight. You've had three hours. You get what sleep you can between then and 6. He gets up at 6 and takes over and you get another hour.

He has to step up before he loses you and he needs to know that's a risk.

Original poster
Notsleepingandnotcoping · 27/04/2022 01:20

I’m not being vague at all Confused

I put my child to bed.

my child wakes up a couple of hours later

my child screams

I pick him up, he stops

i put him down, he starts to scream

dh picks him up, he screams

I wish I could say I have a DH problem but I don’t, I have a DS problem. It’s probably self inflicted but I’ve no idea what to do about it.

OP posts:
SleepingStandingUp · 27/04/2022 01:22

OK, no DH problem. What is he doing to help his wife and child?

Original poster
Notsleepingandnotcoping · 27/04/2022 01:22

If I had been hit by a truck, and was in hospital, I wouldn’t give two shits about DS screaming because I really am at the point where I couldn’t care less.

I can only assume you all live in vast mansions where your husbands can take your screaming child elsewhere in the house and you don’t hear him. My life isn’t that luxurious I’m afraid.

OP posts:
Original poster
Notsleepingandnotcoping · 27/04/2022 01:22

SleepingStandingUp · 27/04/2022 01:22

OK, no DH problem. What is he doing to help his wife and child?

What do you think he should be doing?

OP posts:
SleepingStandingUp · 27/04/2022 01:23

Does e know how you state you feel towards DS?

SleepingStandingUp · 27/04/2022 01:24

Notsleepingandnotcoping · 27/04/2022 01:22

What do you think he should be doing?

Show quote history

I've said in the post above. Splitting the night with you so you get some sleep so you're not living on three hours sleep and feeling like you HATE your baby.

LiesDoNotBecomeUs · 27/04/2022 01:24

So sorry to hear this OP - this is real suffering. No wonder you feel overwhelmed.

He isn't doing this on purpose of course and it will get better... but that won't make you feel better right now.

Wanting space to yourself and rest and quiet is perfectly reasonable - and felt by the most loving of mothers.

I would help you have a night's sleep if I was your neighbour. Anyone who has been this sleep deprived would!

Have you tried 'Home Start'? It is a network of experienced mothers who volunteer to help/befriend parents who need them. I know one volunteer and she is amazing - really hands on and understanding!

Original poster
Notsleepingandnotcoping · 27/04/2022 01:25

I really hate the way you can’t have a problem on here.

I do not have a perfect marriage I am sure but I really don’t see what else DH can realistically do at night. I have semi seriously wondered about getting him to drive around half the night with DS to get him the fuck away from me but that really seems both unfair and dangerous. Other than that, I’m stumped.

OP posts: