Husband said smashing kids favourite toy in front if them is the best way to make them listen

[sandracb4321]

All right, let debate.

When your kids don't listen to you despite you talked to them repeatedly, would you smash his favourite toys in front of him as a deterrent to scare him off; or you would continue reason with him?

I definitely support the latter but my husband thinks we need some "strong measures" to make him listen (btw my kid is just 4).

I am constantly in disagreement with his attitude towards parenting. Whatever he thinks my kid did anything wrong he just gets mad and angry and yell at him. He thinks our little one has some psychological issue because he smiles and laugh when he is being told off and feel nervous. I tell my husband it is because our son is constantly intimidated by his father and lives in a stressful environment. Of course my husband does not agree. Every time I argue with his way of parenting he just tells my off and belittle me and says I don't know how to teach our boy because I have no achievement in life (!)

Today my husband is angry with my boy again. So he pulled of the reward charts which my son is really proud of from the wall as a way to told him off. How can my son be normal if he is subject to such harassment and intimidation?

Your husband sounds like an absolutely awful man. Protect your poor son

My dad used to threaten to smash my toys and even though he never actually did it, I don’t think I have ever forgiven him.
I think it is horribly cruel to do that to a child.
Your husband needs to learn how to parent. Compliance through intimidation isn’t setting your child up for a healthy childhood or adulthood.

Get your son away from the abuser, obviously.

Your husband is abusing your son. Do you realise how serious this is? It's not normal. It's not the loss if control in a moment, it's cruel and calculated abuse. Please get your son out of this horrible environment or he will grow up very damaged.

Christ, what’s wrong with your husband? What a horrible bullying nasty man. There is nothing to debate, this is appalling.

If your husband wants to smash your child’s favourite toy in front of him, your husband is a genuine sadistic psychopath and your son and you need to get away from him.

No, that is abusive, and your partner will fuck your child up if you let him carry on like this.

That's abusive as fuck. Horribly damaging to a child. All he's learning is to be scared of his dad. That poor little boy.

It isn't your dc with mh issues...
My exh was similar.
Ds 30 still has therapy and I left when he was 7...

Seriously. End that relationship and get out of there or your son is going to be a total mess when he’s a man.

That is absolutely hideous behaviour towards a child. All it will succeed in doing is make him very frightened.

Your husband has probably already damaged your son psychologically and he is undermining you as a mother. You need to both get away from him

Debate?!! You don’t debate abuse. You are as bad as him if you are tolerating this treatment of your child. Shame on you. Remove your child from this awful man or you are just as guilty.
Debate my arse. I’ve heard it all now.

Dreadful, no debate required, absolutely out of order. Is your husband his father? Either way I would have to divorce to protect my son. I don’t say that lightly.

@Thursday37 - agree there is nothing to debate here.

Your son sounds scared of him.

Ime when your dc no longer flinches seeing his stuff smashed your dh will move on to threatening your dc.. Once my dh threatened to put ds 'through a fucking window..'

Your poor boy. If your son hasn’t any psychological issues now he will have after this sort of treatment. Also he belittles you. What is that telling your son about how he should treat women? I know it’s easy to say leave and much harder to do but for your son’s sake I would be ‘getting my ducks in a row’ to do just that. Better still he could leave. My main worry would be his dad having unsupervised access meaning he could behave the same unacceptable way and there would be no one there to moderate his behaviour.

And ripping reward charts off the wall? WTF? I mean if you want your child growing up with low self-esteem and feeling like he can’t do anything right so what’s the point in trying, then crack on, but otherwise, you need to get him away from this abusive arsehole of a man.

Would your partner smash up the property of another adult who annoyed him? Would he rip up the certificates and qualifications that another adult had worked for because they annoyed him? I think you know the answer.

My mum smashed things along with many other vile things she did. I fucking hate her

No, that's very wrong and it is abusive. However, you do need to train your child and at 4, 'reasoning' with them doesn't always work. They need (and want) boundaries but your H is not doing this in the right way. Biggest rule is never to react in anger. Walk away till calm. Simple consequences for undesirable behavior eg. No TV or ipad for that day, or leaving a venue and coming home. But in between these boundaries should be a HUGE amount of warmth, encouragement, specific praise and love.

No debate....LTB

Go and smash his car window and see if that makes him calm down snd listen to you reasoning with him

Obviously don't actually do that, take his car keys, the car and your child and leave him.

His behaviour sounds like the early days stuff you read about in murdered child cases.

You need to leave him to protect your son.

You also need to read how to talk so kids will listen.