8 year old son has said he wants to live with his dad and new family…

[VikSoph]

My ex and I split up when our son was only a year old and he has lived with me full time ever since then.

When my son was younger, his dad was very absent and inconsistent. He had a string of girlfriends, one after another and didn’t really take his role as a father seriously until our son was about 4.

In the last year, he has got a new partner who also has a child from a previous relationship. She seems nice enough and I can see my son looks forward to seeing his dad and his new little stepsister every other weekend.

Very shortly after meeting, they moved in and have now had a new baby and my son is absolutely smitten with his new little brother.

However. My ex and I recently had an argument about childcare costs. We had this fight on Thursday, the day before my son was due to go to his dad’s.

His dad texted me yesterday morning to warn me that when he drops our son off “they would like to talk to me about something”.

When he returned home, he dropped the bombshell on me that he would like to go live with his dad now. He was in tears when he was telling me and when I asked him why he was upset, he said he didn’t want to hurt my feelings.

I told him it was something we would think about and we’d talk about it tomorrow.

I really don’t know what to do or what the right decision is.

My ex has only ever had our son once a fortnight. He used to live ~20 miles away and when he met his new girlfriend, he moved in with her… another 20 miles away so he now lives 40 miles away (a 2.5 hour drive).

His dad has never once been to a single parent-teacher conference, doctor's/dentist appointment or school play.
I have often asked him if he’d be able to have him an extra night here or there, and the answer is always a resounding no. He has never once had our son for a week here or there in the half terms and has never even taken him on holiday.

I understand that they have this whole lovely family unit going on and the notion of growing up with his baby brother is a really attractive one. But I can’t work out if it’s in his best interests?

Am I wrong or just being selfish by wanting to put my foot down and say no?

@mamagirl You need to start your own thread to get advice.
You also mention 'state' its important you put where in the world you are so that people from your region can give you appropriate advice.
Also Id make your opening poist much shorter - include just the essentials as that is very long especially if people are reading on their phones.

I was the child in this position. I was guilted and put under pressure to say it to my mum and spent years feeling guilty, it caused years of heartache and though I can't regret the move because I settled in my dad's area, met my DH etc, I know now that i absolutely shouldn’t have been put in that position. He's crying because it's too big a decision for him to cope with, please don't let him go through with it.

This. He has a track record of being a shut parent throughout all your son’s life and he is still a shit parent. It’s disgusting that he is putting your child through this.

If he was a decent father and person he’d have discussed any issue with you in private and your discussions would have centred what’s best for your son.

Say no OP.

This is an old thread and a new poster has asked for help. Please start a new thread op. People are responding to the original op, and haven’t even read yours.

Same happened to my son, he said he wanted to live with his dad… 2 days before he started crying and told me that his dad had said that if he didn’t agree to it he was going to remove him from my care and he wouldn’t see his mum again.

Fight your corner, your child is too young to know what’s better for him.

100% this. He isn’t being a good dad. Your son doesn’t really know what’s the best thing for him now and quite likely is being manipulated. It would be a hard no from me. But an offer to spend more time in the holidays.