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Original poster

Leaving my 17 year old to work abroad

229 replies

Tola39321 · 22/01/2022 17:46

So...
I am a single mother of 2. I have a 17 year old son and 3 year old daughter. Both of my children's birthdays are next month.
We live in London. I have been doing very well in
profession and for the past 4 years I have provided my children with luxuries that most could only dream of.
I decided to invest a big chunk of money in the summer (which is doing well btw) but I cannot touch my profits for another year.
Long story short, I am broke! :( I have found it so difficult to find another contract and I have bills coming out of my ears. I have recently been offered an amazing contract in the middle East. Free accommodation, free schooling for my youngest child and an amazing salary. The contract is for 6 months and I can extend the contract if I desire.
My only reservation is leaving my DS behind. He is quite upset about me leaving him in the UK. He will be staying with his father. I have explained to him that with the money I am able to save, I can ensure he has everything he needs for university in September and My DD can go to private school. I feel retched about leaving him but I feel I have no choice. I will see DS every 6 weeks when I fly him out to the middle east or when I fly back to the UK. Nothing I do or say seems to cheer him up. Help!

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AlwaysLatte · 22/01/2022 23:05

Could you come back once a month? I couldn't do it otherwise, and only if the other parent was completely on board.

Mo1911 · 22/01/2022 23:20

@Ihavenoideawhereitis

You're asking strangers if it's OK to leave him, when your ds has already told you it is not. Maybe you should listen to him.
This
Mo1911 · 22/01/2022 23:29

@Tola39321

My DS will be going to University in September. He was actually accepted at a 3 Russel group universities. Im so proud of him!
That's fine but it's really not important in the great scheme of things. It is him, himself and how he feels that's important.

What he achieves and any reflected glory that you may enjoy is secondary at best.

I grew up with a mother who was money, success and appearance focused and while I worked my behind off to make her proud I was so unhappy because it was my achievements that mattered to her, not me.

It left me with many issues related to people pleasing, self esteem issues, striving to be overly successful etc. it's not good.

Love your son for the person he is and not what he achieves. I actually feel very sorry for him. You're putting money and trinkets ahead of his needs and happiness.

He and his feelings are much more important, forget the job and think of your son rather than yourself.

Interested in this thread?

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17 years old 3 year olds Families General parenting
Mo1911 · 22/01/2022 23:31

@Tola39321

I am not abandoning him and he has stated that he doesn't feel that I am. His issue with me leaving is me not being there every day. As I stated previously, we grew up together. We are so close. I plan to fly him out in 6 weeks and he can fly out anytime he likes.
He's not going to say anything else because he's putting your needs first. I'm sure he'd love if you put his needs before your own sometimes.
nocoolnamesleft · 22/01/2022 23:46

As long as you don't mind if he trashes his A levels, and your relationship with him never recovers from the abandonment.

Original poster
Tola39321 · 23/01/2022 03:20

Ok. 😂😂 Misery guts

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Original poster
Tola39321 · 23/01/2022 03:21

If you say so. Again, I'm at peace with my decision. What you say about me does not matter.

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Original poster
Tola39321 · 23/01/2022 03:26

You telling me to love my son for who he is is quite insulting and also quite hilarious. You do not know me nor my son.
Anyway, as I stated previously, I am at peace with my decision.
It's funny, most people telling me I'm abandoning my son, will be the first people to tell me he's an adult when he turns 18. Yes, my son will be 18 in a few weeks. An adult. He's not 14, 13 or 12. He's also mature enough to understand that o am doing this to continue to give him the life he is used to...

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RobinPenguins · 23/01/2022 03:28

Your poor son. Sounds like he’s getting a sharp lesson now in how low down your list of priorities he is and can hopefully come to terms with this and move on in the future.

Original poster
Tola39321 · 23/01/2022 03:28

I could come back every six weeks. After some discussion with my son yesterday evening, he decided that he would prefer to fly out to see me and his sister. He is the one that actually made the suggestion. :)

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Original poster
Tola39321 · 23/01/2022 03:29

Ok dear. If you say so😂 Maybe it's the British weather making you so judgemental, cynical and miserable.

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EmmaGrundyForPM · 23/01/2022 03:53

You say he's got his best friends and your sister living very close by - will this still be the case once he's living with his dad? Will he have a much longer journey to school?

AlDanvers · 23/01/2022 04:54

Its amazing. You asked people's opinions. You don't like it and then all of sudden your son is fine with it. Conveniently, worked out so you can tell posters who dont think it's a good idea that uiu are right all along.

If you are at leave with your decision, it really doesn't matter what anyone thinks. Surely when asking for opinions, you would know that there would be varying ones?

I have a dd (17) going to uni, next year, and has an unconditional offer. We are very close and I wouldn't do this.

However, I am not you and in a far easier financial position, so who knows if I wasn't. Genuinely, don't think I would though. It could work well, it could be the worst decision you make. But you could only make the decision based on the information you have now and hope it works out.

That's all any of us can do.

Fortyfifty · 23/01/2022 05:42

Warwick University don't give out unconditional offers unless someone has already taken their A levels and have their grades when they apply.

Original poster
Tola39321 · 23/01/2022 05:55

His dad is moving into our house to disrupt his life as little as possible.

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Original poster
Tola39321 · 23/01/2022 05:57

I don't mind having the opinion of others. But there are people on this thread that are just horrendous. One person even suggested that I love money more than my son. Disgusting.
I can understand why people may tell me it's a bad idea but those people are not in my shoes.

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Original poster
Tola39321 · 23/01/2022 05:59

They certainly do! My son has received an unconditional offer but maybe that's because his estimated grades are brilliant!

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DefaultParent · 23/01/2022 06:16

Of the people I've known who've done this, it's totally ruined the relationship with the parent. So this needs to be a consequence that you are comfortable with. I wouldn't personally take a 3yo out there when you will be working. Could you leave her with Dad?

Original poster
Tola39321 · 23/01/2022 06:17

Why wouldnt you go as a single woman/mother? Not you believing the misconceptions about the middle east like an ignorant person?!

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Omoyorubanii · 23/01/2022 06:20

Plan B was moving in with my mum for a few month and renting out our house. To my surprise, she flat out refused when I brought it up. :(

Original poster
Tola39321 · 23/01/2022 06:20

Plan B was moving in with my mum for a few month and renting out our house. To my surprise, she flat out refused when I brought it up. sad

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Zonder · 23/01/2022 06:28

Name change fail.

Is there really no way if delaying starting this contract? Much of your posts have been about things you have or will pay for for your DC - school, camera, therapy, flights. Most important is you being there for him. This is a crucial 6 month period for him. The timing just feels all wrong.

Plus you've been a bit rude about people questioning you going to the ME as a single mum. Have you lived there before? In my experience there are legitimate concerns.

NoSquirrels · 23/01/2022 06:28

@Tola39321

Not going is not an option tbf. I am going, I just wanted some advise as to how to make my son feel better while I am in Qatar
As the root of his upset is that you’re leaving him, I’m not sure what help the internet could come up with, tbh. Perhaps because you had to ‘grow up’ young because you had him at university you haven’t appreciated how much teenagers need support and stability in this vital A-level year. In six months’ time this job would be perfect, but right now it’s awful timing.
ElftonWednesday · 23/01/2022 06:28

There are loads of jobs in the UK. No need to go off to the Middle East.

It doesn't add up to me at all.

Original poster
Tola39321 · 23/01/2022 06:32

The thing is, when I brought the idea about moving to the middle east, he was excited at the thought of living alone and being independent. I told him there would be absolutely no chance I would allow him to live without adult supervision.
I had my interview. Paid for a medical visa and all of my paper work with the FCO and Embassy, he was still excited. As soon as I received my contract, I think that's when it hit him. He was sitting down and put his arms around my waist and told me he didn't want me to go...I obviously do not want to leave my baby, but feel I have no choice. Well, I do have a choice, of course. My son has become so accustomed to the life that I have provided for him, he would be the first to complain of that could not continue. Lol

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