Husband said smashing kids favourite toy in front if them is the best way to make them listen

[sandracb4321]

All right, let debate.

When your kids don't listen to you despite you talked to them repeatedly, would you smash his favourite toys in front of him as a deterrent to scare him off; or you would continue reason with him?

I definitely support the latter but my husband thinks we need some "strong measures" to make him listen (btw my kid is just 4).

I am constantly in disagreement with his attitude towards parenting. Whatever he thinks my kid did anything wrong he just gets mad and angry and yell at him. He thinks our little one has some psychological issue because he smiles and laugh when he is being told off and feel nervous. I tell my husband it is because our son is constantly intimidated by his father and lives in a stressful environment. Of course my husband does not agree. Every time I argue with his way of parenting he just tells my off and belittle me and says I don't know how to teach our boy because I have no achievement in life (!)

Today my husband is angry with my boy again. So he pulled of the reward charts which my son is really proud of from the wall as a way to told him off. How can my son be normal if he is subject to such harassment and intimidation?

Womens Aid have a really helpful search tool, which you can use to find organisations and services near you that can offer help and support.

www.womensaid.org.uk/domestic-abuse-directory/

Leave as soon as you can safely do so.

You need to tell someone so there's evidence of the abuse, even if the police don't do anything the record will help you to prevent him having contact after you separate. If you won't go to the police contact your health visitor (you stay on their books until DC is 5), your child's school (if they attend) or gp.

You could also talk to the council housing department, tell them you cannot safely stay in your home, so you and your child are effectively homeless, evidence from one of the above will also help with this. In our council they would provide you with temporary accommodation and place you in a high priority band for a tenancy, but I'm not sure if it's the same everywhere as our council is less oversubscribed then other area.

I would take their favourite toy off them and not give it back till lesson learned. Smashing up a kids toy in front of them is a big arsehole thing to do. The only thing it will do is scare the child. No decent parent wants their child to fear them rather than respect them. I would be furious if my husband did this.

@Sprogonthetyne

Councils are now legally required to house victims of domestic abuse. It might be a hostel to begin with but they will house them.

Hi sandracb4321,

We're sorry you're going through this.

We can see you're getting lots of good advice and support from other Mumsnetters but we just thought we'd add some links to organisations which can give you some support in real life.

First of all, here's a link to our domestic violence webguide.

If you do feel that you're in immediate danger, call 999. If you’re unable to speak to the operator, press 55 when prompted, to let them know you need help.

We can see that other Mumsnetters have suggested that you contact Women's Aid and we'd absolutely second that advice. Their 24-hour helpline number is 0808 2000 247, and they have an online online chat support service which operates 8am - 6pm weekdays, and 10:00am - 6pm on weekends.

It's also worth checking out the Freedom Programme - we know it's helped many MNers over the years, so please click on the link.

We really hope you're okay, OP.

Smashing a child’s toys in front of them is a great way to keep them compliant. Leave this violent disaster of a ‘man’ for your child’s sake.

OP your husband is an abusive bully. Bullying a small child. Horrific. You need to protect your son and leave this awful man.

Your son deserves so much better. I hope you @sandracb4321 either have the strength to leave this abusive man, or you call SS and ask them to take your son away.

I'm so sorry you and your son are going through this. I think (know) that your husband sounds awful.
This is without doubt abusive behaviour towards you both. Your son will end up affected.
There's lots of help and advice available. Speak to a children's centre, you can do the freedom program there, or call woman's aid.
You're obviously looking out for your sons best interests, but I think you need some extra help here. Take care

I agree with the others, you need to call the police now so that they can take a statement in relation to what he just did, so that it's on record. Have you got any family or friends you can stay with? Hope you're okay, and please do speak to Women's Aid.

Thank you very much

Your husband is using intimidation and fear to emotionally abuse a 4 year old child?

Is his masculinity so fragile he has to bully a tiny boy?

I really hope that you and your child can safely get away from this extremely abusive wanker asap. You both need and deserve much better.

Call the police and also Women's Aid. Now.

@sandracb4321

Everyone is right here. He is very abusive, first to me and then to my son. As I am writing this, my face has just been smashed by him (now he's gone) as I asked him not to abuse our son anymore. He immediately smashed my face and said "Abuse? I"ll show you what is abuse".

Honestly, I need help. I don't know what to do.

We are in serious debt. But he is staying at home watching youtube all day long. I told him to get out to make some money. He said he had made enough (actually not making, borrowing) and I should go out to make money. I am writing my own blog and have built my own website to market a business. I have received positive feedbacks and started attracting audiences. But he thinks it's a waste of time. All he does is discouragement. He has never encouraged me or appreciate me on anything. Seriously, I don't know what I am doing.

Some of you said you are terrified because I said "debate" Honestly, I might have already lost my sanity after prolonged abuse and harassment by him.

Please call the police;he's assaulted you.They'll take you seriously and will help you to get help.

My father did this to me when I was younger and it has affected me throughout my life. Please get your boy out of there if you can

There was a very well known poster on here who claimed she had smashed her child's handheld games console up because they accidentally got paint on her handbag...

I remember wondering just how bad it was in that home if that poster felt so comfortable relating such a shocking and abusive behaviour as though it was some kind of amusing parenting anecdote.

As for your husband OP, I'd want to leave him but I would be too scared of what my child might have to deal with if I wasn't around to intervene.

I was forced by my family to get rid of all my bond books etc, I wasn’t wanted long story, it ruined every birthday for decades .

Sorry posted too soon. So I understand why you feel probably feel frozen. The police will help you, they were brilliant when I called them when I was experiencing DV. They helped me end the relationship safely.

My Dad did that. Smashed my toys, pretended to beat my teddies, and smashed my first phone when I was 10 minutes late home. He actually suggested that I should do it to my children! My daughter is exactly like I was at that age, incredibly sensitive and bursts into tears at the drop of a hat. Just the thought of doing that to her breaks my heart. Please don't let your little boy grow up in a house like that.

I beg you, get your son and yourself away from this man, however you can and whatever it takes.

I am sorry.. read only half of page 1..
Never mind asking what is wrong with your husband... what the hell is wrong with you??
This would happen once and his feet wouldnt touch the floor as he left the house for good..
What are you thinking??
FFS get rid...then spend the rest of your LIFE making it up to your son.

@Bonbon21

I am sorry.. read only half of page 1.. Never mind asking what is wrong with your husband... what the hell is wrong with you?? This would happen once and his feet wouldnt touch the floor as he left the house for good.. What are you thinking?? FFS get rid...then spend the rest of your LIFE making it up to your son.

Calm THE FUCK DOWN. There is literally NO reason you're berating the OP, she's potentially in a long-term abusive relationship, she doesn't need you sticking the goddamn boot in. She came here for advice, not shit from keyboard warriors like you.

OP - please get some advice, ideally speaking to the Police is the best move, they'll absolutely take you and your statement seriously. Please get help