Leaving my 17 year old to work abroad

[Tola39321]

So...
I am a single mother of 2. I have a 17 year old son and 3 year old daughter. Both of my children's birthdays are next month.
We live in London. I have been doing very well in
profession and for the past 4 years I have provided my children with luxuries that most could only dream of.
I decided to invest a big chunk of money in the summer (which is doing well btw) but I cannot touch my profits for another year.
Long story short, I am broke! :( I have found it so difficult to find another contract and I have bills coming out of my ears. I have recently been offered an amazing contract in the middle East. Free accommodation, free schooling for my youngest child and an amazing salary. The contract is for 6 months and I can extend the contract if I desire.
My only reservation is leaving my DS behind. He is quite upset about me leaving him in the UK. He will be staying with his father. I have explained to him that with the money I am able to save, I can ensure he has everything he needs for university in September and My DD can go to private school. I feel retched about leaving him but I feel I have no choice. I will see DS every 6 weeks when I fly him out to the middle east or when I fly back to the UK. Nothing I do or say seems to cheer him up. Help!

Oh yes so she is @draramallama.

How odd.

My parents moved away when I was 17, for work. I was devastated and never really got over it. Even now I can’t understand how they could have done this. I’m over 60!

Yep. Misunderstood

@Tola39321

Erm, the money I earn from my new contract will enable me to pay for return flights

A cost you would not have if you stayed and found work locally.

@oviraptor21

Also all this flying backwards and forwards (for him I notice, not you) will be very disruptive for his studies.

Yeh, but he'll be able to take up quadbiking so all good.

My dad did exactly this, he left the day I packed up my room to go to uni. Took his new wife with him and never came home. He told me he was going just before Christmas in my Year 13.

Our relationship has never recovered. He is upset that he misses out on things as I don’t think to mention the day to day minutiae that binds a family together.

Probably not what you wanted to hear.

@Merriwicks

Jesus, Mary, Joseph and the wee donkey. So he is going to uni in 9 months time and people are thinking you shouldn't go to be able to provide an income for your family. He won't be giving you a second thought in Sept and he will be fine in between. It is just the unknown. It isn't like you are abandoning him with Mrs no name at the end of the street, to fend for himself. He will be living with his father. Who I assume provides a safe and supportive home as well or else you wouldn't be happy to do so. There is nothing you can do that will make him feel better. He will just have to live it and realise it is OK. He is 18 when you go! You are not leaving an 8 year old behind. Most 18 year olds barley say hello to their parents and hide In their room all day so the fact he is sad you are going shows you are doing something right! You are doing what is best for everyone. You are the parent, you get to make that decision. If you where the father going, everyone on here would be supporting you. Well done you for being able to provide so well for your family. I choose a career in the NHS and can only dream of such luxuries.

Agree with this.

Initially I though go, my stepson’s mum did this while he was doing hisGCSE year and he coped ok.

But on reading you can afford the mortgage, food and schools for the next six months I think you’re not as skint as you say and should just tighten your belt a bit! Why disrupt him so much at an important time when you don’t really need to?

And I’m also wondering if this is true, after someone posted your other thread.

Blimey. It really is a race to the bottom for some folk.

I think your long term relationship with your son will suffer, potentially irreversible damage.
But my other thoughts are where is the father to the 3 year old, and how happy are they they that their 3 year old is moving to the ME for an unspecified period of time?
How will the 3 year old adjust to a very foreign country? How will they be able to adjust to being schlepped back and forth?

A friend of mine did this when her marriage broke up. Her daughter was eleven, just went to 'big' school and boarded but spent many weekends with grandparents. The circumstances were not the same, my friend had a council place but after working abroad for a while was able to buy her own place.

Daughter was not too happy about it at first but saw her dad and grandparents regularly and my friend had always said if it didn't suit she would come home. The girl eventually had a very good time as well as a good education. She also had lovely holidays with her mum. The company paid well + benefits, eg free flights home, etc.

It wasn't ideal but it worked.

What is his relationship with his dad like?

Does he have good friends? When friends of mine went through similar when we were 18, friends were a real source of support.

Is this opportunity also good for your career in the longer term? In some sense that would be easier to understand and support than the short-term need for cash which could probably be handled in other ways.

It might sound daft and presumably you have thought of this but -- can you not work remotely for at least part of the time?

wondering if this would be viewed differently if it was the father going?

Sorry, not today, but earlier this month.

Honestly I don’t understand how you can be so broke here and so rich after 6 months abroad- if you’re that successful and able stay here and support your child

@godmum56

wondering if this would be viewed differently if it was the father going?

The OP stated they are a lone parent to two. It doesn't matter what sex the parent is, if they are the parent the child usually resides with, the child is going to struggle. Yes, this almost 18yo will move to his father's for six months,fine, he's not exactly homeless. However, if said father is nrp how likely is he to just step up into a sole parent role? Someone sitting their A levels doesn't really want to have to deal with learning to shop, cook, launder for themselves at a time when they really need to be focussing on exams. Some 17yo are already perfectly capable of all that, I certainly was, only OP knows.

@Jojobees

I think your long term relationship with your son will suffer, potentially irreversible damage. But my other thoughts are where is the father to the 3 year old, and how happy are they they that their 3 year old is moving to the ME for an unspecified period of time? How will the 3 year old adjust to a very foreign country? How will they be able to adjust to being schlepped back and forth?

Many many children I know have schlepped back and forth and are absolutely fine.

@godmum56

wondering if this would be viewed differently if it was the father going?

Indeed. And let's face it, you're not really wondering, you know exactly how it would go.

@whiteworldgettingwhiter

I think this is a terrible idea. Your timing is the worst. His A levels are massive - and he will have missed his GCSEs due to Covid, so these are his first real exams.

I'd do anything I could not to do this.

He may not pass his exams. He may be too upset to revise and tell. His whole routine will be different.

And flying back and forth to Qatar will be be disruptive.

Is there really no job you can do in the UK until September?

I guess each child is different and only you can tell as only you know your own child OP.

Is he adaptable? Is he fairly self motivated and self sufficient? How naturally independent is he?

I thrived when my Mum moved abroad at the same age and when I was half way through A levels but I was adaptable, independent and self motivated. I didn't feel abandoned or anything else as was rational enough to understand that this was the best decision in our circumstances and didn't take it personally. I felt really grown up flying back to see her in holidays - it wasn't disruptive to my studies as can study anywhere. I remember feeling quite proud of myself when I helped an elderly couple who weren't sure of the procedure of when they needed to show passport/boarding pass/where to go at Heathrow because I'd been flying by myself for a few times by that point.

How involved are you with his education usually OP - with my eldest at uni, we face time and I help her grammar check her science papers so it's still possible to be involved even from afar. Back when I was doing A levels, the phone was really expensive so I didn't hear from my Mum from one half term to the next but wasn't actually bothered as was at that age where you're ready to leave home anyway and I liked the independence. Now there are so many ways you can stay in touch and involved. He'll be at uni anyway in a few months. What does he think?

It may be useful to have a male (your son) in the middle East, given the way it operates. Can he complete his a levels by distance learning through the OU? Get him a tutor. Problem solved.

Good luck, I think you have it well thought out and organised.
Obviously both you and your son will be lonely but like everything thinking about it the worst part. Once you working & he studying time will pass by fast won't feel it.
Guess he could visit over summer when exams done.