Parents who had kids in the 70s/80s, can you answer this for me?

[LittleSnakes]

There’s always loads of comments on threads about how in the 80s or whenever, kids had much more freedom. Eg walking to school younger, playing out all day or suchlike. And now parents are too worried to let their kids do that and they do independent things much older than before. Back then, did you genuinely not feel the same worry as I would now, for example. Did you think that a 6 year old would be fine playing out all day and not think about bad things? I am so far away from that in my thinking that I can’t imagine what it would be like to be so relaxed about safety! So I’m curious about it. Was there less anxiety in general back then? Tell me more!

I am a child of the 80s.

My parents let us play out alone for most of the day at 6 YO. We got left alone in the house at age 3/4 while older kids were picked up from school. I remember standing outside shops on my own while my mum went in when I was about 6 or 7. She always tells me stories about how I was left out in the pram to nap all day in all weathers.

What my mum does say is different for her now is that when we were kids, everyone in the street where we lived was a SAHM with kids. So there was always an adult knocking about. Raising kids was a bit more communal them. Now both parents need to work, the community raising the kids has broken down and everyone has to get on with it themselves.

I'm a child of the 70s rather than a parent of but things really were just different. Our parents truly didn't love us any less but society and culture was different. I used to go out all day as a child, playing with groups of friends, long bike rides etc. No mobile phones or tracking. Only came home when it got dark or you smashed your face in coming off your bike. Health and safety wasn't really thought about. Got a rollicking if back after dark but no parents ever worried about where we were. My parents adored me and I was absolutely cherished but no, there was no fretting going on about where I was.

I grew up in the 70s and we did play outside a lot and walk to school on our own. The school was about 500m away to be fair, with one small road to cross. I wasn't out all day unattended aged 6, certainly. We were allowed to play in neighbours gardens. Aged about 10/11 we wandered a lot further and were allowed to the swimming pool, into town etc., and there was a gradual build up in between. The big difference between now and then, (apart from the perceived one of more stranger danger) is TRAFFIC. When I was child there were few cars where I lived. We played tennis in the street.

I grew up in the 80s so I remember what I was like. I was just wondering what it felt like as a parent to not see your kids all day and have no way of getting in contact. I used to be out all day age 5, going fields away.

I am a child of the early 80s, absolutely no way my parents would have let me just wander on my own at that age

I was born in 1980. My parents never left left me and my siblings home alone, or let us play out unsupervised when we were little. I remember going out on my bike along sometimes, and walking into the village with just my brother by the time I was in my early teens.

I don’t think my parents thought anything of leaving us. I mean my dad knew the other dad’s and my mum the other mum’s we grew up amongst rows of terraced houses. Could never really do anything wrong as so many eyes out and about lol. I miss those long skipping ropes we had - don’t even know whose they were. It’s like they belonged to the street? Does anyone play double dutch nowadays?

There weren’t the cars around then either taking up all the space or driven, so it wasn’t perceived as dangerous

All your peers let their children out to play, they didn’t go far & if they went into someone’s house they’d come running back to ask if they could go into so and so house

Children do t knock for each other now, they seem to play on electronic devices or have the odd play date. Playing with other children is really important and I wonder if because they don’t get so much play if it stunts there abilities. Role play, made up games are important for developing and we used to play like this every tea time it seemed ( back in 60s)

I'd say 6 was still a little on the young side, unless you'd roped in reliable older siblings. But this was in an infants/juniors area and moving up was the time that everyone expected their DC to be capable of going out like that.

A lot changed as traffic became so much heavier

OP, I love how your thread title literally says - ‘parents who had kids in the 70s/80s, can you answer this for me?’

And you get a load of people proclaiming - ‘I was a child of the 80s….’

Main difference is that back then there were far more SAHMs and more community involvement on keeping an eye on the children as mums would keep an eye on other kids as they checked on their own and any adult could tell a child off if putting themselves in danger without the parents going ballistic about it.

Now with most people at work and everybody keeping to themselves, it is not as safe to provide kids with the same level of freedom.

I was little in the early 80s, and while we were allowed to play out, we had to stay in the cul de sac we lived in. My parents insisted on being able to see us at all times. We were never left at home alone. My parents roamed around London when they were children though, so something changed for them - scary news stories?

@RussiasGreatestLoveMachine

OP, I love how your thread title literally says - ‘parents who had kids in the 70s/80s, can you answer this for me?’

And you get a load of people proclaiming - ‘I was a child of the 80s….’

True, but how many 80+ years old are in chat rooms? My mum would much rather spend the day in the garden than in social media

@LittleSnakes

I grew up in the 80s so I remember what I was like. I was just wondering what it felt like as a parent to not see your kids all day and have no way of getting in contact. I used to be out all day age 5, going fields away.

My mother might not see us for hours but knew very well that someone in the neighbourhood would knock at her door pretty soon to let her know if we were up to no good. She would do the same for other neighbours.

I was born mid 70s. We never roamed as such but had more freedom than my children. We lived in a small (former pit) village, there were very few cars, there was a good sense of community where everyone looked out for each other, other mothers could equally feed you or tell you off if you were doing something you shouldn't and you listened to them. It's the old "it takes a village to raise a child" adage, I barely know my neighbours now and they wouldn't discipline my children for fear of the repercussions. There were fewer dangers then (i.e. cars) so it felt safer and neighbours were better than any CCTV at keeping an eye on you.

@RussiasGreatestLoveMachine

OP, I love how your thread title literally says - ‘parents who had kids in the 70s/80s, can you answer this for me?’

And you get a load of people proclaiming - ‘I was a child of the 80s….’

Yeah but my mother barely knows what the internet is, let alone Mumsnet.

The 'having no way to get in contact' bit is a thought that never crossed our minds.

Mobile phones simply didn't exist (well they were beginning to in the very late 80s but only the rich or people who needed them for work had them. Pagers were only for work too). So it never crossed anyone's mind that you would always be able to reach someone.

The expectation was that if something bad happened when the DC were out, someone would get in touch with you. Or if you urgently needed them, you'd check the local park and/or ring the homes of the friends you thought they'd be with.

Yeah but my mother barely knows what the internet is, let alone Mumsnet

That doesn't make it true of all though, does it?

And I appreciate I'm not the target audience here but my 72yo mother wouldn't be on mumsnet and I felt I would like to contribute anyway.

I think the cultural change is mums working.

When we were kids mums tended to be about there was no wrap around care. So kids from the street would meet and walk together. Which is a massive difference - safety in numbers. 4/5 year olds weren't walking to school alone they were walking with 4 or 5 older kids.

The same out playing the older kids would look out for LOs but we had our boundaries no further than that lamppost and come in when the street lights come on (Particularly at this time of year).

You have to go back further for kids to have unlimited freedom.

I had my children early 80's. They started to play out on their own age 9, with the other kids in the road, but only in front of the house, which was in a safe cul de sac. They didn't wander much further until they were 11/12. I left one DC in the house alone briefly when they were 11, to take my other DC to a party.

Completely different to when I was a child in the 60's. Allowed to wander wherever at a young age, but it did seem a different time.

I was a child in the 70s and I remember a couple of occasions that showed the parents were a bit more aware of our whereabouts than we thought… once we’d gone blackberrying and must have been gone 8 hours and one of the parents mysteriously materialised to pick us all up -one of us must have mentioned where we were going and when we collectively didn’t show up, the parents had a ring round and sent out a scout then piled 6 of us into the boot of a Renault 4, but that’s a whole different health and safety horror story We didn’t even realise they really knew each other!

Same again, when we were plotting some horror, and suddenly and inexplicably there was a collective parental ban. How did they KNOW, we wailed…

I was a parent in the 80s and I certainly didn't let my 6 year old play out unaccompanied, neither did any other parent I knew. I used to let my child play outside with the other children who lived in the street, but that was when they were 8-9 and they were only allowed outside my house, plus I periodically looked out to check on them.

....oh and I walked to school on my own age 5, but would never contemplate allowing mine to do that at the same age, 20 odd years later!

I have had this converstation with my dad.

He was born in the 50s and used to be out all day. No one watching. He lived in a village and no one minded someone else telling their kids off or helping their kids if they were hurt. It was more of a small involved community.

I was born in the 80s in a city. We weren't allowed to be gone all day etc and I asked him why. He answer was simple. That while he upbringing seemed great and he turned out OK, several of his friends didn't survive childhood, due to accidents that happened because they were unsupervised. Or worse, they may have survived if an adult had been there quicker.

He felt that as news became less localised and everyone heard what happened everywhere else, it was going to make parents more wary. Dad doesn't think anything is more dangerous, he just thinks people's perceptions have changed.

Aside from the amount of traffic on roads, dad thinks that the world was just as dangerous. People just didn't perceive it as such. Like his head teacher liked to run his hand up and down young girls legs while they read their books aloud to him. Dad said no one would dare tell their parents, because you would get the cane for lying.

Or it was known one man in the village was abusing his children (beating them all the time) and no one did anything because you didn't 'interfere'.

Dad said he is in no doubt his parents loved him, they just lived in a different time with different views. He doesn't think it was better though.