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Parenting

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Would you host single male refugee with your own 1 y/o?

153 replies

theroux21 · 23/03/2022 20:18

I understand opinions are going to be seriously divided, but I am interested in other parents views.

We have been put in contact with a 38 year old lone male Ukrainian refugee to host in spare bedroom. Myself and partner have a 14 month old son. We would be sharing facilities (bathroom, kitchen, living area). Our 14 month old will sleep in with us so won’t be left unattended at night time. My partner will be at work 7:30am-5pm weekdays, and myself and 14 month old will be home with said man. He is however eager to find work on the farms local to us.

At first I was weary with it being a lone male. We have been messaging back and forth and he is definitely who he says he is (social media accounts, photos sent by him, personal info verified). He has worked in UK as a seasonal farm picker previously. He was working in Czech Republic at time of invasion, his family home was bombed and unable to return home, his work contract ended in Czech R and is now at a German refugee camp (received photos to confirm this). I have found no reason to doubt who he says he is.

Previously, my partner was happy to host a refugee hence the contact being established, but is now totally against hosting a single male refugee, especially whilst myself & child are at home alone. I completely and utterly understand why, however I feel it would now be unfair to turn him away after establishing a rapport.

Both of us (refugee and host) have to be DBS checked, I said that if there is anything flagged on his DBS, I will absolutely stop the application straightaway. However, my partner thinks if he is a bit unsavoury, some of it might not be detected in his DBS. Our council also have to complete checks in our home, so i’d imagine if they felt it would be unsafe to host a lone male refugee they wouldn’t allow the application to go ahead. I would obviously be at our sons side at all times when home.

I feel it’s unfair for most lone male refugees not be given the same chances as others in same position, just in case a few might have bad intentions.

Please be as honest as you need to be :)

OP posts:
timeisnotaline · 23/03/2022 20:27

Some would, some wouldn’t. I would in your circumstances go ahead, they need homes too.

MrsSkylerWhite · 23/03/2022 20:28

No. Unfair, probably but my child would be my first priority.

AHungryCaterpillar · 23/03/2022 20:29

Absolutely not

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 23/03/2022 20:29

No way!

MartinMartinMarti · 23/03/2022 20:29

No.

mumsiedarlingrevolta · 23/03/2022 20:29

sadly not

TabbyMcTatBuskersCat · 23/03/2022 20:29

In your position I would to be fair.

Theala · 23/03/2022 20:30

I wouldn't allow an adult male I didn't know well to stay in my home, no matter their circumstances.

Schoolisback1973 · 23/03/2022 20:30

No I wouldn't

Frazzled2207 · 23/03/2022 20:30

Nope.
Would potentially take a couple or more likely a woman with a child.

LadyLolaRuben · 23/03/2022 20:30

No

Mindymomo · 23/03/2022 20:31

Personally, it wouldn’t be for me but don’t let that put you off. As you say he will probably get work easily, so won’t be around in the daytime.

Gonnagetgoing · 23/03/2022 20:31

No

Tania64 · 23/03/2022 20:31

Absolutely not

Baddit · 23/03/2022 20:31

Sadly it would be a no from me

AthenaPopodopolous · 23/03/2022 20:31

Definitely no. I think your crazy even to consider a male refugee and have any sort of correspondence.
To be honest why are you even considering this when you have a young baby at home?

Pinkpig1 · 23/03/2022 20:32

No

CustardCreamm · 23/03/2022 20:32

No chance

GinIronic · 23/03/2022 20:32

Absolutely not. DBS are not worth the paper they are written on.

TheLoupGarou · 23/03/2022 20:34

No, not in those circumstances

SilverHairedCat · 23/03/2022 20:34

Absolutely not. If he's looking for farm work I've no doubt a farm will be delighted to take him on - they often provide accommodation for seasonal workers anyway. Maybe help him get in touch with another host....

Thewindwhispers · 23/03/2022 20:34

Nope.

You can’t live with a traumatised male stranger just to be polite!

Papayamya · 23/03/2022 20:34

Nope, I'm sure there are some men happy to host other men though! I'll admit my reluctance is based on the actions of a small percentage of men, but no. Checks aren't foolproof either, it just means the person hasn't been caught doing something at the time it was issues. There are plenty who evade ever being found out, and many inappropriate behaviours that wouldn't come up anyway. Again, I'm not saying I'd assume he personally was a risk, but towards men in general I wouldn't want one I didn't know living with me and my family.

SilverHairedCat · 23/03/2022 20:35

www.ft.com/content/3095b3b3-acfb-4b70-95ea-f7bffe102b31 This talks about an increase in the recruitment of people like him.

KevinTurvysGravy · 23/03/2022 20:36

No I wouldn’t.