Husband said smashing kids favourite toy in front if them is the best way to make them listen

[sandracb4321]

All right, let debate.

When your kids don't listen to you despite you talked to them repeatedly, would you smash his favourite toys in front of him as a deterrent to scare him off; or you would continue reason with him?

I definitely support the latter but my husband thinks we need some "strong measures" to make him listen (btw my kid is just 4).

I am constantly in disagreement with his attitude towards parenting. Whatever he thinks my kid did anything wrong he just gets mad and angry and yell at him. He thinks our little one has some psychological issue because he smiles and laugh when he is being told off and feel nervous. I tell my husband it is because our son is constantly intimidated by his father and lives in a stressful environment. Of course my husband does not agree. Every time I argue with his way of parenting he just tells my off and belittle me and says I don't know how to teach our boy because I have no achievement in life (!)

Today my husband is angry with my boy again. So he pulled of the reward charts which my son is really proud of from the wall as a way to told him off. How can my son be normal if he is subject to such harassment and intimidation?

Your husband is off his head, breaking a kid's toy in front of them as a punishment is a terrible idea. For a start it teaches them that it is OK to b wasteful and destructive. Most of the time a child's naughtiness doesn't warrant a severe punishment anyway.

Blimey, the stick Kirstie Allsopp received for destroying her childrens' ipads was dreadful but warranted - and she only did it once when she was at the end of her tether, she didn't recommend it as a punishment!

I feel sorry for your boy, op, it has to stop. You must impress this on your husband (I know you have tried already), if necessary enlist the help of someone else close to both of you. If he carries on in the same way he will lose his son - and possibly you. All he does is display a lack of self control, hardly setting a good example to an impressionable child.

He is abusing you and your son. Get him out ASAP.

Sorry, didn't read the whole thread. Please contact Women's Aid, they will help you.

@Snugglepumpkin

My mother had my piano taken out into the garden when I was about 6-7 years old, smashed up & set on fire because she decided I didn't practice enough. This was 'apparently' a lesson to make me understand that I should appreciate the things I had because 'not everyone' has them.

I loved my piano.

It destroyed our relationship although she barely even remembers it but I never ever trusted or felt any kind of familial connection to her ever again.
I don't feel related to her.

I'm polite because that is what you are expected to be towards parents & I loved my dad unreservedly (he loved me back), but I've never felt like she was my parent since that day.
She is just someone I know.

It didn't make me listen & it taught me that you can't rely on anything other than yourself.
It taught me anyone else, no matter how much you should be able to trust them can let you down.
It taught me that if people know you care about something they can use that vulnerability to hurt you.

Don't put your kids through that kind of damage.

I am sorry to hear what happened to you in the past. "Teach him a lesson" is the term my husband always use. He always says need to show my boy the negative so he can learn. I strongly disagree with his approach so we always argue.

You no this isn't okay and that there is no point going over and over his points.

Please contact someone today. Woman's aid will talk to you. Even the police you can talk to someone and they can help even if you aren't ready to charge him .

You are both being subjected to abuse as I read it. Seek help to leave and be careful.

So I need to figure out where to live and get steady income first. That, to me, is the most difficult thing.

Women's Aid or Refuge will be able to advise and support you with the practicalities. Please contact them now. Your husband's behaviour is likely to escalate and both you and your son are at risk.

@sandracb4321

People like that never run out of 'lessons' to teach you.
He is hurting you too & that's also not okay.

You are doing the right thing to get away from this toxic person.
Please do approach Womens Aid or similar & get help because he won't change.

Make sure your son knows that you will always be there for him & that you won't let him down or rip the security every child should have out from under his feet.

With a father like that, it's more important than ever that he has someone he can really depend on.

You both deserve better.

My Nan threw a cuddly toy into the fire to teach my uncle a lesson and she never ever forgot it or forgave herself. By the time I was born this must've happened over 30 years ago and she was still feeling guilty about it.

Oh your poor nan, Jules. At least she had the decency to feel bad about it and wasn't promoting the destruction of toys. It really is sad to think of an old lady carrying a burden of guilt for something she did, no doubt at the end of her tether, once when she was younger. I mean - nobody died and she was sorry afterwards. I'm sure your uncle forgave her.

I know someone whose dad dissected his scooter - a motor scooter, he was a teenager. Dad literally took a chain saw to it as a punishment for his son's bout of teen bad behaviour. How OTT is that? The dad justified it by saying he paid for it so could do what he chose with the scooter. Sheesh. Yet life went on (son became a policeman :) ).

Your husband is a massive dick, that is not the right way he is 4. There brains don’t understand and are not like ours. Please read the gentle parenting book to understand why children don’t listen. Half the time they are in another world and they are also at an age where they test boundaries. If your husband does that it will cause trauma and shows that it is the right thing to smash toys and show anger.