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Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

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Original poster

Leaving my 17 year old to work abroad

229 replies

Tola39321 · 22/01/2022 17:46

So...
I am a single mother of 2. I have a 17 year old son and 3 year old daughter. Both of my children's birthdays are next month.
We live in London. I have been doing very well in
profession and for the past 4 years I have provided my children with luxuries that most could only dream of.
I decided to invest a big chunk of money in the summer (which is doing well btw) but I cannot touch my profits for another year.
Long story short, I am broke! :( I have found it so difficult to find another contract and I have bills coming out of my ears. I have recently been offered an amazing contract in the middle East. Free accommodation, free schooling for my youngest child and an amazing salary. The contract is for 6 months and I can extend the contract if I desire.
My only reservation is leaving my DS behind. He is quite upset about me leaving him in the UK. He will be staying with his father. I have explained to him that with the money I am able to save, I can ensure he has everything he needs for university in September and My DD can go to private school. I feel retched about leaving him but I feel I have no choice. I will see DS every 6 weeks when I fly him out to the middle east or when I fly back to the UK. Nothing I do or say seems to cheer him up. Help!

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Ragwort · 22/01/2022 20:41

You haven't clarified what your DS's relationship is like with his DF, do they get on? Will he enjoy being with his Dad?

LondonWolf · 22/01/2022 20:44

@Longcovid21

It may be useful to have a male (your son) in the middle East, given the way it operates. Can he complete his a levels by distance learning through the OU? Get him a tutor. Problem solved.

Why? I know 100s of single women, living and working in the ME with no problems at all.

Hoppinggreen · 22/01/2022 20:47

@Tola39321

Not going is not an option tbf. I am going, I just wanted some advise as to how to make my son feel better while I am in Qatar

You can’t It’s a shitty thing to do to him and he has been clear he doesn’t want you to go. You CAN afford not to but you are putting luxuries above your son and it seems he knows that. I appreciate will be with his other parent and in principle I don’t have an issue with a teen or child being with 1 (decent) parent while the other travels or relocates for financial reasons but he has told you he doesn’t want you to go! You risk him failing his A levels and resenting you forever - or maybe you can buy him off?

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

17 years old 3 year olds Families General parenting

Longcovid21 · 22/01/2022 20:57

*20:44LondonWolf

Longcovid21

It may be useful to have a male (your son) in the middle East, given the way it operates. Can he complete his a levels by distance learning through the OU? Get him a tutor. Problem solved.

Why? I know 100s of single women, living and working in the ME with no problems at all.*

I have personally worked in the middle East and know this to be the case.

Sunnytwobridges · 22/01/2022 21:00

I knew someone who left their 16 yr old son behind (1000 miles away) for a relationship (which is different I guess). He was left with his father but it still had a negative impact on their relationship.

If it’s only six months it might be fine but longer than that I wouldn’t do it if he couldn’t come with me. I’d work two jobs instead

Original poster

Tola39321 · 22/01/2022 21:00

Thank you x

OP posts:

Original poster

Tola39321 · 22/01/2022 21:02

My contract ends in June then I have the choice to renew it. The contract would begun again in August. He goes to uni in September In Warwick so we would be apart at this time anyway.

OP posts:

LondonWolf · 22/01/2022 21:03

I have personally worked in the middle East and know this to be the case.

In what way might a 17 year old assist? Serious question. I'm not claiming superior knowledge but I have spent a list of time there - relatives lived there - and I moved around freely at all times and never had cause to call up upon a male to assist me. I am a single parent and often had two children with me. I mean maybe at work it might be useful, but a 17 year old would hardly be able to intervene in his Mum's job would he?

Original poster

Tola39321 · 22/01/2022 21:05

My son and his father get on very well but their relationship is nothing like ours. My son's father is quite relaxed, too relaxed fit my liking. Thank God my son is very responsible

OP posts:

Original poster

Tola39321 · 22/01/2022 21:08

He will. Good bye

OP posts:

use257 · 22/01/2022 21:10

Your poor son. You've proved that money is more important than him.

Original poster

Tola39321 · 22/01/2022 21:13

My son has 2 amazing best friends and his aunty lives down the road. He has wonderful, supportive god parents and an amazing grand mother. His grandmother on his father's side is meh! He has a very strong support system. Our close family and friends have been very supportive of my decision and have promised to support him throughout the time that I am away. Especially my sister, his aunty.

OP posts:

Original poster

Tola39321 · 22/01/2022 21:14

Ok.

OP posts:

LIZS · 22/01/2022 21:16

@Tola39321

My contract ends in June then I have the choice to renew it. The contract would begun again in August. He goes to uni in September In Warwick so we would be apart at this time anyway.

Not yet he's not. A small matter of meeting the A level offer first.

PinkSyCo · 22/01/2022 21:21

Presumably your DS isn’t stupid, yet you have explained the money situation to him and he STILL doesn’t want you to go. He doesn’t trust you for some reason, perhaps because you fucked up with your investment. I don’t think my feelings of guilt would let me leave him to be honest.

Ickle37 · 22/01/2022 21:25

I think its fine. I just want to back everyone else up. He will be ok, and your plans to fly back seem reasonable.
Really bored of people think the ME is a crap place to bring a girl up. I lived there, and assuming i know at least one of the cities you could be living in- i felt more repression in UK tbh. Go for it. Its 6 months and actually his life is beginning, yours sounds like it needs sorting. All power to you .

RampantIvy · 22/01/2022 21:36

His issue with me leaving is me not being there every day

I think you are massively underestimating the impact of you not being there to support him through A levels. I remember the stress of DD doing her A levels, and there was no way that I would have abandoned her. She is now very stressed while writing her dissertation in her third year at university, and has come home for a few days for a bit of support and TLC.

Clymene · 22/01/2022 21:47

I have nk own several families who did this because they had to move for work (not chose to, had to - there's a difference). Some kids did okay, others fell spectacularly off the rails.

Your child - son, daughter, whatever - has said he's upset, you've said you're unusually close and yet you're going anyway.

I think it will do irreparable damage to your relationship even if he does do reasonably in his A levels.

You put money before his happiness and well being. Not a nice thing for a child to have to face about their parent.

Original poster

Tola39321 · 22/01/2022 22:11

Calm down.

OP posts:

Original poster

Tola39321 · 22/01/2022 22:13

No. He has an unconditional offer. Even if he didn't, I have so much faith in him and know he would do well, regardless

OP posts:

RampantIvy · 22/01/2022 22:29

Having faith in your child is not the same as being there in person for them though. I get the feeling that you are being a little too defensive in justifying your decision.

titchy · 22/01/2022 22:30

@Tola39321

No. He has an unconditional offer. Even if he didn't, I have so much faith in him and know he would do well, regardless

From Warwick? Sure Jan....

LIZS · 22/01/2022 22:36

@Tola39321

No. He has an unconditional offer. Even if he didn't, I have so much faith in him and know he would do well, regardless

That's very convenient

XantheBreeze · 22/01/2022 22:42

You couldn’t really pick a worse time to leave him. He will need stability and your support and love in what is likely to be a stressful time of exams and transition to uni.
A zoom call can’t replace that.

draramallama · 22/01/2022 22:51

@Tola39321

No. He has an unconditional offer. Even if he didn't, I have so much faith in him and know he would do well, regardless

Convenient.

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