Help! Don't understand how toddler can do a full day out without a pushchair

[Rosebud1302]

Hi all,

I have a real internal conflict in my head about the whole pushchair situation. I know, silly thing to worry about in the grand scheme of life but I'm struggling with it.

My son is nearly 3 and a half. Now obviously for shorter trips he walks, goes on his bike etc. That is all fine. But I am really struggling with how he is meant to cope with full days out without it. He simply won't manage walking all day. I know this for a fact! I mean, I even struggle as an adult but I don't understand what that transition period is between being young enough to have a pushchair and being old enough to cope with a full day out is?

When I say full days out I mean a visit to a city using trains/buses to get there and back, walking round visiting place, then getting home and walking from the station to home. Or a full day at the zoo which again will mean public transport, a walk to and from home and walking round a zoo.

I just don't understand how he will manage that but also I feel like everyone will judge me if I bring a pushchair. I don't have a younger child so there isn't a buggy board etc.

Can anyone let me know what they did for full days out when their kids were his age? Carrying him isn't an option for more than a few minutes due to a bad back. I also don't want to just not go out with him because I adore taking him out and he loves it too. But the tired tantrums if I made him walk all day wouldn't be fun!

Thank you :)

Just use the buggy, good place for dumping, jackets and bags until LO decides they are tired an want a rest.

There's a reason why certain theme parks hire out buggies.

These threads always crack me up - there are always people who are "surprised" that people can get their children to sit in a pushchair after the age of 18m based on their scientific sample of approx 2 children 🤣

A day out using/sitting on public transport is NOTHING like using the car - e.g. for us to go to the nearest city park for the day we can walk to the driveway and sit in the car for 45 minutes, park up, couple of minutes walk, couple of minutes walk back to the car, sit down - usually nap there then walk from drive way to house.

To go by public transport we'd need to walk 1.5 miles at toddler pace to the train station, 0.75 mile walk to the park, run around for a few hours, 0.75 mile walk back to the station, 1.5 miles walk home. Hopefully we'd get a seat on the train but not guaranteed as we live in the Highlands with 2 hourly trains with 2-3 carriages.

So car = 1 mile extra walking (being generous with that if we need to park out of the way) whilst train = 4.5 miles.

Not to mention carrying bags for a picnic, drinks, snacks, change of clothes, jackets etc...

But yes, fully admit that British people use pushchairs/prams more than in other places such as Asia. That's not because they're children are better than ours, it's because they tend to carry their children in slings more and it's not uncommon at all to see a 3/4 year old on an adults back after a long trek!

Ignore the posters with one amazing walking child who hasn’t needed a pushchair since they were 18 months. Some kids take longer.

Bit at the same time don’t underestimate their abilities and give them the opportunity to show you they can do it.

We also need to carry more stuff in this country. When I've been abroad there are often water fountains available and free water at indoor attractions, and more available locker storage. In warmer climates you don't need to take waterproofs/hats/gloves/spare trousers.

Do what you have to do OP, if you are happy to take the pushchair along and it makes for a happier day out then why not?!

Neither of mine walked before 16m - both would hop in/out of the pushchair or sling until 3.5 if they were worn out. They're 16 and 9 now and walk/cycle/run for miles most days so can't really see the issue 🤷‍♀️

honestly at 3 on long days out, eg to London, we took a fold up buggy.

It was really useful for dumping stuff in too

Well, this thread is an eye-opener! I didn't realise buggy use for little kids was an issue?? If you know your child gets tired and will likely refuse to walk, you still need a buggy in your life. Assuming child has no physical disabilities and is neurotypical, you can be fairly confident it won't be needed past the age of 5, surely?

My three year old still won't walk even fairly short distances (i.e. the flat,

@Bonheurdupasse

I don't understand how this works abroad - in France say? Or further out - in Asia? Never saw children older than 2 in a pram / buggy board / buggy etc in France , or Japan, or Hungary for ex!

Why is there such a huge cultural difference?

There are many many children older than 2 in pushchairs here in Japan. I have friends who use them for there 3, 4, 5 year old - it's just the same as in the UK.

Just use it.

Ds isn’t quite 2 year so I have no idea what he will be like at 3 1/2 yet, but I will use if needed.
At the moment he’s fine when we go out for the day somewhere like the farm as will drive there, walk and run around a few hours and then head home. I don’t let him walk in the busy city across roads or in a shop when I’m trying to order something boring like a wardrobe as he would be a nightmare or unsafe if my attention wasn’t 100% on him.

When it’s freezing and wet as well, I just sometimes want to get from a to b in as quick time as possible, with him dry rather than a 10 min journey taking 1hr picking up stones and chasing a cat. There’s times when that’s fine and times not.

At 3 1/2 I imagine we will still use ours, maybe not often, but for full days out like you say or travel maybe. Sometimes is just for convenience of parents to have them strapped in 20mins when it’s safer or faster, but what’s wrong with that.

Childminders saying ‘ oh the children I look after’ don’t need one. Yes but childminders usually spend their days focused on the children, you have trips to school, parks, supermarkets, farm or similar.
You aren’t waiting 2hrs in a queue at customs at the airport, or getting off train at 10pm from visiting sick family or shopping for new kitchen tiles, or any other boring and long things that sometimes kids just have to do if parents have no choice.

Good public transport in tourist areas?

Honestly, after standing 3hrs at Heathrow arrivals covid chaos last year ( baby Ds was in pram), i wish they did adult prams.

Why are people so funny about pushchairs? I was with my first too, then my second refused to walk anywhere, ever, and was in it until she went to school.

No one will be looking, judging or caring. Take the pushchair! They are useful to put all your stuff in too!

Take the pushchair it will make life easier! He won’t need it forever.

And yes I would be tired after a day out like that and I run ultramarathons 🤣

Just take the buggy. It's a fun day out, not an endurance test.

We visit London a lot and I would always either take a buggy for my 4yo or be prepared to shell out on a taxi to and from the station when we're coming home. We have to walk two miles to the station then the train is often packed so we end up standing the whole way as we don't get a seat (or sitting on the floor in the corridor). Then it's usually a walk and multiple stairs to the tube, stand on the tube and then a 10 minute walk to wherever we're going. We usually then walk a couple of miles to the nearest big park for lunch and to visit the playground there, then walk or catch a bus to where we're going in the afternoon and then we need to get ourselves back across London to the station for the train home. Quite a lot of our activities involve walking at least a few miles too - Kew Gardens, Regents Park, walking along the South Bank. DS manages to walk for most of the time, but I have no interest in having to repeatedly stop and find a coffee shop and buy something so he can rest his tired legs when he can just hop in and we can get on our way. Nor do I just want to do short 'child-friendly' trips - I want to get some exercise too!

I've never had the patience for scooters when on day trips as they just get bored and expect you to carry it🤷

I think buggy has a practical element to it. Handy for shoving coats on, snacks, drinks.

The only reason why Asians / Indians / Europeans don’t use puschairs consistantly is because many countries don’t have wide pavements / reliable road crossings / road rules / smooth terraisn and so slings (used up until 4-6) are most convenient. In East Asia parents usually carry their kids on their back - mums until 3 and dads until 6-8. In India and China parents who live in huge cities often avoid walking with young kids altogether and will travel even short distances with them on a motorbike (which becomes a pushchair by proxy - have seen parents use them to make 100m journeys across a road too).

Childminders saying ‘ oh the children I look after’ don’t need one. Yes but childminders usually spend their days focused on the children, you have trips to school, parks, supermarkets, farm or similar.

Yes, our childminder normally stayed within a 3 mile radius with the children. The farthest they ever seemed to get was the library or the city farm (both around a mile away). And she'd have the smaller ones in a double buggy and a buggy board for the bigger ones to take turns on.

The reason I'm so adamant on this is because I've fucked my neck up giving shoulder rides to whingy tired kids! If your kid can manage and you can hack it too - great, do your thing without the pushchair. I wish I had just thought less about what others thought when my kids were little and taken one more often!

In fact if I could bless my past self with a little wish from the future it would be the ability to not second guess myself all the time as a parent of small children.

If you’re going for a full day trip out, the use the buggy. There’s no point making your life difficult for the sake of other people’s judgement.

That being said, I think it’s sensible to consider how much pushchairs are used and whether it’s might be better for both parent and child to not automatically reach for it. We all sit too much.

I used to carry my youngest on my shoulders a lot, up until school age. If you can manage that, it’s a great option. Of course, I started doing it when they were very little and did it regularly enough to get stronger as they got bigger. I miss the regular weight training now, and should probably join a gym instead.

This is a long thread, so I won't add much, except to say...

Never once in my life have I walked past a pushchair and noticed the age of the child in it, let alone judged!

practice
and it's never 'the whole day'

for a day to the zoo for example it's
sit on a bus or in a car to get there
walk around a bit
stand in a queue a bit
standing admiring the animals
sit down for a snack
playground
more walking
standing admiring the animals
sit down for a meal
sit on a bus or in a car to get home

yes it's tiring, but not impossible.

When dd was 4 she was a very good walker, but when we went to New York for a few days I picked up a cheap stroller on Craiglist because I knew what New York is like for walking and we were SO GRATEFUL, as was she, presumably! We would absolutely have had to carry her. Surprisingly, she slept in it every single day, when she had long since dropped her afternoon nap.

I think a full day out in a big city isn't just tough on little legs, it can be a bit overwhelming too. A stroller can be a nice safe retreat, so I think bringing a stroller if you're taking a 3 year old to London for a full day is perfectly reasonable.

If you literally LIVE in the city, then obviously you don't need the stroller for a child of that age, because your way of occupying space and moving around is different. Few Parisian mothers are leaving the flat at 9am with their 3 year olds and walking around the city, visiting museums, galleries, cafes and shops until 6pm or later the way you might when having a "day out" in a new city.

I live in Japan, you see fewer over 3s in buggies largely because EVERYONE puts their kid on the back of the bike instead (how is this any different?)! Those who don't ride a bike do tend to take buggies with them if they are out all day. Just take a buggy. You can dump the bag on it most of the time, he can hop onto it when he is tired (and you can strap him into it and leg it if he is lying on the pavement being a pain). Who cares what other people think?

Oh, have we had someone saying "Use a scooter!" yet?

Few 3yos have the coordination to use a scooter safely or for long periods of time. I saw a child almost hit by a car the other day when their scooter shot to the edge of the curb and the child flew over the handlebars and landed half in, half out of the road, with her feet tangled up in the handlebars of the scooter so she was unable to move. It was extremely scary.

Of course, the most likely outcome is that they will scoot for five minutes, get bored and refuse to do it any more, and then you will spend the rest of the day carrying a scooter round AND trying to get a 3yo to walk alongside you at the same time.

I think most parents shocked by buggy used past age 2 drive. I don’t drive and if we’re going on public transport out for the day I have to put my 3 yr 1 month child in the buggy. He’s tired after walking the 1.5 miles to the train station, then to run around on whatever day out we have planned and walk 1.5 miles back to the house would be too much. I’m not underestimating him. Anywhere local and he walks, he can walk for 3 miles or more with a break. I won’t ever get anywhere if I walk long distances at his slow pace and then I have to cope with the whining to be carried- I can’t physically carry him more than a few paces (I’m quite petite and he’s skinny but tall). He also comes out of the buggy a lot and holds onto the sides when we walk around.

I find it quite outstanding that I’ll be the one judged for turning up with a 3 year old in a buggy, having walked for miles (in all weather) and having maybe used public transport, by people who’ve arrived with their children in their heated, comfortable, polluting cars.

Just use the buggy.