New Baby & WFH. Is it do-able? Or am I kidding myself?

[expectinglittlebear]

Unfortunately my employer do not offer any enhanced maternity pay and therefore only offer SMP. I am due our first baby in January.

Due to finances, I am only able to take 8 weeks of maternity leave (6 weeks SMP and 2 weeks annual leave tagged on the end). Childcare is also extortionate (and also wouldn't want to leave my baby with anyone that young, bar family), so my employer have offered for me to WFH 4 days a week, and then my mum will be looking after baby the other day so I can go into the office (Husband works full time). I am very grateful for this opportunity to WFH around baby as we wouldn't be able to afford for me to be off work, or pay for childcare. So after my 8 weeks off, I will be back to working full time, while caring for our baby too.

Has anyone else been in a similar situation and gone back to working full time after a short maternity leave, working from home and caring for baby - is it doable or am I completely kidding myself thinking I can work around baby at home full time? For context, I am an office manager and PA, but my job is relatively easy and stress free. It would be the odd zoom call meeting, but other than that just mainly working from a laptop.

@juliainthedeepwater couldn’t agree more!

I’ve done it, back to work from 5 weeks, and so have several people I know, often self employed, sometimes working at home, sometimes taking baby along, and many in creative industries, also know plenty of students that have studied through newborn and baby stages.

I’m not saying it’s not difficult because it is but many people have no choice and struggle through - and dare I say, for some it works well?

I don’t like the superior-ness of the posts saying - come back in six months. No, we don’t know what having a baby is like before we have one but how many new mothers do you know who also feel bored, trapped, and in need of another focus in addition to their baby to help them feel like a part of the world and not set apart in some kind of baby bubble?

To be fair, my daughter was a good baby, so she slept a lot and was generally pretty chilled at 8 weeks. When she got to 5/6 months though it would have been beyond impossible, she had started napping less and started thinking about moving around, it wouldn't have been safe!

I’ve not read any other replies, but I think you are in for a surprise how much of your time a baby needs. It isn’t exaggeration about mums drinking cold morning coffee at 5pm and not being able to go to the loo when needed.

Sorry hon there's no way, I tried with a 9 month old, lasted 2 weeks. You're going to be exhausted and functioning on little sleep. The only way it can work is if there's someone there to take the baby xx

No, you can’t do that. I have a 10 week old baby and the thought of that is madness. She’s actually very good during the day, but still needs constant attention and has only just started sleeping better at night.

Plus, I found after my older daughter was born, that my brain was mush. I wouldn’t be able to concentrate.

What will you do when the baby hits 5/6 months and starts crawling (mine were that young)? Presumably at some point you plan to have childcare?

This makes me tired to read. I am due January too and I am completely prepared (but probably not at all!) to be drained, tired beyond belief, emotional brain like mush, survival mode whilst recovering from birth and looking after my tiny baby. I can only imagine how you’d feel trying to work and be a mother to your baby and feeling like you’re failing at both and that makes me sad!

I’m a nanny and my partner said the unforgivable… “you could probably go back with the baby at 6 weeks” Pardon?!!! (He fully denies he said this now!) Yes I probably could as I have the luxury of taking my baby with me but imagine the sleep deprivation having to be up and out of the house to go to my place of work (on time before 8am!) with a tiny newborn and Trying to also be good at my job? That makes me so sad for everyone involved.

I can’t afford maternity leave really either but we’ll survive. I only get SMP and it’s shit and will be uncomfortable but I’m taking 6 months at least.

I WFH when my baby was a bit older. With every kindness, what you're suggesting won't work. I was only able to do it because DH had his own business and could be at home to look after the baby if I had a busy day. And because most of my clients were international clients in different time zones. I could put DC down for the night and then do Zoom calls with DH on hand if DC woke up.
And I had a relatively easy baby, lots of space, etc, everything to make it work. I think you should consider if there are any other options at all because you'll be putting yourself under incredible stress trying to do this.

It also depends on your baby. DD slept for 5 hours during the day at this age so I could have got a lot of work done while she was sleeping. If I hadn't have been sleep deprived from being up for large chunks of the night.

DS barely slept for 2 hours and insisted on being held all the time. I thought getting dressed was an achievement.

Unfortunately you don't get to choose what type of baby you have.

Thank you to @RacketeerRalph @Yarboosucks! Some actual tips there, thank you :) x

I have always been given great advice on Mumsnet, even if it isn't something a lot of people would do necessarily. Unfortunately this time around it appears rather condescending.

For context, my DH and I got married this year, and moved to a new house, with some savings in the bank left at the end. I was told by medical professionals it would be very difficult for me to have children, and if I could it could take years, and therefore just after we got married we started ttc, thinking it would take a couple years, in which case we would have a bit more money in the bank. Unfortunately sh** happens and we have had a lot to fork out over the past 6 or so months, car going wrong etc etc, so savings have taken a massive hit. Also, we found out we fell pregnant after only 1 month of trying - a HUGE shock to us, but we are completely over the moon obviously, especially with the news I was given by doctors. Therefore, it is a case of making things work...

We have been unable to save the past few months, as mentioned things going wrong and also some small debts to pay off, which will be paid off a month or two after baby is here - in which case we can then start saving and putting money aside for childcare for when baby gets bigger.

As mentioned in my original post, 'NEW baby and WFH'. This situation will only be temporary and therefore was just curious if anyone else had been in the same situation with a new baby. Not a toddler.

Full time will never work…

I work part time (30 hours) and one year old daughter goes to nursery for three mornings (has done since 7 months). I do the rest of my job with my daughter at home, so about 18 hours.

The crux is my employer are happy with this, it’s completely flexible and they are happy for her to come to meetings. For example last week she came with me to a meeting where we looking at any area of land we want to install a community garden on, my she was happy pottering about the field whilst we walked around.

Part of my job is inspecting local parks and my little girl comes along too. Otherwise I work when she is napping or in the evenings when she sleeps. It is a squeeze to get it all in and that’s with three mornings of nursery and a very child friendly employer.

I don’t like the superior-ness of the posts saying - come back in six months.

Its not some sort of superior attitude to say come back in 6 months, it's impossible to know before having a baby just how much it changes and impacts your life. No amount of reading, research or classes can prepare you for the reality.

It's great you made it work but let's not pretend that for most in that situation the job or the baby would be neglected in some way by trying to do both.

Also ... many employees only offer SMP. You need to be saving now, so you can take more time.

No sorry, you need childcare to be able to work.

Thank you @PiesNotGuys

@expectinglittlebear

Thank you to *@RacketeerRalph* *@Yarboosucks*! Some actual tips there, thank you :) x

I have always been given great advice on Mumsnet, even if it isn't something a lot of people would do necessarily. Unfortunately this time around it appears rather condescending.

For context, my DH and I got married this year, and moved to a new house, with some savings in the bank left at the end. I was told by medical professionals it would be very difficult for me to have children, and if I could it could take years, and therefore just after we got married we started ttc, thinking it would take a couple years, in which case we would have a bit more money in the bank. Unfortunately sh** happens and we have had a lot to fork out over the past 6 or so months, car going wrong etc etc, so savings have taken a massive hit. Also, we found out we fell pregnant after only 1 month of trying - a HUGE shock to us, but we are completely over the moon obviously, especially with the news I was given by doctors. Therefore, it is a case of making things work...

We have been unable to save the past few months, as mentioned things going wrong and also some small debts to pay off, which will be paid off a month or two after baby is here - in which case we can then start saving and putting money aside for childcare for when baby gets bigger.

As mentioned in my original post, 'NEW baby and WFH'. This situation will only be temporary and therefore was just curious if anyone else had been in the same situation with a new baby. Not a toddler.

And still no mention of what dh is doing to support you with the responsibility for childcare...

A lot of us have done this out of necessity during covid and never again (the very fact of a covid case in our nursery room or a cough or sniffle brings me out in a cold sweat). At best I was being a poor mother to my new 2 year old, and a poor employee, at worst I was putting my child in potential harms way because you can’t even take your eye off a toddler for 2 seconds. Please don’t do this- you’ll have good days and bad days but for the sake of your sanity and your child’s safety it’s just not worth it.

It isn't going to happen op - I'm sorry, it isn't.
Your employer will realise this pretty quick.
You need to look into other options, ie childcare or your Dh working another job - something, as this isn't sustainable.
You're going to do it as you say there's no choice, but what happens if you realise it's impossible, get no work done, and lose your job? You need a back up plan, because you will be using it. I know you are convinced it's going to work out, but you're going to end up on your arse if you don't take any of this advice on this post on board.
Babies vary - my DD, I couldn't put her down at all, couldn't eat, shower, do a wee - you could have a high needs baby. What are you going to do with the baby when they are screaming the place down and you're meant to work?
What if you have a newborn who feeds 18 hours out of 24? What if you have a night owl who's awake the entire night and will only sleep in the day?

I did this, although in my case I was an agency locum and had just got a new role and really needed the money, so they didn't even known I was pregnant/had a baby. I worked from within a week of my baby's birth. It was hard but manageable until around 4 months. (My DD was a very easy baby mind). At 41/2 months I put her in nursery part time because she was awake and more demanding much more. It only worked at all because I was rarely on the phone and they didn't seem to mind that I worked slightly strange hours. II think it is doable until they are more awake/alert, but then not. Also, you won't be winning employee of the month awards! Can you work part time hours over 5 days a week, so maybe 4 or 5 hours a day rather than 7 or 8, but spread out according to your needs at the time? That would be a hell of a lot easier.

This wouldn’t have been possible with my baby. I suppose you do get some super chilled out ones, but they change so quickly that what’s working one week might be impossible the next. I think it would be taking far too much on for yourself.

Does your employers insurance cover this? Ours doesnt. Cant be in charge of a child under 11 during working hours.

I’ve gone back to work (in the office) when all three of mine have been 12-15 weeks old so I don’t agree with those who say sleep deprivation etc will be a major issue (assuming you have a baby with no health issues etc)

But honestly, there will be days where you are trapped under a cluster feeding baby, have to deal with nappy explosions or spend hours rocking a screaming baby to sleep. There’s no way you can be answering calls, attending Zoom meetings etc at the same time.

At the time my child was 8 weeks old (and for many weeks after that) he was in hospital, so I wasn't doing any night time feeds (except pumping) and the vast majority of the day care was done by nurses whilst I just sat there with my laptop.
I probably managed about 2 hours of work a day, if that. And I was self-employed, not subject to an employer's expectations.
Sorry, but there's no chance that will work.

@PiesNotGuys

I’ve done it, back to work from 5 weeks, and so have several people I know, often self employed, sometimes working at home, sometimes taking baby along, and many in creative industries, also know plenty of students that have studied through newborn and baby stages.

I’m not saying it’s not difficult because it is but many people have no choice and struggle through - and dare I say, for some it works well?

I don’t like the superior-ness of the posts saying - come back in six months. No, we don’t know what having a baby is like before we have one but how many new mothers do you know who also feel bored, trapped, and in need of another focus in addition to their baby to help them feel like a part of the world and not set apart in some kind of baby bubble?

@PiesNotGuys - but the situation here is that OP isn't self employed and is being paid for her job.

I'm not a new mother but I know a few new mothers and the vast majority wouldn't be able to cope.

Also, it depends on OP's employers, do they really want her to do a half hearted job when they're paying her a full time salary?