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Original poster

Leaving my 17 year old to work abroad

229 replies

Tola39321 · 22/01/2022 17:46

So...
I am a single mother of 2. I have a 17 year old son and 3 year old daughter. Both of my children's birthdays are next month.
We live in London. I have been doing very well in
profession and for the past 4 years I have provided my children with luxuries that most could only dream of.
I decided to invest a big chunk of money in the summer (which is doing well btw) but I cannot touch my profits for another year.
Long story short, I am broke! :( I have found it so difficult to find another contract and I have bills coming out of my ears. I have recently been offered an amazing contract in the middle East. Free accommodation, free schooling for my youngest child and an amazing salary. The contract is for 6 months and I can extend the contract if I desire.
My only reservation is leaving my DS behind. He is quite upset about me leaving him in the UK. He will be staying with his father. I have explained to him that with the money I am able to save, I can ensure he has everything he needs for university in September and My DD can go to private school. I feel retched about leaving him but I feel I have no choice. I will see DS every 6 weeks when I fly him out to the middle east or when I fly back to the UK. Nothing I do or say seems to cheer him up. Help!

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Original poster
Tola39321 · 23/01/2022 06:40

None of your business

OP posts:
Mintyt · 23/01/2022 06:41

I think it will do him good for you to go, he will be fine. It sounds like you have a lovely son, even if you was moving to the other end of this country he would miss you. He will be fine

SquirrelG · 23/01/2022 07:02

What was the point of this thread OP? You aren't interested in any replies unless they agree with what you want to do. Did you just want to boast about your extreme wealth, your children's private schooling, your wonderful success in life etc.? I can't see any other reason you are here tbh.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

17 years old 3 year olds Families General parenting
IbizaToTheNorfolkBroads · 23/01/2022 07:36

The arrangements of flying to see each other every month/6 weeks does rather assume that Covid restrictions going forward will allow this.

saleorbouy · 23/01/2022 07:37

In hindsight I bet you son is delighted with the "luxuries that most could only dream of" in reality I think he'd give it all back so you could stay home with him.

Original poster
Tola39321 · 23/01/2022 07:46

I really do not mind anyone disagreeing with me. It's the awful Miserable people telling me I don't care about my son

OP posts:
Original poster
Tola39321 · 23/01/2022 07:49

Why are people concerned though? Ignorance. Would they be concerned if I was moving to Wales? Nope.

OP posts:
Loopytiles · 23/01/2022 07:54

I don’t think moving overseas without DS, at a vital stage of his education, is a good decision. Understandable he doesn’t want you to go. It’s probable you can find a new job near home.

Schooling for v young DD is provided while you’re there, but that’s not much benefit IMO, especially if you miss the entry window for UK state primary your options could be limited.

Original poster
Tola39321 · 23/01/2022 07:54

@ElftonWednesday

There are loads of jobs in the UK. No need to go off to the Middle East.

It doesn't add up to me at all.

Of course there are loads of jobs in the UK. Tax free? I think not!
OP posts:
theqentity · 23/01/2022 07:55

@ElftonWednesday

There are loads of jobs in the UK. No need to go off to the Middle East.

It doesn't add up to me at all.

I have an idea what this job might entail, it all sounds shady to me
Lobakgo · 23/01/2022 07:57

What visa did you have to pay for for Qatar? Some employers may require a pre-visa medical but there shouldn't be any costs to pay for the visa itself.

You need to rerun your figures with the fact that you will pay UK tax on your earnings.

Do you have a school place for your youngest? What will you do for childcare around school (or are you a teacher, in which case I'm shocked this is paying enough money to leave your son during his a-levels)?

Look up the current entry rules for Qatar. Is he fully vaccinated? If not you're going to have trouble getting a visa for him and he will have do do 7 days quarantine each time. Before you agree to him visiting every six weeks, check he will be able to!

LondonWolf · 23/01/2022 07:57

I have an idea what this job might entail, it all sounds shady to me

What? Genuine question.

Lobakgo · 23/01/2022 08:03

I have an idea what this job might entail, it all sounds shady to me

It doesn't sound shady to me it sounds like a visiting lectureship in one of the international universities (going by having the summer off). It's not tax free though, OP has that wrong.

meditrina · 23/01/2022 08:14

What paperwork is needed by FCO?

Sounds odd - BC post?

FleeceNavidadFromTheSheep · 23/01/2022 08:15

@Tola39321

They certainly do! My son has received an unconditional offer but maybe that's because his estimated grades are brilliant!
Warwick don't make unconditional offers unless you already have the grades. Actual grades, not UCAS predicted grades.

"4.8 Unconditional Offers
Due to the high level of demand for our degrees, and the strength of the applications we receive, the University of Warwick is only able make unconditional offers to applicants who have already met our entry requirements."

Really not sure what the point of this thread is Hmm

sillysmiles · 23/01/2022 08:23

Even if this is a complete troll based on the 2012 thread, I think it is interesting that the mother is not expected to future proof her career and income, but sacrifice everything for an almost adult child who'll be leaving home in a few months.
A father leaving to work abroad would never experience the same wrath on here for making this decision.

Ploppy1322 · 23/01/2022 08:27

Pre book some visits so he can come see you and has something to look forward to and he'll be fine. It's 6 months and he'll be with his dad, everything is a drama at this age I'm sure you'll remember, good luck xx

Maireas · 23/01/2022 08:28

@Tola39321

Wish I could take him with me but he is doing his A levels. He has been accepted at a Russell group University! He has to focus on his studies
He's been accepted at a Russell group university? When did he submit his UCAS application? I'm very curious because I'm supervising this with my current yr13s....
AlDanvers · 23/01/2022 08:33

@sillysmiles

Even if this is a complete troll based on the 2012 thread, I think it is interesting that the mother is not expected to future proof her career and income, but sacrifice everything for an almost adult child who'll be leaving home in a few months. A father leaving to work abroad would never experience the same wrath on here for making this decision.
A thread from 2012?

Hopefully we have moved on in a decade.

And personally I would say the same to any male parent who was planning on doing this. Especially when leaving the kids with a parent that's a bit shit (in the prher parents opinion) and had the much closer and better relationship with the child. For many reasons.

Almost legally and adult and independent (financially and emotionally) and 2 cometely separate things.

Original poster
Tola39321 · 23/01/2022 08:33

He submitted his application end of September

OP posts:
Maireas · 23/01/2022 08:34

Not quite related, but your son needs to check his UCAS application. It's still only January and he's received unconditional offers from RG universities on the basis of predicted grades?

Original poster
Tola39321 · 23/01/2022 08:34

@Ploppy1322

Pre book some visits so he can come see you and has something to look forward to and he'll be fine. It's 6 months and he'll be with his dad, everything is a drama at this age I'm sure you'll remember, good luck xx
Thanks darl x
OP posts:
BriocheForBreakfast · 23/01/2022 08:34

@Merriwicks

Jesus, Mary, Joseph and the wee donkey. So he is going to uni in 9 months time and people are thinking you shouldn't go to be able to provide an income for your family. He won't be giving you a second thought in Sept and he will be fine in between. It is just the unknown. It isn't like you are abandoning him with Mrs no name at the end of the street, to fend for himself. He will be living with his father. Who I assume provides a safe and supportive home as well or else you wouldn't be happy to do so. There is nothing you can do that will make him feel better. He will just have to live it and realise it is OK. He is 18 when you go! You are not leaving an 8 year old behind. Most 18 year olds barley say hello to their parents and hide In their room all day so the fact he is sad you are going shows you are doing something right! You are doing what is best for everyone. You are the parent, you get to make that decision. If you where the father going, everyone on here would be supporting you. Well done you for being able to provide so well for your family. I choose a career in the NHS and can only dream of such luxuries.
I agree with this too. He's almost 18 and will be off to uni in 8 months with (hopefully) nary a backward glance. He won't be on his own and will have a support network of family as well as a home with his DF and he'll be able to see OP every day on video link. At this age they need to have some resilience to change. I think fear of the unknown is probably playing a large part in this.

Would we bat an eyelid if it was his DF doing this for 6 months?

Original poster
Tola39321 · 23/01/2022 08:36

@Lobakgo

I have an idea what this job might entail, it all sounds shady to me

It doesn't sound shady to me it sounds like a visiting lectureship in one of the international universities (going by having the summer off). It's not tax free though, OP has that wrong.

Nope
OP posts:
Maireas · 23/01/2022 08:36

@Tola39321

He submitted his application end of September
Warwick University have already given him an unconditional offer? What course?