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Original poster

Leaving my 17 year old to work abroad

229 replies

Tola39321 · 22/01/2022 17:46

So...
I am a single mother of 2. I have a 17 year old son and 3 year old daughter. Both of my children's birthdays are next month.
We live in London. I have been doing very well in
profession and for the past 4 years I have provided my children with luxuries that most could only dream of.
I decided to invest a big chunk of money in the summer (which is doing well btw) but I cannot touch my profits for another year.
Long story short, I am broke! :( I have found it so difficult to find another contract and I have bills coming out of my ears. I have recently been offered an amazing contract in the middle East. Free accommodation, free schooling for my youngest child and an amazing salary. The contract is for 6 months and I can extend the contract if I desire.
My only reservation is leaving my DS behind. He is quite upset about me leaving him in the UK. He will be staying with his father. I have explained to him that with the money I am able to save, I can ensure he has everything he needs for university in September and My DD can go to private school. I feel retched about leaving him but I feel I have no choice. I will see DS every 6 weeks when I fly him out to the middle east or when I fly back to the UK. Nothing I do or say seems to cheer him up. Help!

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Original poster
Tola39321 · 22/01/2022 18:49

Thank you! I feel it's the right thing to do and have tried to prepare him as much as possible.
We have worked out a schedule to keep him busy. I have bought camera so we can see and speak to each other via cameras every day. I have paid for a therapist for the next few weeks. His father, him and I had a meeting.
I had my son whole at university and we grew up together. We are very, very close. I would love to stick him in.my pocket and take him with my but I can't. He is 18 in a few weeks.

OP posts:
TheHoptimist · 22/01/2022 18:49

Single mother- which country is it?

Original poster
Tola39321 · 22/01/2022 18:50

Wish I could take him with me but he is doing his A levels. He has been accepted at a Russell group University! He has to focus on his studies

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Lobakgo · 22/01/2022 18:50

Where in the ME? As a different angle, some ME counties have closed to non-residebts at short notice and for long periods because of Covid. This was the case for Oman and KSA for example and I think is still the case for Kuwait. Plus all (?) countries as far as I'm aware require a negative PCR to enter and some people test negative for months after getting Covid. My concern in doing this would be the risk of being separated from my child for months.

Plus I would cash in investments rather than make my son go through such a massive change in his A-level year. It could impact his results and his future.

Original poster
Tola39321 · 22/01/2022 18:50

I will be moving to Qatar

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Original poster
Tola39321 · 22/01/2022 18:54

I tied up my money because the investment was too good to refuse. My son also goes to private school. I decided to pay for the next six months on full so at least his education won't be affected. We are not starving and I have enough to pay the mortgage, pay bills and eat. That's it.

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Original poster
Tola39321 · 22/01/2022 18:56

I actually want to cheer him up because it is Devastating to see him sad. Please don't assume anything about me. Thank you

OP posts:
Shmithecat2 · 22/01/2022 18:57

I'd do it. He'll be off to Uni soon, and he has his father. I would repeat what was said upthread about the length of time out there - make it at least a year or you'll get spanked for tax when you get back. He can visit, I think he'll really like it!

BennysBingoBonanza · 22/01/2022 19:00

Sounds like you have made your mind up but personally I would not do this. I think you will regret it. Is there no possibility of work closer to home?

draramallama · 22/01/2022 19:00

@Tola39321

Wish I could take him with me but he is doing his A levels. He has been accepted at a Russell group University! He has to focus on his studies
So why are you destabilising his life at such a critical time?

Describing yourself as broke when you have enough money to pay all your living costs plus six months of private school fees upfront is laughable.

Fireflygal · 22/01/2022 19:01

If he really isn't happy then his Alevels are a risk.

You know your son, I couldn't do it but plenty of men do.

Original poster
Tola39321 · 22/01/2022 19:02

Actually, there is lots of stability for my children. Both has trust funds which they can access when they are 21. Both have a roof over their heads. Food in the fridge and my son receives the best, private, education. Plus both will benefit from my investment. I am just short of cash at this present time as I guess I miscalculated my finances. There is actually no point asking why I made certain decisions. Those decisions have been made. Want I need to focus on now is ensuring I can make money NOW so that my children are fine for the next 6 months.

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whiteworldgettingwhiter · 22/01/2022 19:02

I have provided my children with luxuries that most could only dream of.* I decided to invest a big chunk of money in the summer (which is doing well btw) but I cannot touch my profits for another year.* Long story short, I am broke! :(

If you made this investment, how did your financial advisor justify it? They can't just take all your cash and leave you short of money; you have to have a financial reserve.

It seems bonkers. Why put your son through all this? Why didn't you just invest less so that you'd have enough money for day to day expenses?

Wolfiefan · 22/01/2022 19:02

You could cheer him up by not going! And promising not to make bad financial decisions in the future. Confused

Mundra · 22/01/2022 19:03

If everything is paid for the next six months, what on earth do you need money for? Confused
He has his A levels in three months time. I should have thought he would need your support during that period.

BennysBingoBonanza · 22/01/2022 19:04

Can you not stay at least until he has done his A levels? It seems such a bad moment to go.

Original poster
Tola39321 · 22/01/2022 19:04

I have paid for 6 months. I can't get the money back. I did so because I didn't want my son's education disrupted if I am unable to pay in future.

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BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 22/01/2022 19:05

We are not starving and I have enough to pay the mortgage, pay bills and eat. That's it

That would be good enough for me, if the alternative was leaving my 17yo behind for 6 months in the lead up to his exams.

Surely you can be satisfied with the above being covered for 6m? It's most peoples reality.

Original poster
Tola39321 · 22/01/2022 19:06

Not going is not an option tbf. I am going, I just wanted some advise as to how to make my son feel better while I am in Qatar

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Original poster
Tola39321 · 22/01/2022 19:07

There was no option to invest less

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Houseplantmad · 22/01/2022 19:07

You seem to think that having trust funds etc etc means everything is fine.

Money isn't everything, although it sounds as if it might be to you, and what your son is expressing is something that money can't compensate for. Listen to your son or you may regret it in the future.

Original poster
Tola39321 · 22/01/2022 19:08

I didn't think about it from the tax aspect of it. Yikes!! Thank you x

OP posts:
BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 22/01/2022 19:09

Do you value your sons happiness and wellbeing during these important exam months?

His discontent may affect his results and scupper his place at uni.

draramallama · 22/01/2022 19:10

@Tola39321

Not going is not an option tbf. I am going, I just wanted some advise as to how to make my son feel better while I am in Qatar
Of course it's an option, it's just one you don't want to take.

Emotional stability, op. Social stability. All you've listed is financial. Money, money, money, money. Your children's needs involve more than you throwing money at everything.

Mundra · 22/01/2022 19:10

You don't sound in the least bit wretched to be leaving him. It just seems you want to justify your questionable choices

If bills, food, mortgage, schooling is all covered for the next six months, you can afford to hang on longer for another job here. His university expenses won't be required before the fourth week of August.