Parents who had kids in the 70s/80s, can you answer this for me?

[LittleSnakes]

There’s always loads of comments on threads about how in the 80s or whenever, kids had much more freedom. Eg walking to school younger, playing out all day or suchlike. And now parents are too worried to let their kids do that and they do independent things much older than before. Back then, did you genuinely not feel the same worry as I would now, for example. Did you think that a 6 year old would be fine playing out all day and not think about bad things? I am so far away from that in my thinking that I can’t imagine what it would be like to be so relaxed about safety! So I’m curious about it. Was there less anxiety in general back then? Tell me more!

I am a child of the 70s

We were not allowed to play outside the gate

We walked to school and friends' houses

At 6 and after much pleading, my sister and I were allowed to walk to the end of the street. A man tried to abduct us.

I had my children throughout the 1980s (I am younger than 65, and had my first when I was 22). My children were definitely not allowed to play out all day, in fact until we lived in a very quiet cul-de-sac they were not allowed to play outside of our garden without adult supervision. When they were 11 they were allowed to walk to school alone, but it was across a reasonably quiet road within a well laid out estate. I don't recognise the times you are describing OP as being in the '80's at all, well not in the two different parts of the country that I lived in at that time.

I was a SAHM, but that was very rare where I lived, I had no near neighbours who did not work, and I had quite a lonely existence until the children came home from school - I was, and am quite shy, so didn't used to approach the few mums at the school gates who would already be chatting in a group. The times you describe are how it was for me when I was growing up in the 1960's, and even then, apart from being allowed to walk home from school on my own from the age of 9, my SAHM would only let me play outside if she could look out of a window and see me - I grew up in the home counties if that makes any difference.

Primary school aged in the seventies. I was walking a mile or so home from school from the age of 7/8. Used to play out from after breakfast until tea time unless it was absolutely pouring. Mum worked - the mothers of most of my friends worked, looking back. Every family had a car, so there were certainly plenty of cars about, but not the 2-3 car households we seem to have today.

I walked home from school on my own most of the time, but when we were out playing we were out in a 'gang' of about 5-6. Any adult would tell us off if we were misbehaving (flooding the garage area because we'd turned the tap on then couldn't turn it off again, making a hole in someone's garden hedge so we could get to the rec' quicker, stealing raspberries out of a neighbour's garden etc etc) and we wouldn't mention it at home because we knew we'd get a bigger row.

I had a brilliant, unfettered, stress free childhood, and the best parents.

Oh, and my Mum's in her nineties and isn't interested in 'that computer thing'.

We were 'latch key' kids from the age of 9/10

I grew up in the 1970s in a village. There were fewer cars on the road. There were also more adults about - not just mums, but unemployment rates were high in our area, so more adults at home all day.

To be brutely honest neither of these were the reason why me and many of the children in my street were allowed out all day unsupervised. It was because, to be frank, it would never cross our parents minds to keep us in. They were not going to bother 'entertaining' us as they had never been 'entertained' themselves as children. My parents must have been fully aware that in the summer were playing in the local river, or walking miles from home with no way of contacting them in an emergency, but they just seemed to accept that there was a remote possibility that something bad might happen, but it was just less work for them if we went off on our own anyway.

I remember the odd reminder about not getting into strangers cars but nothing more than that. I think the assumption was that we were all out together and that there was safety in numbers.

If we had stayed home what would we have done? TV was limited to three channels with very little children's programming. We had toys, but not that many as money was tight. Swimming lessons cost money so that was out - and we didn't have a car so could not have got there anyway.

I did have friends who had parents who were more involved. They could only play in the garden and were signed up for brownies, Sunday school and swimming lessons. They had at least one working parent at home. I do think my parents neglected us as both had nothing else to do all day. But they were just repeating the parenting they had experienced.

My children did not have those freedoms - and lost a little in the process. I think they are less resilient and less independent, but that was a small price to pay. I had the money to sign them up for activities, and of course they had far more 'stuff' to keep them at home - more TV, more gaming.

I’m a child of the early 80s. We didn’t play out all day, because who would feed us at lunch time? Ahh yes, my mum. She always ended up feeding all these “I just go out at breakfast and come back at tea time” kids.

A lot of it depended on our age, of course. Younger than about 8, we needed to stay very local. Beyond that we had limits and timescales. And when the stories came of the guy in the Capri who had approached a child to try and kidnap them, (and that story happened quite a lot) we weren’t allowed out.

People talk a lot of bullshit about “oh in my day I was tramping over fields riding 20 miles a day on my bike” as if that was the norm. Sure those living rurally might have done, and those kids probably still do. But the vast majority of people didn’t live rurally, and their kids didn’t spend all day on their bikes and tramping fields.

BoredZelda, we always had packets of jam sandwiches for lunch but ate then as soon as we were out of sight of the house........ mainly because a jam sandwich that's been stuffed in a pocket for 4 hours is not a thing of beauty.

@ivykaty44

There weren’t the cars around then either taking up all the space or driven, so it wasn’t perceived as dangerous

All your peers let their children out to play, they didn’t go far & if they went into someone’s house they’d come running back to ask if they could go into so and so house

Children do t knock for each other now, they seem to play on electronic devices or have the odd play date. Playing with other children is really important and I wonder if because they don’t get so much play if it stunts there abilities. Role play, made up games are important for developing and we used to play like this every tea time it seemed ( back in 60s)

What? Of course there were cars around in the 70s and 80s! I had my dd mid 80s. Young kids didn’t play out for hours on end with their parents not knowing where they were. They’d play in the back street with a mix of ages and there would always be at least 1 parent keeping an eye on them.

@Imabouttoexplode

I'm a child of the 70s rather than a parent of but things really were just different. Our parents truly didn't love us any less but society and culture was different. I used to go out all day as a child, playing with groups of friends, long bike rides etc. No mobile phones or tracking. Only came home when it got dark or you smashed your face in coming off your bike. Health and safety wasn't really thought about. Got a rollicking if back after dark but no parents ever worried about where we were. My parents adored me and I was absolutely cherished but no, there was no fretting going on about where I was.

Same here. My brother was 2 yrs older than me but we used to play out in the local streets with other kids and go out on bikes and the only rule was "home before dark"!

I was also going out at night and to nearby cities in the day with friends at 15, yet my oldest is about to turn 16 and I really worry about them going out with friends as there is always something in the local or national news about attacks and worse.

I wish they could have the freedom I had.

I’m still in my 60s - just - and I wasn’t a “young” mum. My children were born in 1980 and 1983. They didn’t “play out” as such when young as we had a garden and I used to go with them but by 9/10 DD was biking to her friend’s house alone, five miles, partly along a main road (she called me from the friend’s when she arrived) and by 11 DS was travelling alone by train to a local railway museum where he helped out for a day, supervised by a random collection of railway enthusiasts.

i was never allowed to play out on the streets at a young age, i'm a child of the 80s (born 81) and 90s.
I would say a few years into what was moddle school then so around year 6 (so age 10/11) i would be allowed to walk or cycle to school which was around 2+ miles away.
I was also allowed to go for long bike rides with my best friend and we would cover a lot of miles around and just out of town.
We did grow up on a rough council estate though and I wasnt allowed to mingle with the other kids there.

Can't relate to this at all.
We grew up in the 80s and were not allowed to play out at all.
We were allowed playdates at others houses and they could come to ours etc.
I remember the very first time at 10 my mom letting me walk myself to school (she was actually flowing at a distance.

The only real difference I can see to now was that at 11 when we started senior school we had bus passes and made our own way there, no lifts or phone to check we arrived etc.

I should add i was traveling the country to see various friends on public transport by age 14 with no mobile phone.

I asked my mum, she said she thinks the big difference is media/public. They knew that something happening to us was unbelievably unlikely (as it is now). When cases of something awful happened everyone thought it was either a terrible tragedy or the fault of the ‘bad guy’. It wouldn’t occur to people to blame the parents for something very unlikely and normal.
She thinks the nail in the coffin of kids freedom was the way Madeline Mccan was written about.

I do think area plays a part, if your in an new area with lots of kids then they are more likely to play out the kids in a street full of older people who's kids are all grown up.

Most parents of my 70s born friends are early 70s and capable of using a phone!

I won't reply because I am not a parent from that era, except to say that, as a child, my 40s-born DM got on a bus at 6 by herself to go to school and that would never have happened to anyone I know in the 70s.

I had my DC in the 80s . I worked full time ( 3 months Maternity Leave!) as did my friends so don’t agree there were more SAHMs . In fact my DD’s social group currently consists of mostly SAHMs and they are genuinely shocked to hear I returned to work when she and DS were so tiny .
I certainly never left them alone at home but they did play outside with other DC . We had a garden plus lived in a cul de sac so it was safe . DC didn’t have so many activities! I taught them both to swim and they went to Brownies/ Cubs but that was it . I worried , of course I did , but I don’t think I was as hyper protective as my DD is .

There was safety in numbers, no-one was alone. The populations of towns and villages were not transient and were generally well known. Everybody used the same shops and you knew the wrong 'uns and told you children to stay away from that man at number 23 who always has his hand down his trousers. When things went bad it tended to stay local, only big stories made the papers, there was no 24/7 news.

It's not that the incidence has necessarily gone up or down but if yours is the only child on the street then they are more at risk than if they are in a group of three or four.

we always had packets of jam sandwiches for lunch but ate then as soon as we were out of sight of the house

Aye, alright, washed down with lashings of ginger beer no doubt.

I had one DS in the 70’s, two DS in the 80’s and DD in 91.

We lived in two villages one by the sea in Scotland and yes a lot of the children were allowed out to play but I didn’t let mine. They did go to school on the bus on their own from Reception /P1. It was 4 miles.

One child went missing and had been out all day. It involved the police and villagers looking for her. She was 6. A worrying time for everyone but she turned up safe. Her mum didn’t let her out after that.
We went to the beach every Friday and a crowd of mums and kids. We had our tea picnic and chips and they played around and fished from the pier. It was great. Lots of men worked away so it was company.

We moved to England when boys were 8, 5 and toddler and I still kept them in. We had a large garden and I took them to the playing field as I did in Scotland I just took a magazine and a flask so I had a rest while they played with other children. In the village in England the parents were stricter and let their children play as long as they knew whose house. It is very close so the kids would run home and check if changing venues. I did let them go as long as other parents were ok with it. They was quite a few as they grew and so they were allowed to the playing field but always told not to leave a child on their own. The motorway is near and there had been a few missing children in other parts of the country so most of the mums were cautious. My best friend and I used to take them to the woods to build dens etc. They were allowed to roam but always within shouting distance. When they were teens they were allowed to go as it is only 1/2 a mile away.
DD was much younger and her friends lived across the green so they played at either house.
Our garden was always full of kids but now it is so quiet. BF has 7 grandchildren so it is noisy there if all of them are there. Across the green they have 13 so also busy. Some of the other parents are still here.
My mum was a worrier so I guess I was more careful too. I couldn’t have let them out all day not knowing where they were. I love children so I was happy to have others here. It is lovely to see the now adult children with their families and have a chat to them when they come back to the village. There was lots here last Christmas and there was a Carol Service on the Green so they were all back singing together😃

I had my children in the 80's, and no I never let my 6 year old play outside unsupervised . Once they got to about 10, they'd play with the local kids at the park or in each other's gardens - as long as I knew where they were I'd leave them be.

Same with walking to and from school - once they were about 9 or 10 they walked to the bus stop, caught the bus and then walked five minutes to school , unaccompanied. Of course there were lots of other kids doing the same thing so they weren't ever doing it alone.

My ds was born in mid 80's.
I worked p/t.
I never left him home alone.
From about 9 he called on friends and they rode their bikes around the estate.
He walked to school but it was at the top of our road.

My dgs is 9 and plays out on his estate.
His dp's know roughly where he is, he has to come home if his friends go in and he knows not to leave the estate. His dp's usually can see him anyway from the window and in summer the windows are open and you can hear the dc.
He's never left alone in the house.

I worked full time ( 3 months Maternity Leave!) as did my friends so don’t agree there were more SAHMs

You did it (and some friends) so that’s how it was?

You can disagree all you like but the actual statistics of what was actually happening tell a different story.

According to the IFS in 2018, the proportion of working aged mothers women in the workforce had raised by 50% since the mid 70s. Fewer than half of working age mums worked in the early 80s. It’s now over 70%

DM (82) says children were sensible (mostly), they were trained to be self sufficient as normally larger families. She trained us not to speak to strangers and to look both ways when crossing the road. What would now be described, somewhat detrimentally, as being streetwise. Yes the dangers that are are here now were always there but you didn't hear about them due to no internet and 3 tv channels.

Thanks for the replies! I do think that media and those awful public awareness films have made a difference. And as someone said, more widespread news rather than just local news. And it’s so true about entertaining the kids. There wasn’t all day tv like there is now. Maybe there’s also something about there being more pressure these days to do everything you can to help kids do well. So there’s less free time in general.

But it seems that lots of parents also didn’t let their kids out all day. So maybe it did depend. Most mums I knew back then had jobs. So I don’t think it’s about sahm or not.

And surely plenty of people in their 70s who would have had kids back then use mumsnet! Everyone i know in their 70s uses the internet and has a smart phone.

I had my first 2 early 80,s and lived in a cul de sac with a green space in one corner. They played with other children on the green space for hours at a time but I could see them from the front door . They were allowed to go to the next road where there was a small park with friends to play football for an hour when they were about 8 and could tell the time! Don’t think it would happen today though. I suppose I thought they would be ok in a group, no roads to cross etc.
They walked home from school together ( only round the corner, no roads to cross) in the juniors.
3 rd child born in early 90’s allowed to go to park with big brothers about aged 5.
Older ones were allowed to stay at home for a couple of hours if I was out with the baby for a couple of hours aged from about 10/11 however I always told my lovely neighbour I was going out and she would have been on hand if there was a problem. All of my friends were stay at home mums and we all were similar in what we allowed our children to do.
However, I never take my eyes off of my grandchildren for one second when I’m looking after them! A combination of the responsibility of looking after someone else’s child, following their parents routines and changing times.