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Parenting

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Original poster

Leaving my 17 year old to work abroad

229 replies

Tola39321 · 22/01/2022 17:46

So...
I am a single mother of 2. I have a 17 year old son and 3 year old daughter. Both of my children's birthdays are next month.
We live in London. I have been doing very well in
profession and for the past 4 years I have provided my children with luxuries that most could only dream of.
I decided to invest a big chunk of money in the summer (which is doing well btw) but I cannot touch my profits for another year.
Long story short, I am broke! :( I have found it so difficult to find another contract and I have bills coming out of my ears. I have recently been offered an amazing contract in the middle East. Free accommodation, free schooling for my youngest child and an amazing salary. The contract is for 6 months and I can extend the contract if I desire.
My only reservation is leaving my DS behind. He is quite upset about me leaving him in the UK. He will be staying with his father. I have explained to him that with the money I am able to save, I can ensure he has everything he needs for university in September and My DD can go to private school. I feel retched about leaving him but I feel I have no choice. I will see DS every 6 weeks when I fly him out to the middle east or when I fly back to the UK. Nothing I do or say seems to cheer him up. Help!

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

LIZS · 22/01/2022 19:11

@Tola39321

Not going is not an option tbf. I am going, I just wanted some advise as to how to make my son feel better while I am in Qatar

I doubt you will. Unfortunately money will not compensate him if he feels you chose to abandon him, even if he has his father. Is ex also your younger child's father? How do you plan to cope with maintaining their relationship ? If you have not taken tax into account , what else have you omitted?

Original poster

Tola39321 · 22/01/2022 19:11

My DS will be going to University in September. He was actually accepted at a 3 Russel group universities. Im so proud of him!

OP posts:

WorriedGiraffe · 22/01/2022 19:11

Have you tried acknowledging to him that you understand why he’s upset? You sound fully focussed on money and what you’ve provided financially, but he’s sad because his mother is leaving him and moving to the other side of the world, taking his sibling too. He’s probably not bothered that he will get money for it, he’s bothered that he’s safe stable home is packing up and leaving without him. I don’t think you are doing anything awful (although I wouldn’t do this), but he’s 17 and it must be a huge deal. Does he get on well with his dad? Are you going to miss his 18th birthday?

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

17 years old 3 year olds Families General parenting

draramallama · 22/01/2022 19:11

@Tola39321

I didn't think about it from the tax aspect of it. Yikes!! Thank you x

Oh, of course that's the comment you take seriously. Money again.

Clymene · 22/01/2022 19:12

@Tola39321

My DS will be going to University in September. He was actually accepted at a 3 Russel group universities. Im so proud of him!

Well let's hope he passes his A levels given the enormous disruption you're about to put him through

LIZS · 22/01/2022 19:13

@Tola39321

My DS will be going to University in September. He was actually accepted at a 3 Russel group universities. Im so proud of him!

That relies on him achieving his grades, which may not be as straightforward if you are absent and he is upset.

titchy · 22/01/2022 19:13

@Tola39321

Not going is not an option tbf. I am going, I just wanted some advise as to how to make my son feel better while I am in Qatar

FFS of course not going is an option. You've got enough for food, mortgage and bills. Most parents would happily sacrifice cappuccinos for six months if it meant their child wouldn't be desperately sad.

But apparently not you.

Lovemusic33 · 22/01/2022 19:14

It seems your main focus is on money and private education rather than your children’s mental well being and their happiness.

My dd is the same age, about to sit A levels and there’s no way I could leave her now and expect her to move in with her dad.

Your ds doesn’t want you to go and I don’t think anything you say will change the way he feels.

Original poster

Tola39321 · 22/01/2022 19:14

I am not abandoning him and he has stated that he doesn't feel that I am. His issue with me leaving is me not being there every day. As I stated previously, we grew up together. We are so close. I plan to fly him out in 6 weeks and he can fly out anytime he likes.

OP posts:

titchy · 22/01/2022 19:14

@Tola39321

My DS will be going to University in September. He was actually accepted at a 3 Russel group universities. Im so proud of him!

And unhappy kids tend to do so well at revising for A levels don't they...?

draramallama · 22/01/2022 19:15

@Tola39321

Um, your first two sentences contradict each other.

WorriedGiraffe · 22/01/2022 19:16

@Tola39321

So he’s backed down on the word ‘abandoned’ but is upset because you won’t be there every day, while he is sitting his A levels which are incredibly stressful! With no guarentee you will come back in 6 months, in a pandemic where there is no guarentee travel won’t be stopped. What would you call it?

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 22/01/2022 19:16

Hang on, you said this on another thread.....

Ew, what horrible, judgemental, self-righteous people you are.My situation is a little different. I am a single parent. I have been offered a job to work abroad for the next 5 months. I will be leaving my daughter and taking my son. My daughter will be 18 In a few weeks and My son will be 4. The contract abroad is too amazing to turn down. With this money, I can also get a mortgage and create a secure future for My children. I do feel very guilty about leaving my baby, but she will be In safe hands. She will stay with her dad sometimes and with my sister.I will also fly her out to see myself and her brother and I will fly back every 6 weeks

Son or daughter?

oviraptor21 · 22/01/2022 19:16

Gosh. I can't imagine why, if you have enough money to cover mortgage and bills, that you need to disrupt your DS by leaving at this important time. You seem to be saying that six months of luxuries is more important than him. Please tell me I have misunderstood.

PerkyBlinder · 22/01/2022 19:17

My Mum moved abroad when I was 17 for work (also a complicated work decision and the best option she had at that point) and I stayed with friends of the family who acted as my guardians to finish off my schooling as I was half way through A levels. The family I stayed with were lovely and am still in touch with them. I enjoyed flying by myself to visit my Mum in holidays and was really fine. I think you should go for it :)

Clymene · 22/01/2022 19:18

So your children are in private school, you have money tied up in fabulous investments and trust funds and you don't own any property?

BennysBingoBonanza · 22/01/2022 19:18

@BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz

Hang on, you said this on another thread.....

Son or daughter?

To be fair, lots of people change details like this to avoid outing themselves.

oviraptor21 · 22/01/2022 19:19

Also all this flying backwards and forwards (for him I notice, not you) will be very disruptive for his studies.

LIZS · 22/01/2022 19:19

If you have paid upfront for six months and can afford return flights every six weeks you can afford not to go.

Shmithecat2 · 22/01/2022 19:20

Honestly OP, you shouldn't have mentioned that the job was in the ME, that immediately makes people irrationally ragey about it all. Also, the responses have actually surprised me as most of the time on MN, once they hit 18yo, they have to pay market rent or they're out on their ear .

Maybe have a look at what he could do on his visits - there's dune bashing, quad biking, scuba diving, camel riding, all sorts out there for fun. I discovered a LOVE of quadbiking in my time in the ME at the ripe old age of 43 😂

draramallama · 22/01/2022 19:21

@Clymene

So your children are in private school, you have money tied up in fabulous investments and trust funds and you don't own any property?

On this thread op is making mortgage payments.

Original poster

Tola39321 · 22/01/2022 19:22

Erm, the money I earn from my new contract will enable me to pay for return flights

OP posts:

draramallama · 22/01/2022 19:22

@LIZS

If you have paid upfront for six months and can afford return flights every six weeks you can afford not to go.

I think the op has been very clear that this decision is motivated by greed not need.

Merriwicks · 22/01/2022 19:23

Jesus, Mary, Joseph and the wee donkey. So he is going to uni in 9 months time and people are thinking you shouldn't go to be able to provide an income for your family. He won't be giving you a second thought in Sept and he will be fine in between. It is just the unknown. It isn't like you are abandoning him with Mrs no name at the end of the street, to fend for himself. He will be living with his father. Who I assume provides a safe and supportive home as well or else you wouldn't be happy to do so.
There is nothing you can do that will make him feel better. He will just have to live it and realise it is OK. He is 18 when you go! You are not leaving an 8 year old behind. Most 18 year olds barley say hello to their parents and hide In their room all day so the fact he is sad you are going shows you are doing something right! You are doing what is best for everyone. You are the parent, you get to make that decision. If you where the father going, everyone on here would be supporting you. Well done you for being able to provide so well for your family. I choose a career in the NHS and can only dream of such luxuries.

whiteworldgettingwhiter · 22/01/2022 19:23

I think this is a terrible idea. Your timing is the worst. His A levels are massive - and he will have missed his GCSEs due to Covid, so these are his first real exams.

I'd do anything I could not to do this.

He may not pass his exams. He may be too upset to revise and tell. His whole routine will be different.

And flying back and forth to Qatar will be be disruptive.

Is there really no job you can do in the UK until September?

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