Leaving my 17 year old to work abroad

[Tola39321]

So...
I am a single mother of 2. I have a 17 year old son and 3 year old daughter. Both of my children's birthdays are next month.
We live in London. I have been doing very well in
profession and for the past 4 years I have provided my children with luxuries that most could only dream of.
I decided to invest a big chunk of money in the summer (which is doing well btw) but I cannot touch my profits for another year.
Long story short, I am broke! :( I have found it so difficult to find another contract and I have bills coming out of my ears. I have recently been offered an amazing contract in the middle East. Free accommodation, free schooling for my youngest child and an amazing salary. The contract is for 6 months and I can extend the contract if I desire.
My only reservation is leaving my DS behind. He is quite upset about me leaving him in the UK. He will be staying with his father. I have explained to him that with the money I am able to save, I can ensure he has everything he needs for university in September and My DD can go to private school. I feel retched about leaving him but I feel I have no choice. I will see DS every 6 weeks when I fly him out to the middle east or when I fly back to the UK. Nothing I do or say seems to cheer him up. Help!

I thought you meant you were abandoning your son with strangers or to live alone!

He's going to live with his dad. He"ll be fine! Yes, he will miss you but sometimes we have to go where the work is. It's only 6 months.

Sounds like an amazing experience. I know lots of people who have lived and worked in the ME and every one of them has had a ball and made money.

Have you ever left a child for 6 months during their A levels @THisbackwithavengeance? Or supported one through A levels?

He's going to live with his dad. He"ll be fine! Yes, he will miss you but sometimes we have to go where the work is. It's only 6 months.

How can you assume that, you have no idea what the relationship is like with the dad. Not great by the sounds of it as he didn't bat an eye lid when dad was planning to work aboard and is clearly unhappy a not being left with him. Also it's not quite as straightforward as on another post OP states he (or she) will live between dad and auntie

@RampantIvy

Have you ever left a child for 6 months during their A levels *@THisbackwithavengeance*? Or supported one through A levels?

Supporting one now. Would still go.

Actually, there is lots of stability for my children. Both has trust funds which they can access when they are 21.

Seems to always come back to money with the OP. Not about actually being together.

This might be a good opportunity for him to cut the apron strings a bit before going to university. He has plenty of adult support around him and he’ll learn he’ll be fine. I think it’s a good experience for young people to find out that it’ll work out ok if they’re worried about something. So acknowledge his anxiety etc but stay positive about the move and your reasons for doing it. Good luck!

I couldn't have done that with DR @THisbackwithavengeance. She doesn't have the same kind of resilience as your DC. Also, thing might change as A levels get closer. Being a shoulder to cry on when an exam didn't go well. Getting them to school on time for an exam when the bus is late (we are rural), etc.

TBH, I still can't get my head around parents being able to emotionally and physically detach from their DC at an important time in their schooling.

If it is sink or swim how to you deal with a sinking DC if you aren't there?

How old are your DC @Subbaxeo?
Loads of students at university aren't coping, so it is clear that they don't automatically develop resilience at 18 either.

You're right, @RampantIvy, even very capable, well prepared A level students can get wobbly, have a bad paper, get overwhelmed.
Maybe your son will cope really well, OP, but remember that the place at Warwick (or any other university) is not a done deal and it's a very stressful time.

I am only putting my view on here having been through GCSEs, A levels and university exams with DD, and now a dissertation. And my experience is that she needed my support.

It takes a very strong, and possibly emotionally detached young person to not need any kind of emotional support, and being several thousand miles away in a different time zone is not the same at all.

Four months before A levels DD was fine. Mid A levels she wasn't.

Did op not come back after the Warwick University revelation?

@AlDanvers

Did op not come back after the Warwick University revelation?

Looks like they've also had their post on the other thread removed too.

Such dross.

And it wouldn't be tax free for the reasons a pp has pointed out.

Not tax free, not an unconditional offer.

Still as the OP ha repeatedly said in this thread, lol

Yeah there isn't much you can do to cheer him up - but as you think he's old enough to be without you for 6 months during his critical exams, then tell him to put his big boy pants on and deal with it (because he's going to have to)

But the 3yr old, no chance on this earth would I be dragging her to Qatar on my own whilst I'm working all day for 6 months. No chance.

What was their post on the other thread, @BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz ?

I can't think of a time I needed my mum to be there to support me emotionally more than when I was just starting to become an adult. It's a difficult and stressful time with so much that is new and uncertain. The really weird thing is you don't seem to have any real empathy for how he is feeling because you're going to be making loads of money and so are at peace with your decision. Your obsession with money makes me feel slightly ill tbh.

@Tola39321

So... I am a single mother of 2. I have a 17 year old son and 3 year old daughter. Both of my children's birthdays are next month. We live in London. I have been doing very well in profession and for the past 4 years I have provided my children with luxuries that most could only dream of. I decided to invest a big chunk of money in the summer (which is doing well btw) but I cannot touch my profits for another year. Long story short, I am broke! :( I have found it so difficult to find another contract and I have bills coming out of my ears. I have recently been offered an amazing contract in the middle East. Free accommodation, free schooling for my youngest child and an amazing salary. The contract is for 6 months and I can extend the contract if I desire. My only reservation is leaving my DS behind. He is quite upset about me leaving him in the UK. He will be staying with his father. I have explained to him that with the money I am able to save, I can ensure he has everything he needs for university in September and My DD can go to private school. I feel retched about leaving him but I feel I have no choice. I will see DS every 6 weeks when I fly him out to the middle east or when I fly back to the UK. Nothing I do or say seems to cheer him up. Help!

Well, I am here!! In beautiful, sunny Qatar. :) My son has since turned 18 and my daughter has turned 4!! I wa able to fly my son out for his 18th bday and he had such an amazing time. He is now considering taking a year out to come and live and work here with me before he goes of to university. He is even planning on coming back next month for Easter!!

My daughter found it a little difficult for the 1st couple of weeks but now she can't wait to get rid of me when I drop her to class in the morning.

I am so so happy I made the decision to come.
My son has handed in 2 pieces of course work for two of his A levels and the final piece is due in a few weeks.

I decided to invest in home tutors for two of his A level subjects just to ensure he has as much access to learning as possible. He's doing well so far.

Work is also just amazing. My work load to not as heavy as what I thought it would be. I've met some mums on line and we have lad lots of play dates for our children.

Thank you to all of the parents that encouraged me to take the opportunity.
As for those who didn't... I understood your criticism but some of you just seem bitter and angry. Insinuating that I value money over my children. Smh.

England is not easy, especially London where costs are rising but salaries remain the same. No thank you! I am happy to be here with my amazing, tax free salary, a housing allowance, cheap petrol (although I am unable to drive here as of yet) new expat friends from around the world and great colleagues.

Bye now :)

My DS does not get to make that choice. I am the parent and I am doing what I believe is best

@Schoolchoicesucks

I can't forsee any circumstances in which I'd do this. You seem to be in quite different financial circumstances to me (with private schooling and investments). Yet have this short term cash flow issue which can only be solved by taking a job in the middle east just before your eldest dc's A-levels.

I would absolutely be prioritising stability for my dc at this stage over almost anything else. Looking to pull out of whatever investments I'd tied my money up in, sucking up the loss. Taking whatever contract role I could locally to tide me over in the short term, seeing if I could take a break on mortgage payments etc etc.

If the Middle East is somewhere I wanted to go for a time to earn money as I though that would be in mine and my family's interests, I'd be waiting until my eldest was settled at uni (by which I mean probably 2nd year or end of 1st year rather than this September!).

Covid also gives me cause for concern - travel is much trickier now than it has been for most of the last 10 years. It's not as easy to travel back at short notice.

Travel is fine now. This an opportunity not to be missed! I am glad I did not miss it, so is my son. :)

@TheHoptimist

Do your employer know that you are a single parent? Married and divorced or not married at the birth?

My employer knows and doesn't care. My employer is actually from Leeds. He left Britain 11 years ago and hasn't been back since

@Subbaxeo

This might be a good opportunity for him to cut the apron strings a bit before going to university. He has plenty of adult support around him and he’ll learn he’ll be fine. I think it’s a good experience for young people to find out that it’ll work out ok if they’re worried about something. So acknowledge his anxiety etc but stay positive about the move and your reasons for doing it. Good luck!

Thank you for your kind and positive words x

@Mintyt

I think it will do him good for you to go, he will be fine. It sounds like you have a lovely son, even if you was moving to the other end of this country he would miss you. He will be fine

Thank you. I am here and have no regrets

@RancidOldHag

I can see why it's hard, but I think a teenager living with one parent whilst the other works away for 6 months is fine.

Has your DS been able to articulate why he is so very unhappy about it?

How were you going to cope if this opportunity had not come up? Can you still do that?

(And in the longer term, does DS want to go to university? How does he feel about living away from home then?)

My son just said when I got my job offer, only then did it hit him that I'd be so far away. My has affected one of his offers and together we looked at the accommodation that he would be living in when going to uni. He's so excited. It's was so lovely That we could do that together (we did that while he was here, visiting) I don't know how I would had coped tbf. Maybe I would have gotten a lodger? I thank the Lord I did not have to make that decision. Phew

@JugglingJanuary

Why did you spend all the money on luxuries with no thought for stability for your children?

As an aside I would not go to the ME as a single woman, with a 3yo DD.

What job will you be doing?

It's no wonder your DS isn't happy about it.

Cudda, shudda wudda.🙄 Why does that matter now? What's done is done.